How realistic is a long term transition?

[JoanneB]

Life is transition. Dual roles though is extremely difficult and makes the living a lie part so much more evident. I think you will find 3 years to be too long.

My own personal experience says that three years is way too long. Especially if you know the end goal is a full transition. I was not planning on that, actually could not, never the less I was living part time for a couple of years. It does have an extreme emotional toll. Especially come Sunday night when you have to take off the nail polish. For me that is so symbolic of the lack of permanence.

Others in my support who have done the part-time thing only did so for a few months to a year. The need to do full time was driven and feed by the strain of continuing doing part time. Only in one case that I know of she went full-time after we all basically told her she wasn't fooling anyone but herself that she still can pass as a guy.

[KabitTarah]

My own personal experience says that three years is way too long. Especially if you know the end goal is a full transition. I was not planning on that, actually could not, never the less I was living part time for a couple of years. It does have an extreme emotional toll. Especially come Sunday night when you have to take off the nail polish. For me that is so symbolic of the lack of permanence.

Others in my support who have done the part-time thing only did so for a few months to a year. The need to do full time was driven and feed by the strain of continuing doing part time. Only in one case that I know of she went full-time after we all basically told her she wasn't fooling anyone but herself that she still can pass as a guy.

♥ I'm very, very early on and already feeling this strain!! I expect to be FT within a year and a half of coming OOTC.

On the other hand, for those with great need to delay... I delayed transition for 20 years by going closeted. I've heard of many who delay it without going closeted (though I'd admit it's difficult to comprehend how). I think need to delay can help you delay. Need to slow down can help you to slow down... but there needs to be actual need, not someone's external desire... not your own personal desire (for example, to stop or slow down "for the family" -- which is still external no matter how hard you want to protect them).

True need might be financial, or imposed (if you're not of age, or if health care or law stops or slows your transition). These situations are difficult and I truly feel for people with these problems (some of them are my biggest personal fears about my own transition -- one never knows when one will be roadblocked).

[Allie]

I guess it depends, but I am questioned almost daily on why I look different. I keep saying that I shaved my beard and growing my hair out, wouldn't you expect a difference in my appearance. I have only been on HRT for a little over three months and the changes are happening quicker than I expected, it is noticable and this has been only 3 months not 3 years.

[Sammy]

I guess it depends, but I am questioned almost daily on why I look different. I keep saying that I shaved my beard and growing my hair out, wouldn't you expect a difference in my appearance. I have only been on HRT for a little over three months and the changes are happening quicker than I expected, it is noticable and this has been only 3 months not 3 years.

I usually tell them that I am diet-ing and thus loosing weight - it usually satisfies idle curiosity, but sometimes people take one step further and assume that some sort of terminal illness is also taking place...

[Allie]

LOL... Too funny

Emily I have lost about 20 lbs and have been asked if I have been checked lately by a doctor. Little do they know I have had my blood tested more in the last 4 months then my whole life.

I use the mid-life crisis thing 

[Joan]

I guess it depends, but I am questioned almost daily on why I look different. I keep saying that I shaved my beard and growing my hair out, wouldn't you expect a difference in my appearance. I have only been on HRT for a little over three months and the changes are happening quicker than I expected, it is noticable and this has been only 3 months not 3 years.

I've already shaved my beard off and lost 25lbs so I'm fielding the same questions right now before I even start HRT

Since I started this topic and read all all your experiences and thoughts, it's made me realise how much more I need to think about what to do. It's all so confusing working out what I should do for myself, for my partner, for my children,and my family.

I'm trying not to let it get me down, sometimes with success.

[Sammy]

I've already shaved my beard off and lost 25lbs so I'm fielding the same questions right now before I even start HRT

Since I started this topic and read all all your experiences and thoughts, it's made me realise how much more I need to think about what to do. It's all so confusing working out what I should do for myself, for my partner, for my children,and my family.

I'm trying not to let it get me down, sometimes with success.

If You want to hear my experience - most often it just goes down on You in its entirety, so I just took that as granted. Like, days will come when I will feel like sh..t despite all my efforts, but I am going to live through this day by day, despite everything - or just die trying .

[Allie]

I am going to live through this day by day, despite everything - or just die trying .

That is exactly where I am too

The decision has been made and there's no going back

[Joan]

Like, days will come when I will feel like sh..t despite all my efforts, but I am going to live through this day by day, despite everything - or just die trying .

That sounds like another quote to live by! 

Here's looking forward to the weekend - we're going out to dinner for the first time

[Sammy]

That sounds like another quote to live by! 

Here's looking forward to the weekend - we're going out to dinner for the first time

Glad that You liked . I hope that did sound sincere enough, as it pretty much describes my feelings then and at this moment . I am frustrated, confused and scared, but if life kicks me way too much, I just start kicking back .

[Sharon Lynn]

I don't intend to hide my real self away from now on, but I also don't intend to advertise it either.  People can take me as they find me.

That is SO much my plan and how I've been handling things so far   It's actually kind of interesting to me, watching passively as the guys at work know something's up and being unable to figure it out.  Almost like they are trying to reconcile the changes they see with the person they know.  A psychology experiment in reverse 

[KabitTarah]

That is SO much my plan and how I've been handling things so far   It's actually kind of interesting to me, watching passively as the guys at work know something's up and being unable to figure it out.  Almost like they are trying to reconcile the changes they see with the person they know.  A psychology experiment in reverse 

So much of this!! It's fun in a way... unnerving in others... and I'm really not trying to hide myself anymore (other than with clothing...).

People have noticed my weight loss, my laser scarred face, my long hair, and my skinny jeans . They may have noticed my lack of body hair, dysphoria (probably seen as depression), and previously hidden personality... but they haven't commented on any of those yet.

I just don't care what people think as long as I have the chance to be myself.

[Eva Marie]

My plan is to flip the switch sometime before next summer but I'm not sure that I'll be able to hold out that long. I'm positive that the people at work have noticed changes; people there just seem to "know" something and the women chat me up all of the time now. Today I'm traveling and I'm wearing a baseball cap and I usually get a few odd looks since it hides my boy hair and brings out my face shape. Today I've gotten TONS of stares. The HRT is definitely moving me right along, and I may have to think about flipping that switch sooner rather than later.

For a long term transition I think it depends on how fast the physical and mental changes happen.

[Sammy]

Today I'm traveling and I'm wearing a baseball cap and I usually get a few odd looks since it hides my boy hair and brings out my face shape. Today I've gotten TONS of stares. The HRT is definitely moving me right along, and I may have to think about flipping that switch sooner rather than later.

Same here! I have one winter hat which kinda brings out the best of my features and I do get stares for some reason. I mostly just ignore them as I get them from passers-by, but when in public transportation, I usually just turn on music player and stare out of the window - or into a book . I am still dying to know what do those watchers think...

[ashley_thomas]

I'm a tortoise. Came out to my partner as gender non-conforming in 2002 and came out to myself and her about my trans identity about 2 years ago.  I started therapy then, got my letter last month but had been on "stuff" with notable physical changes in 6 months, now on spiro and my doc said to keep taking my other supps.  My therapist and MD both are supportive of a very slow transition. We'll add E later but next spring i'll have to bind anyway. I'll make it another 2 yrs easy.  That makes 4 years at a minimum.  Reason? Financial independence at 45 is a possibility so I'm in a position where I have great incentive to wait/progress slowly.  Each way has challenges, I'm embracing mine with ownership, resolve and acceptance.  I own my transition and that makes all the difference.

[Beth Andrea]

Hmm...let's see...prior to moving out, I still used my male name, and dressed pretty androgynous...when I moved out from the ex's (15 May 2012), I started wearing women's clothes FT, and introduced myself as "Beth" to my fellow apartment-dwellers...a week later I came out at work (got a new name tag and converted as much of the paperwork as I could)...and 12 June 2012 I changed my name legally; driver's license and Soc Sec card etc.

So about a month? I couldn't imagine living part-time for much longer.

What's stopping you?

[Allie]

I am still dying to know what do those watchers think...

I am curious that once you come out, you get the "I knew all the time"

But it would be interesting to know what people are thinking, especially when I don't think anyone I know has dealt with someone transitioning.

[Sammy]

I am curious that once you come out, you get the "I knew all the time"

But it would be interesting to know what people are thinking, especially when I don't think anyone I know has dealt with someone transitioning.

i actually seriously doubt that, because here the awareness of TG issues is close to zero and most probably thinking that someone might be undergoing transition would be the very last thought to occur. At least to those I am daily interacting with. As for strangers - unless they take me for androgynous girl, they probably think - Jeez what a ->-bleeped-<-, wtf is "it", how disgusting etc etc etc But I have picked up some additional stares when just entering the bus, taking a seat, exchanging glances and then my phone starts to ring and I respond in my usual voice - and then like peeps give me another slightly longer stare...
And speaking about long term transition - if that kind of attention starts to become annoying - I can always just make a mess outta hair, put on a bomber jacket and nobody gives a second glance then . Flipping between genders, yay!

[Allie]

Flipping between genders, yay!

Shopping and trying on clothes in the womans section is easier when I look andro.

Maybe it's in my head but I seems to be way more natural for me and some of the sales people.

[Sammy]

Shopping and trying on clothes in the womans section is easier when I look andro.

Maybe it's in my head but I seems to be way more natural for me and some of the sales people.

Oh, absolutely!