REJECTED!!!

[Gina Taylor]

This morning, my mom returned back home to see a man about cleaning her sofa's and rugs. While she was doing something in the kitchen, I snuck out to her car with a file folder with my coming out letter and I put it into her car. When she got home, she told me that she didn't even look at it, but she had a nagging feeling in her for the past few days.

I tried to explain what I wanted to do, but she's dead set against me 'dressing up like a woman'. She's under the impression that it's to start a relationship with a man, which I tried to explain to her that it wasn't. She just doesn't understand that I'm a woman inside. All she wants to accept is that I'm her son and that's it.

I tried to explain to her that I converse alot better with women as a woman . Then she went on about how my sister gets along good with men, but she doesn't dress up like a man, so why do I have to dress like a woman to get along with women.

I tried to explain to my dad that I have GID, and he wanted to know who diagnosed me with this, and when I told him that I did, he told me that I'm not a professional, so my opinion doesn't matter.

My mom told me that it would be easier to accept if I told her that I was gay instead of telling her that I want to be her first born daughter.

She also told me that I can do whatever I want after she's dead . . .

I've been fighting with her  for the past 18 years about this problem and she's making no effort to help me, because she only wants her 'son' and not another daughter. It's like a never ending battle, and she's already getting it up against my therapist, because he understands more than she does. There are so many times that I've called her ignorant, and she thinks that I'm being disrespectful to her, when I'm just calling it the way I see it. I try to educate her about it, but she always turns a deaf ear to me because she doesn't feel that she needs to hear about it, because she feels that it's not pertaining to her.

[Shaina]

All I can say is I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially after what seems like years of conflict.

Please stay strong Gina, you'll get through this. I'm hopeful that your parents will one day know their daughter. If not, the loss will be theirs not yours.

::HUGS::

[Devlyn]

Big hug! Here's the good news, you're not living your life for your parents, you're living your life for you. Keep that thought in your head. You've made a step forward whether you see it or not.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Well, do you think that maybe after some time has passed, she could start to see the light? I went through some of the same things at first with my mom but she eventually came around. Let's hope that your's does too.

[Jill F]

My mom finally called me Jill for the first time yesterday after she flat out refused when I came out to her in April.

Don't give up hope.  These things take time to process.

Hugs!!!

[Andrea_LS]

Stay strong, Gina, you're doing the right thing by being yourself!

Maybe this will help:

Two situations.
(1) I knew I was female for sure since 15 years old, but didn't come out to myself until I was 26.
(2) Regardless of who you are your mother refuses to alter her concept of you.

What do these two things have in common?

Regardless of evidence, conviction, logic, and even love, if a person doesn't want to accept something, they won't until they change their mind. I like to say that the greatest human power of all is choice, and there's hardly anything that trumps it. It's sad that she made a painful choice, but choices can change. It may take time, maybe even lots of time, but the chance things will change is never 0%.

For me, I had a lifetime of evidence that only all "clicked" once I let it. For you, she doesn't get it because she seems to simply not want to. Unfortunately only she can decide to change her mind. The best thing to do that I can think of is to stay strong and show by example, rather than confrontation, of how the real you living as the real you is the best you she could ever know. She may change her mind, or she may not, but the fact that you want her to know about your transition and be supportive means you care about her very much, and that is an honorable and beautiful thing!

[Kade1985]

This happened to me as well. The only thing you can really do is give her time. She needs to think about this on her own. The more you push the more she'll resist, trust me on that one. My mother is that way and I've learned that trying to push something she doesn't want to hear, know, or understand the more she becomes resentful of it. Something I apparently inherited myself so I can relate in a way.

Just be who you are meant to be. You have to be strong for yourself at this point because you want to be who you are and have things feel better for you.

I hope your parents come around. I know the feeling when your parents won't accept something. It sucks and it hurts, but you gotta learn to maneuver around that so that you can grow for yourself. Hopefully they will come around some day.

[Gina Taylor]

All I can say is I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially after what seems like years of conflict.

Please stay strong Gina, you'll get through this. I'm hopeful that your parents will one day know their daughter. If not, the loss will be theirs not yours.

::HUGS::

Thanks Shaina for your heartfelt kind words and the hug. 

[Gina Taylor]

Big hug! Here's the good news, you're not living your life for your parents, you're living your life for you. Keep that thought in your head. You've made a step forward whether you see it or not.

Hugs, Devlyn

I know that I'm not living my life for my parents and that I'm living my life for me. I've tried to explain that to them. But there are so many consequences involved. But could you explain what you mean  when you say that I've made a step forward whether I see it or not. 

[Gina Taylor]

Well, do you think that maybe after some time has passed, she could start to see the light? I went through some of the same things at first with my mom but she eventually came around. Let's hope that your's does too.

Not really. My mom is very stuborn. I tried working her over 18 years ago and she wouldn't budge, and now 18 years later she's still the same way. Unfortunately the only way that I'd be able to live my life as a woman would be to completely disown myself from my family.

[Gina Taylor]

Well, do you think that maybe after some time has passed, she could start to see the light? I went through some of the same things at first with my mom but she eventually came around. Let's hope that your's does too.

No way that thats ever going to happen. My mom is very stuborn. I tried to work her over 18 years ago and she wouldn't budge and now 18 years later and still nothing. The only way that I'd beable to live my life as a woman is by completely diswoning my family. 

[Gina Taylor]

Stay strong, Gina, you're doing the right thing by being yourself!

Maybe this will help:

Two situations.
(1) I knew I was female for sure since 15 years old, but didn't come out to myself until I was 26.
(2) Regardless of who you are your mother refuses to alter her concept of you.

What do these two things have in common?

Regardless of evidence, conviction, logic, and even love, if a person doesn't want to accept something, they won't until they change their mind. I like to say that the greatest human power of all is choice, and there's hardly anything that trumps it. It's sad that she made a painful choice, but choices can change. It may take time, maybe even lots of time, but the chance things will change is never 0%.

For me, I had a lifetime of evidence that only all "clicked" once I let it. For you, she doesn't get it because she seems to simply not want to. Unfortunately only she can decide to change her mind. The best thing to do that I can think of is to stay strong and show by example, rather than confrontation, of how the real you living as the real you is the best you she could ever know. She may change her mind, or she may not, but the fact that you want her to know about your transition and be supportive means you care about her very much, and that is an honorable and beautiful thing!

I really like what you're saying Andrea, but how exactly would I go about staying strong and showing by example to my mom? What should I do exactly? 

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Yeap, as I recall my mother pretty much was like that too, after a year it doesnt seem to bother her anymore , she even pays for the doctors (thank god for that)

So I think you should give her some time , but also try to educate her , sooner or later she will listen...

Its wierd cause from all the people I came out to my mom had the worst reaction , the not approving one...
"its cause i love you the most" she said...meh I call bs on that...


Only time will tell , even if she never accepts you I think you should just move on...

[Gina_Z]

True your family might disown you, but that doesn't mean you have to disown them. You can treat them in a gentle way, like a woman does, with love. You can't control the world around you, but you can control how you react to it.

[Emily.T]

Big hugs Gina I am sorry this has been so hard for you just remember that I am here for you if you need to talk.

Emily.T xx

[Gina Taylor]

This happened to me as well. The only thing you can really do is give her time. She needs to think about this on her own. The more you push the more she'll resist, trust me on that one. My mother is that way and I've learned that trying to push something she doesn't want to hear, know, or understand the more she becomes resentful of it. Something I apparently inherited myself so I can relate in a way.

Just be who you are meant to be. You have to be strong for yourself at this point because you want to be who you are and have things feel better for you.

I hope your parents come around. I know the feeling when your parents won't accept something. It sucks and it hurts, but you gotta learn to maneuver around that so that you can grow for yourself. Hopefully they will come around some day.

Thanks Jarred for your kind and heartfelt words. I've given my mom 6 years of peace. I haven't bothered her about this until now. I do realize that it's like a bomb being dropped on her, but I'm not asking her for any money though, because I tried to explain to her that I'm a non-op transsexual. And of course she went off about my female friends and when they find out that I'm really a male dressed as a woman then what, but I didn't want to get into the whole presentation thing with her, which I handle very well, and basically if I'm living full time they'd never need to know about my past life unless it was brought up.

But unfortunately the only way that I'd be able to live my life properly is to leave home, disown my family  or wait until my parents die. And I've already been suffering long enough . . .

[Gina Taylor]

Yeap, as I recall my mother pretty much was like that too, after a year it doesnt seem to bother her anymore , she even pays for the doctors (thank god for that)

So I think you should give her some time , but also try to educate her , sooner or later she will listen...

Its wierd cause from all the people I came out to my mom had the worst reaction , the not approving one...
"its cause i love you the most" she said...meh I call bs on that...


Only time will tell , even if she never accepts you I think you should just move on...

Thanks for your kind words of wisdom, but how am I supposed to give her time to adjust to the new me if she won't even let me be me in her house, and she 's told me bluntly not to send her anything on transsexualism, because she won't read it. She claims that she's read more than she wanted to six years ago on it, and she doesn't need to read any more about it. So unfortunately educating her about it is out of the question, unless you have some other way around it.

I'm just thinking about leaving by the New Year and that will be the end of it. Just me and the open road.

[Anna++]

I'm so sorry your parents have had this reaction.  Do you still live with them?  If you plan to go forward with transition soon, I'd suggest finding a place to live on your own where you can be yourself.  They are in denial, and it may take a long time before they come around.  My parents had a similar reaction, and I ultimately decided that I wasn't going to let their bad reaction change my plans.

How you end up handling the situation is up to you, but always remember that you know yourself better than they do.  Good luck!

[Gina Taylor]

True your family might disown you, but that doesn't mean you have to disown them. You can treat them in a gentle way, like a woman does, with love. You can't control the world around you, but you can control how you react to it.

Y'know Gina Z, that's what they've told me, so why can't I disown them? But you've also made a good point there, about doing what a woman should do and treat them with love. Maybe I might try that, as long as they don't suspect anything. I did however send my mom a possible compromise that sh emay go for. More on that later . . .

[Gina Taylor]

Big hugs Gina I am sorry this has been so hard for you just remember that I am here for you if you need to talk.

Emily.T xx

Thanks for that comfort and the hugs Emily. I may send you an e-mail later.