Currently I'm in college and I attend CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) meetings. I initially came out to two people that I'm friends with that attend. I eventually told one of the staff members (the people who talk about ministry and other faith topics) because there was a retreat that I wanted to go to, but I did not want be roomed with a bunch of girls and present myself as female. I went and roomed with my two friends who knew. It was slightly distressing because I felt like a burden and was told to stay with the women at the one time that the group spilt up. I understand not getting pronouns right away, but none of them have really tried to use my preferred name or pronouns. They also confuse sexual orientation with gender identity and I don't know how to explain this to people (even my mom doesn't get it). This retreat happened in October, but I've really felt distant from this group of people since coming out. I feel like they talk/disrespect me behind my back (mostly the staff and one particular guy). I've heard the staff talk about me because I was 5 feet away and they were indeed laughing at my lack of facial hair. I maybe deaf, but if they knew me then they would realize that I value honesty/loyalty very much. Also I can be mega perceptive at times, which is a blessing and a curse. The staff members have also used the beard thing to segregate me, which I'm not going to show my hurt, but I feel like when I do grow a beard it will be ok people with penises go over here/talk. It is distressing because I do enjoy some moments and my 2 friends.
I was thinking of joining another group with 2 of my friends that split off from CRU, but I feel like a similar thing will occur because there are people who may know me as female (I haven't informed them), which would out me to anyone in that group. Also keep in mind I don't pass 100%, but the confused looks say that I'm on my way.
This whole thing has really alienated me from Christianity and wanting to share fellowship.
