I get called "Ma'am" an awful lot, and it's driving me nuts.

[Kytri]

It's weird because I actually don't care too much if strangers mistake me for a woman or not because my ultimate goal is to look like a kind of androgynous man, but I absolutely hate it when people call me Ma'am. To me it sounds like something you call a middle aged or older lady and I'm neither older nor a lady.

Problem is I don't know how to tell people not to call me that, because I know they're trying to be polite and I don't want to make them feel bad for trying to be polite. Plus they're usually retail or food service workers so they're unlikely to remember later if I correct them, if I ever see them again which is unlikely.

Also I seem to be getting "ma'am"ed a lot more now that I'm dressing as a guy. Has that happened to anybody else? Are people trying to reassure me that I'm still totes feminine? Am I just imagining it?

[JLT1]

Hi Kytri,

When I get "sir" in person, I stop the conversation and say "You don't have to call me sir, I'm Jennifer (if presenting as a woman).  I then shake their hand.  It's a nice way to break the ice.

Over the phone, I generally try something similar.  Occasionally, I just cry and work on my voice more.

Hugs,

Jen

[Kytri]

Thanks Jen. Hopefully I'll be able to work up the courage to start correcting people.

Unfortunately telling people my name won't work because my name is Kerry. I was lucky enough that my parents actually gave me a unisex name, but it gets awkward because most people that hear it think it's Carrie or Terrie or something that sounds similar and is obviously feminine. I've thought about changing it to Kieran, but I'm a semi-professional cartoonist and have been signing my name as Kerry for a long time now. All my business cards and bylines on comics say Kerry. I'm not sure if it would hurt my career to change it or not.

[KarynMcD]

Also I seem to be getting "ma'am"ed a lot more now that I'm dressing as a guy.

Define "dressing like a guy." Maybe the clothes you are wearing a similar to what an older women might wear and they just make you look older.

[Kytri]

Um, stuff like what I'm wearing in my avatar. Mostly woven button down shirts and jeans. Also I have dyed hair and piercings, I suppose those might code as feminine to some people, but I don't think they'd be seen as old.