What made you unhappy today? v4.0

[SlateRDays]

Seeing someone else happy and in a better place in life and my inability to be genuinely thankful for knowing them and happy that thing's are looking up because of my own selfishness and jealousy. I've worked hard to remedy this behaviour and it reallly hasn't gotten better.

[Edge]

The worst kind.

Nah. The worst kind are parents who will proudly talk about their bad parenting as if it's something everyone should do while standing back and judging parents who are doing the best they can.
Or people without kids who paint all kids and parents with the same brush, are unable to differentiate between parents who don't care about their kids and parents who are doing the best they can, and have some crazy idea that kids are easy. I have heard some seriously stupid things.

[Shantel]

Seeing someone else happy and in a better place in life and my inability to be genuinely thankful for knowing them and happy that thing's are looking up because of my own selfishness and jealousy. I've worked hard to remedy this behaviour and it reallly hasn't gotten better.

Well you'll just have to concede that you are indeed a human being with normal human thoughts and emotions. At least you recognize your own shortcomings and want to remedy it, many of us don't seem to ever get to that place, so good for you!

[AdamMLP]

Got dragged to the shops with my mother, I've actually got money that I don't mind spending on clothes for once, but there was nothing that would ever fit me properly.  If I'm going to buy clothes new they've got to actually fit.  There were a few in my size, but I didn't like them, and there were some decent kids clothes, but despite being in the 5-14 year olds section they never went up past an age 10.  There were too many people with the sales so I disappeared and sat in the car for half an hour.  I did end up getting a dog coat though.

[Shantel]

Thinking about how coming out could affect relationships within my family.  I had given thought to how I would feel if nobody accepted me and if everyone accepted me.  I never really thought about if some do and some don't and how that could mess things up between people.  I'm ok with losing certain people from my life, but possibly causing relationships between other people to weaken or end is not something I know I can handle.

We've all wrestled with this Casey, it's not easy ever, wishing you well regardless!

[LordKAT]

Thinking about how coming out could affect relationships within my family.  I had given thought to how I would feel if nobody accepted me and if everyone accepted me.  I never really thought about if some do and some don't and how that could mess things up between people.  I'm ok with losing certain people from my life, but possibly causing relationships between other people to weaken or end is not something I know I can handle.

You are not responsible for other peoples relationships. Sometimes strife makes a relationship stronger, sometimes it weakens it. How it is handled is up to the people in that relationship, not you.

[Jill F]

Irresponsible creepy adults who think it's 'cute' when their creepy little brat misbehaves?

^This!

I mean, my parents NEVER let me act up in public and weren't afraid to let me have it if I did.  And I have ADD.

I was just at the mall and some of those brats were really getting on my nerves running around, literally stepping on my toes and screaming at the tops of their lungs. 

What REALLY gets to me is people who let their kids run wild and scream at restaurants.  If it's fast food or hightly unfancy, I don't care.  It's my fault for going there in the first place.  But when I'm out dropping over a hundred bucks on dinner, I would like to relax.  And I mean Jillax.   Some snot nosed punk trying to hide under my table while I'm eating is unfreakingacceptable.   And when it's after 9PM, those rugrats should be in bed and not screaming in my ear. 

[King Malachite]

My two year old attempted to use the adult toilet.  She missed, and it wasn't number one.

I wasn't touching that mess.  Thankfully my mother cleaned it up and bleached the area.

[Lauren5]

^This!

I mean, my parents NEVER let me act up in public and weren't afraid to let me have it if I did.  And I have ADD.

I was just at the mall and some of those brats were really getting on my nerves running around, literally stepping on my toes and screaming at the tops of their lungs. 

What REALLY gets to me is people who let their kids run wild and scream at restaurants.  If it's fast food or hightly unfancy, I don't care.  It's my fault for going there in the first place.  But when I'm out dropping over a hundred bucks on dinner, I would like to relax.  And I mean Jillax.   Some snot nosed punk trying to hide under my table while I'm eating is unfreakingacceptable.   And when it's after 9PM, those rugrats should be in bed and not screaming in my ear. 

It's a little different when over 30 people were piled into my uncle's house.

[LordKAT]

Not really, Willow. Kids are taught at home and through their lives on how to behave. It needs to be continued and watchful parents at gatherings.

[Lauren5]

Not really, Willow. Kids are taught at home and through their lives on how to behave. It needs to be continued and watchful parents at gatherings.

I was the only one over 18 who didn't have an excess of alcohol. My family drinks waaaaaay to much. No wonder they didn't are what their kids were doing.

No excuse, though.

[MadeleineG]

What REALLY gets to me is people who let their kids run wild and scream at restaurants.  If it's fast food or hightly unfancy, I don't care.  It's my fault for going there in the first place.  But when I'm out dropping over a hundred bucks on dinner, I would like to relax.  And I mean Jillax.   Some snot nosed punk trying to hide under my table while I'm eating is unfreakingacceptable.   And when it's after 9PM, those rugrats should be in bed and not screaming in my ear.

For normally developing children, I absolutely agree. The challenge comes in when dealing with atypically developing children--notably those with ASD. Parenting a child with ASD (which, full disclosure, I do) is very difficult. By definition, they have very poor awareness of social conventions and expectations and many have extreme sensory needs (sensory-seeking or sensory-avoidant). Couple these together and what do you get? Self-stimming behaviour that can be quite loud and, frankly, obnoxious.

While attempting to eat in restaurants, my son has:
-run away from the table starting a game of "catch me if you can"
-spun in circles
-thrown food
-entered the kitchen without permission
-screamed at the top of his lungs
-had to be carried out to the car (repeatedly)
-refused to come out from under the table
-refused to come down from the top of the booth bench

the list goes on...

I can assure you with absolute confidence that never once have I enjoyed or supported these behaviours. Unfortunately, that is my son's authentic response to his reality and I have to accept and respect it (as we expect others to accept and respect our difference). We have always responded with firm, but compassionate, reinforcement of expectations, which often changes very little nothing in the moment.

Fine, you say. But why would you bring a kid like this to a nice restaurant?

Short answer #1: because exposure and explicit training are the only way these kids learn how to behave. Keep them home where they won't bother people and you might as well write them off. 

Short answer #2: because parenting a high-needs child is exhausting and cause a lot of anxiety. Striving for normal adult living is natural, normal, and healthy.

Point of the rant: next time you see a kid behaving abhorrently in a restaurant, it might be because mum and dad have poor parenting skills and it might be because the child's neurochemistry and brain structure makes it the best they can manage.

[LordKAT]

I was the only one over 18 who didn't have an excess of alcohol. My family drinks waaaaaay to much. No wonder they didn't are what their kids were doing.

No excuse, though.

Exactly, no excuse. If the kids were taught how to behave, they would have come close to doing so even if their parents were a bit inebriated.

[Lauren5]

Exactly, no excuse. If the kids were taught how to behave, they would have come close to doing so even if their parents were a bit inebriated.

Try severely. Waaaay too many drinks per person. And I assume this doesn't happen just at family gatherings. No wonder the children are so terribly behaved.

No wonder that alcohol thing I had to do for school said I should seek counseling to prevent alcoholism, saying I was at a high risk.

[LordKAT]

That alone would be enough to keep me away. The dysphoria would add to it and I would just not go. But that is me and what I have done.

[Lauren5]

That alone would be enough to keep me away. The dysphoria would add to it and I would just not go. But that is me and what I have done.

I didn't have a choice.

[LordKAT]

I didn't have a choice.

I learned a long time ago that everything is a choice. I do mean everything. It is usually the consequences that make it seem not  a choice. The decision to be your self and not go where you feel uncomfortable is a sane and correct choice. At least it was for me. I realize that you are depending on your family for money and schooling. That too is a choice.

[King Malachite]

Missed a call from Shy. :/

[Amelia Pond]

Missed a call from Shy. :/

Sorry man. *HUGS*

[Jill F]

For normally developing children, I absolutely agree. The challenge comes in when dealing with atypically developing children--notably those with ASD. Parenting a child with ASD (which, full disclosure, I do) is very difficult. By definition, they have very poor awareness of social conventions and expectations and many have extreme sensory needs (sensory-seeking or sensory-avoidant). Couple these together and what do you get? Self-stimming behaviour that can be quite loud and, frankly, obnoxious.

While attempting to eat in restaurants, my son has:
-run away from the table starting a game of "catch me if you can"
-spun in circles
-thrown food
-entered the kitchen without permission
-screamed at the top of his lungs
-had to be carried out to the car (repeatedly)
-refused to come out from under the table
-refused to come down from the top of the booth bench

the list goes on...

I can assure you with absolute confidence that never once have I enjoyed or supported these behaviours. Unfortunately, that is my son's authentic response to his reality and I have to accept and respect it (as we expect others to accept and respect our difference). We have always responded with firm, but compassionate, reinforcement of expectations, which often changes very little nothing in the moment.

Fine, you say. But why would you bring a kid like this to a nice restaurant?

Short answer #1: because exposure and explicit training are the only way these kids learn how to behave. Keep them home where they won't bother people and you might as well write them off. 

Short answer #2: because parenting a high-needs child is exhausting and cause a lot of anxiety. Striving for normal adult living is natural, normal, and healthy.

Point of the rant: next time you see a kid behaving abhorrently in a restaurant, it might be because mum and dad have poor parenting skills and it might be because the child's neurochemistry and brain structure makes it the best they can manage.

Thanks for the reality check.