Susan's Place Logo

News:

Based on internal web log processing I show 3,417,511 Users made 5,324,115 Visits Accounting for 199,729,420 pageviews and 8.954.49 TB of data transfer for 2017, all on a little over $2,000 per month.

Help support this website by Donating or Subscribing! (Updated)

Main Menu

What made you unhappy today? v4.0

Started by V M, December 03, 2013, 04:40:13 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Lauren5

I'm a failure. 5 tries, and I still convuIse to much. I can't do it, I'm too afraid.

It didn't help that the phlebotomists kept calling me he and Ryan despite my resquests to call me she and Lauren,  as well as my attire.
Hey, you've reached Lauren's signature! If you have any questions, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
*beep*

Full time: 12/12/13
Started hormones: 26/3/14
FFS: No clue, winter/spring 2014/15 maybe?
SRS: winter/spring 2014/15?
  •  

Colleen♡Callie

Ugh that's horrible.  Sorry you had to endure that.

Calder, huge hugs.  You are one of the best guys I know and loved by many on here if it helps dull the suicidal thoughts at all, focus on that.  Don't let things get you so down you never get to fully experience life physically as your true self.  We love you and want to see you complete your journey and find happiness.
"Tell my tale to those who ask.  Tell it truly; the ill deeds along with the good, and let me be judged accordingly.  The rest is silence." - Dinobot



  •  

Calder Smith

Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 14, 2014, 11:57:17 AM
Ugh that's horrible.  Sorry you had to endure that.

Calder, huge hugs.  You are one of the best guys I know and loved by many on here if it helps dull the suicidal thoughts at all, focus on that.  Don't let things get you so down you never get to fully experience life physically as your true self.  We love you and want to see you complete your journey and find happiness.

Thank you. The thoughts have dulled a bit but I still feel very depressed.
Manchester United diehard fan.
  •  

Lauren5

Take 2, I was told to try going to the lab at the hospital, maybe they can help more. I'm freaking out here. I feel like a hobo, my boots are soaked from the melting snow on the sidewalks and my socks are soaked too.
Hey, you've reached Lauren's signature! If you have any questions, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
*beep*

Full time: 12/12/13
Started hormones: 26/3/14
FFS: No clue, winter/spring 2014/15 maybe?
SRS: winter/spring 2014/15?
  •  

Edge

There was a thread last night that was pretty interesting and I was hoping to read more of it today, but it seems to have disappeared.
  •  

Lauren5

I failed again. I'm too scared. It's not working. I can't do this once, let alone once every three months. I can't get hormones (or for the later draws renewals) without this. It's over. Life is over. I can't go on anymore.
Hey, you've reached Lauren's signature! If you have any questions, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
*beep*

Full time: 12/12/13
Started hormones: 26/3/14
FFS: No clue, winter/spring 2014/15 maybe?
SRS: winter/spring 2014/15?
  •  

Adam (birkin)

It's OK Lauren! *hugs* I promise, I completely understand how you feel. I was very sick almost 5 years ago, and they needed bloodwork and also an IV to rehydrate me. No matter what I did, no matter what was said, I couldn't even let them poke the needle in me. I just couldn't. I sat in the hospital bed for almost an hour. So they finally sent me home (with much reluctance), saying I should try to drink lots of water even though I couldn't keep anything down. They needed bloodwork a week later, again, couldn't do it.

After a month I was still sick and absolutely needed to have it done to figure out the problem. They had to try multiple times to hit a vein, which was my worst fear...but. I finally managed to convince myself that it was OK by imaging the needle as something else. Rather than thinking "omg it's going into my skin omg it's going inside me" I just imagined it as if someone was punching me in the arm and making it sting. I figure, I could handle the sting of someone punching me or pinching me for ten seconds, cause it's on the outside, I'm not freaked out by something going inside. So my strategy now is look away from the needle, take a deep breath, imagine that the nurse is going to pinch my skin with her fingers for ten seconds or so, and just kind of let that wash over me. Needles are still difficult, but I make it through.
  •  

Lauren5

Quote from: birkin on March 14, 2014, 04:46:58 PMIt's OK Lauren! *hugs* I promise, I completely understand how you feel. I was very sick almost 5 years ago, and they needed bloodwork and also an IV to rehydrate me. No matter what I did, no matter what was said, I couldn't even let them poke the needle in me. I just couldn't. I sat in the hospital bed for almost an hour. So they finally sent me home (with much reluctance), saying I should try to drink lots of water even though I couldn't keep anything down. They needed bloodwork a week later, again, couldn't do it.

After a month I was still sick and absolutely needed to have it done to figure out the problem. They had to try multiple times to hit a vein, which was my worst fear...but. I finally managed to convince myself that it was OK by imaging the needle as something else. Rather than thinking "omg it's going into my skin omg it's going inside me" I just imagined it as if someone was punching me in the arm and making it sting. I figure, I could handle the sting of someone punching me or pinching me for ten seconds, cause it's on the outside, I'm not freaked out by something going inside. So my strategy now is look away from the needle, take a deep breath, imagine that the nurse is going to pinch my skin with her fingers for ten seconds or so, and just kind of let that wash over me. Needles are still difficult, but I make it through.
I've tried all sorts of things like that, none of it works. I wish I could be unconscious during the procedure. Of course insurance won't pay of anything besides the labwork and the actual phlebotomy itself, so my only option is to tough it up, which didn't work.
I'm going to call my doctor on Monday (actually I think she may be calling me, not sure) and ask her if there's some sort of anti-anxiety medication that is stronger than the clonazepam I have (leftover from when they were trying to draw blood back in October. That didn't go over well) and see if that works, along with attempting to find a friend who is willing to brave the lab.
To be quite honest, I'd rather tightrope walk between the Petronas Twin Towers than be in the lab.
Hey, you've reached Lauren's signature! If you have any questions, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
*beep*

Full time: 12/12/13
Started hormones: 26/3/14
FFS: No clue, winter/spring 2014/15 maybe?
SRS: winter/spring 2014/15?
  •  

Edge

Yesterday, I was told by a well meaning person, "I've never met a girl named Victor before."
  •  

FalseHybridPrincess

Quote from: Lauren5 on March 14, 2014, 01:11:50 PM
I failed again. I'm too scared. It's not working. I can't do this once, let alone once every three months. I can't get hormones (or for the later draws renewals) without this. It's over. Life is over. I can't go on anymore.

Quote from: Edge on March 14, 2014, 04:56:48 PM
Yesterday, I was told by a well meaning person, "I've never met a girl named Victor before."

:(

Do not lose hope
http://falsehybridprincess.tumblr.com/
Follow me and I ll do your dishes.

Also lets be friends on fb :D
  •  

Apples Mk.II

I am seriously considering reverting to male presentation, although not dropping the HRT. I know how I feel without it.


To be honest, after nearly 7 months of quasi full time, I don't feel comfortable in my skin.  Each time I went out did not make things easier. Let's be honest: I'm not passable. I made a bad choice  taking the decision of being out so early. I don't pass without FFS, and After the initial HRT high I got with the first body results, I feel as awful as in the beggining. I have always known that I required FFS , and my plan was FFS first, presenting female later, but... I was forced because of the RLE.

I feel it's pathetic to go back to presenting male after one year (In fact, I will still need to present female to the ones that only know me like that, specially when this summer  I will be in deep trouble to hide the breasts unless I go back to saggy t-shirts. I don't even feel ok with that first date. My photos don't show the ugly reality, and I don't want to disappoint him this badly.
  •  

Colleen♡Callie

"Tell my tale to those who ask.  Tell it truly; the ill deeds along with the good, and let me be judged accordingly.  The rest is silence." - Dinobot



  •  

Apples Mk.II

#1852
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 15, 2014, 01:17:16 PM
Real life experience for FFS?

For the whole being accepted into the system by the therapists. If I wanted HRT was forced to make the whole RLE, coming out to everybody... Transition has only reduce my quality of life. No family, no job, can't concentrate... It's the same as in the beggining. My dysphoria never went away. The same issues that haunted me are still there. And after all of this hell to get the hormones, I'm still in square zero but worse: A man body and face with breasts. No make or presentation or voice training can help me pass, neither ease the dysphoria. Whenever I go out presenting female is like living a nightmare, because it only feels like a guy in a dress. Presenting male is even worse, but I don't need to deal with the weird looks. If I cut my hair and stopped maintaining the eyebrows, I don't think I would even get an occasional misgendering after 11 months.
  •  

Natalia

My mother...died this morning...  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...

This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...
  •  

Shantel

Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning...  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...

This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...

Oh honey I'm so sad for you dear!
  •  

Calder Smith

Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning...  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...

This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...

Oh my.. I'm so sorry. :(
Manchester United diehard fan.
  •  

V M

I am so sorry Natalia  :icon_sad:

We are all here for you

Hugs
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS


- V M
  •  

Miss_Bungle1991

Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning...  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...

This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...

:'( :icon_hug:

I can't even imagine going through something like that.
  •  

Nero

Quote from: Edge on March 14, 2014, 12:32:05 PM
There was a thread last night that was pretty interesting and I was hoping to read more of it today, but it seems to have disappeared.

That might have been mine. Sometimes I write a bunch of stuff and then think I talk too much :laugh:
Maybe I'll try to resurrect it without my rantings.
Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.
  •  

Jenny07

Out riding today in Sydney usually quiet on the roads.

A group ahead of me got run up the rear by a SUV and 6 badly hurt, and it looked awful. :(
I got diverted around but usually avoid that specific section as it is very dangerous.

Sydney drivers, some of the worst in the world. >:(

So long and thanks for all the fish
  •