young thoughts and confusion

[Maggiee17]

as far back as i can remember i have know i am a girl, and that stands stronger than ever today. however there are times when i feel disgusted by those feelings. that time is whenever i orgasm.  as soon as i do i feel like im evil and doing horrible things, however sure enough five min or less later the feeling of knowing i am a girl returns.  i know in my heart that i am a woman, so it so confusing why i feel that way after orgasm... has anyone been through this and can give me some advice?

thanks!
Maggie

[Riley Skye]

I felt the exact same way for years. You need to come to terms and accept yourself, be comfortable with yourself.  Go see a gender specialist so that they can help you come to terms with yourself. Also look into starting hormones and dressing more femininelly

[kariann330]

I have been thru it for a long time and asked my doctor about it. He said it's caused by the huge spike in testosterone in the blood post orgasm. When i asked my therapist about it she gave me a good reason too. That spike in boy juice is basically messing with your emotions and your brain as our brains are wired more similarly to a females brain then a guys brain.
It took a little for it to make sense to me but hopefully you understand what i mean.
Hugs.
Kari.

[sarahb]

Yep, sounds familiar. I had the same thing happen when I was younger. Probably just the rush of T that's causing it. Really, all I can say to help is that it went away once I started transitioning, especially after I started HRT. Then orgasms just confirmed my desire to transition as they started to...feminize, I guess is the best way to say it. Whole-body sensations, waves of pleasure, not like the "burst and done" that I used to have.

[Ms Grace]

Sadly, society doesn't teach us to have healthy sexual relationships with our own bodies and the end result is exactly what you've described. You are not "evil" and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It is just your body doing what it naturally does. However, as it seems you may also be trans it's highly likely your feelings are being exacerbated by your gender identity issues. I had very similar issues to those you described, one of the best things about M2F HRT is how much it diminishes the male sex drive, once that went away I felt a lot better about my sexuality.

[Aina]

Coming from a slightly different perspective. I am still pre-everything - while I never really said "I am a girl in a guys body" per say. I've wished I was female for a very very long time. Like you when I relieved myself - those dsyphoria feelings of wanting to be female subsides for a bit, and I would feel bad, but not evil more akin to the feeling of shame.

Honestly not sure how much ground "I wish I was female" versus "I am female" -shrug-

Yet as you see a lot people hear share similar experiences.

Hope you find the answers your looking for.

[Jessica Merriman]

Really, all I can say to help is that it went away once I started transitioning, especially after I started HRT.

EXACTLY!! Well said Sarah. HRT saved me from this insanity as well. Maggiee, you are not alone. As Riley said "find a gender therapist" and things will go from their. Good luck baby! 

[evecrook]

HRT definitely changes that feeling I've had it too