I don't see myself as a gay man

[Joe.]

I know labels don't matter and everything but I've been really hung up on them lately. I like women and men romantically and sexually (women more than men). I don't really feel like I have a sexuality, I just like people.

I'm really confused lately though because I feel like I have fallen for a male friend. I don't know if it's just admiration or if I actually like him. He's perfect the way he is and if he was to ask me out, I would 100 million percent say yes. My parents love him and he is everything you could want in a guy. The thing is, I don't see myself as a gay man, but if we were in a relationship it would be a gay relationship.

The likelihood of us getting together is rather slim so I don't know why I am worrying. I think I needed to talk about my feelings for him.

[Lauren5]

Joe, if you really have some romantic attraction, screw the label. The only one you need is in love. That's the only one that truly matters. If he's where your heart lies, go for it.
And heck, you're already trans, what's another label on top of that? You can get through this, suive votre coeur, mon ami, and all will be well.

[Edge]

Heh. I'm in a similar boat. I usually don't like labels when it comes to sexuality. I rarely get attracted to anyone and, when I do, they can be whatever gender. Now, I'm very much attracted to a male friend.
The likelihood of us getting together is slim too.

[Rachel]

I am trying to free myself from labels ( labels on myself). I recently opened my perspective and consider myself pansexual. It never occurred to me that is what I am but it really describes who I am. I considered myself gay then bi and now pan. However I classify attraction as long as I leave the preconceived notions behind and just accept myself I feel so much better about myself. I know this sounds easy but it has taken a long time to reach this conclusion with a lot of confusion and self loathing along the way.

[musicofthenight]

Joe, you sound like a guy who has a crush on a guy, which sometimes happens, you know. 

But there's something you don't like about being a "gay man."  It might be illuminating to ask some questions why.  Maybe you don't like gay culture, maybe the tropes and stereotypes don't fit.  Maybe you're just crushing on one guy and not guys in general.  Maybe you're worried about homophobia.

Words don't matter as much as the things they talk about.  This is doubly true when talking about people.  Dig deeper, the right word might not exist.

[suzifrommd]

The process of discovering one's sexuality is confusing for everyone. We'd like to believe that, as transgender people, we'll get a free pass because we've already gone through one journey of discovery. But alas, it doesn't work that way.

I don't want to be a lesbian either. I'd love to fit in with the 90+% of women who are straight, but attraction to males is proving elusive.

[Adam (birkin)]

Too, if you like both men and women, of course you're not going to feel like a gay man. It would be a gay relationship since it's two men, but you are a bisexual man. Does that seem like a better way to think of it at all?

[Joe.]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I think I am just getting too hung up on labelling myself when there's no need. My sexuality is really confusing sometimes. I feel like there's some internalized homophobia towards myself yet I have no problem with gay people. I don't know what it is. I don't feel like I'm in control of my sexuality and that lack of control is what's causing the issues. I don't feel like a stereotypical gay man, but I don't feel like a stereotypical straight man either, whatever those 2 are. I just feel like me but I don't know myself.

I really like my friend and he's 1 person that I never in a million years would think I'd like. I don't want to tell him and make things awkward. Why does sexuality have to be so confusing?! 

[Natkat]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I think I am just getting too hung up on labelling myself when there's no need. My sexuality is really confusing sometimes. I feel like there's some internalized homophobia towards myself yet I have no problem with gay people. I don't know what it is. I don't feel like I'm in control of my sexuality and that lack of control is what's causing the issues. I don't feel like a stereotypical gay man, but I don't feel like a stereotypical straight man either, whatever those 2 are. I just feel like me but I don't know myself.

I really like my friend and he's 1 person that I never in a million years would think I'd like. I don't want to tell him and make things awkward. Why does sexuality have to be so confusing?! 

Well im bisexual and I can somehow reconize some of it + I heard other say the same.
I always been accepting of gay people. in my famely it been made clear from a young age that it was totally okay so I would never have to come out, yet when I felt for a guy as more than just a friend I felt rather homophobic toward myself, it like "its okay it exist I just dont want myself to be one"
I had a pretty rough time accepting it and also liking girls had give me back and forth though on "what if it just a phraise" and all that. but finally I came to a point where I learned that its okay no matter what gender love is love.
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I know some people have said the same thing so I think it kind of normal.