Would you consider these red flags?

[Jean24]

***sorry for the wall o text, please read! ***

Hi guys, I have been in therapy for 4 months and will be going on hormones soon. My therapist and I have had our differences in opinions in the past and some things that she's said to me are making me wonder about her. When I first moved back home in August, work was hard to find. I was totally disgusted with the job market by October and let her know about it when she asked how the job hunt was going. I told her I think that it's bs that I have to kiss up to every potential employer and spend hours of my time and send nearly all of my personal information to them when I never get so much as ANY kind of response (I got the interview for my current job after applying everywhere for 4.5 months but that's it). She said I was depressed and I told her that I'm reacting negatively to a negative situation. It's a natural reaction to a crappy situation and anti depressants will do nothing but supposedly make me less unhappy about it. She finally backed off when I was lucky enough to get a job and (surprise surprise) my "depression" magically disappeared. She was pretty insistent for a few weeks and I felt she wanted me to be depressed and she wanted me on anti depressants. More recently, she said she feels that I am waiting for something to transition. I told her from the beginning that I very much want to transition but have no interest in presenting until I can pass. Her patient after me is MTF and looks like a man in a tight short sleeved shirt and tight jeans. If that makes her feel good about herself then great, but I'm not presenting (as I said) till I can pass. Anything sooner would be detrimental and even more confusing. Questions come up as to why I need a GID therapist at $200 a month when I can spend that money on a nice dress and show off my hairy legs without her assistance. Third and finally, she wants me to change my name as soon as I get on hormones which is in 2 months or so. This is before I am comfortable doing so, and I said so. She said it was to prevent some kind of fraud or something, but I was too uncomfortable to really pay it more attention than that. Why can I not do this my way at my pace? Why does my frustration HAVE to be depression that HAS to be treated with anti depressants? Why do I HAVE to prove that I'm not waiting for something/prove to her that I am transsexual? I will be starting laser hair removal soon and the only reason I haven't done so yet is because I spend about 10 hours a day Sunday through Friday between school, work, and volunteering but it doesn't seem like it's fast enough for her.  Thanks for reading, what are your thoughts?

[Cindy]

Get a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria!

This one sounds like a nut IMO.

[Kaylee]

Get a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria!

This one sounds like a nut IMO.

What she said!

[bethany]

Get a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria!

This one sounds like a nut IMO.

I have to agree with Cindy.
It sounds like your therapist got her degree out of a Cracker Jack Box.

It's your life go at your own pace.

Hugs and good luck.

[musicofthenight]

Your goals are colliding with your therapist's, so that relationship really ain't going nowhere.

anti depressants will do nothing but supposedly make me less unhappy about it.

Mine makes me a little less dramatic and a lot more confident in dealing with unhappiness.  YMMV.  If your feelings are keeping you from getting what you want and you're willing to deal with the withdrawal symptoms when the time comes, I think you should give meds a shot.  However, that's a decision that you'd have to make for yourself.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Hers is the standard procedure in the UK from my experience.

I had to do name change passport change and be ft for ages before they would consider hormones or any treatment.

[suzifrommd]

Third and finally, she wants me to change my name as soon as I get on hormones which is in 2 months or so.

This isn't for her to say. The timing of your name change is up to you and only you.

I would caution against waiting until HRT makes you passable. There are a lot of people for whom it does nothing for their passability (me included). OTOH as long as your bone structure isn't obviously male, passability can be achieved without HRT, with clothing, hairstyle, wigs, carriage, make-up etc.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Ηhhhm , you know I wouldnt blame her, I mean obviously she is wrong but the thing is that she goes by the rules , im pretty sure that the name changing thing is part of some law or something , it cant be helped.

To be honest I would love to be able to change my name within 2 months , because here in greece you cant change your documents unless you first had a srs , ridiculous ,right?

Anyway I get you 100% , maybe you should change therapist,,,
the thing is that from my experience you are more likely to get hormones when you are more feminine than when you are not...
I dont think most of the therapist really understand us , thats why this happens...

btw Im new here , nice to meet you.


oh I almost forgot, antidepresants did help me in some ways to feel better , but thinking back to it  I think i was just getting happier cause I knew that soon maybe I d start hormones...It gets me a little worried though cause a therapist I used to see gave me those and as I later figured out he wouldnt give me hormones for a year or so? so I changed therapist...and he didnt even mentioned the antidepresants

[Jean24]

Thanks everyone for all of your answers!

[Felice Aislin]

I would be looking for a new therapist.  All the things that bothered you, would have been red flags for me personally, as well.  Thank goodness the therapist my partner and I found is actually very helpful instead of being just another person that doesn't understand or respect us and creates problems for us because of that!

Sometimes people don't have much to pick from, and are in a situation where they feel it best to go along hoping to get something they need out of it...but really, you know things should be better, and I hope you are able to find a better fit!

[SnowDrop]

Bleh, that sounds ridiculous.  Is there anyway you could get the scrip for hormones then just find a new therapist?

[Jean24]

Bleh, that sounds ridiculous.  Is there anyway you could get the scrip for hormones then just find a new therapist?

I was hoping that might be a possibility just to start transitioning but with my most recent visit today she pretty much said it's not happening. I'm might be paraphrasing but she said there's no way in hell she will write me a letter.

I had a ton of stuff up in the air over the holidays (switching colleges, temp jobs ending, etc.) and the problems that come along with all of it. I told her all about it last time. She asked me how it was going and I told her I made only a little progress. For a good while after that it was all about me being depressed, how there's no way she will write a letter any time soon, and how I need to see the doctor for a prescription. I made another appointment just to be safe and allow myself some time to think it over, but I think I'm pretty much done seeing her. Thanks for all of your feedback. 

[JLT1]

I have been on HRT for 10 months (-2 for a surgery in there).  However, I have only presented as female to my therapist only once and that was 6 months post HRT. She agreed that I would do FFS before I transition full time.  I told her my new name but cannot change it legally as there is conflict with work on name change and full time.  I have no clue where your therapist is coming from.

Hugs,

Jen