Stealth: Clarification

[Carol2000]

I transitioned in the early 80s and a few years later changed jobs, at which time nobody I came into contact with on a day-to-day basis knew about my past. From then on I've lived a normal life. At the various jobs I have had over the years, including where I now work, nobody knows my past.

True, I've kept in touch with my two children and have an excellent relationship with them. However, My grandchildren don't know about my past, nor do my husband's family.

The point I am trying to make is that very few people know about my past. Recently, coming on sites like this for information regarding FFS (which I've since had), I came across the word "Stealth" and realised it referred to people just like me who prefer to live life as a natural-born woman as much as possible.

I recently saw the top endocrinologist in the UK and even told him I was in stealth and he understood it as referring to someone in my position.

However, I have since seen the term used on here by people who have not yet transitioned, one who said she wasn't able to wear nail varnish because she was in stealth.

I'm now confused. Lost in translation, perhaps?


Caroline

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

They again mean that nobody know.  Simple as that. 

I am nearly able to go stealth.  Wld require a job change tho,  so I am a bit torn. 

[nikkit72]

I think the word stealth means different things to different people. I agree with Caroline's interpretation of the word where someone who has already transitioned successfully and nothing is mentioned of their male past. However, some see the term, when applied to transitioning as not telling anyone that they identify as a woman, dress indoors or take hormones for example, but still present as male on a daily basis. They are hidden away to the world, except, maybe on a forum such as this.  And, for those that do, please don't take the pervious sentence as criticism. All of us do what we have to do. Just different ways of reaching our goals.

It may be that the difference in interpretation, particularly for us that are UK based, comes from the fact that most of us in the UK have to hide in plain sight in order to get the treatment we need. RLE (which for me included my name change as proof of starting RLE) prior to getting hormones or anything else through the NHS for example.  Not fun. Stealth to me, in this case would be hoping that no body notices (unlikely) and not telling anyone either. In the US, it is my understanding that people get HRT/treatments/therapy prior to starting RLE so 'go stealth' until they are convinced that they have a chance of 'passing'.

I may be completely wrong though. 

[Carol2000]

I think the word stealth means different things to different people. I agree with Caroline's interpretation of the word where someone who has already transitioned successfully and nothing is mentioned of their male past. However, some see the term, when applied to transitioning as not telling anyone that they identify as a woman, dress indoors or take hormones for example, but still present as male on a daily basis. They are hidden away to the world, except, maybe on a forum such as this.  And, for those that do, please don't take the pervious sentence as criticism. All of us do what we have to do. Just different ways of reaching our goals.

It may be that the difference in interpretation, particularly for us that are UK based, comes from the fact that most of us in the UK have to hide in plain sight in order to get the treatment we need. RLE (which for me included my name change as proof of starting RLE) prior to getting hormones or anything else through the NHS for example.  Not fun. Stealth to me, in this case would be hoping that no body notices (unlikely) and not telling anyone either. In the US, it is my understanding that people get HRT/treatments/therapy prior to starting RLE so 'go stealth' until they are convinced that they have a chance of 'passing'.

I may be completely wrong though. 

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Yes that now makes perfect sense. I haven't looked through any of my previous posts yet, but no doubt I have mentioned being in stealth and our American cousins may have got the wrong impression. It's only with medics and on this site and the UK Angels site that I might even mention it, so I will bear that in mind that using the word stealth here on Susan's is not necessarily the correct term for someone living full-time as a female but not telling anyone.

I wonder what is the correct term? Can anyone tell me?

Caroline

[evecrook]

now I'm confused I always thought stealth was living female just not mentioning your past as male.

[Sammy]

It is really simple
In one case, the person does not tell that she was not born a female. Like, stealth life .
In the other, she does not tell that she is transitioning. Like, stealth transition .

I am falling under the latter group, but if anyone would ask if I am trans, I would not deny anything. So that is like part-time stealth or smth? (just wanted to bring some more confusion, sorry )

[evecrook]

thanks, sounds better

[Gina_Z]

I'd like to live my life as woman, but I am sort of pre-transition. I go to work in guy mode and my MTF GID situation is secret. I'm in a stealth mode. If I wore nail polish, I'd have some splaining to do. Caroline is living in stealth mode. She presents as a CIS woman. Her past is mostly a secret. So yeah- they are almost opposite situations, meanings. I'd love to trade my stealth for her stealth.

[Tristan]

i think your fine. a woman is aloud to have secrets. and when you get married you and your husband share each others secrets 100% and watch each others backs. everyone else just doesn't need to know.

[Carol2000]

I'd like to live my life as woman, but I am sort of pre-transition. I go to work in guy mode and my MTF GID situation is secret. I'm in a stealth mode. If I wore nail polish, I'd have some splaining to do. Caroline is living in stealth mode. She presents as a CIS woman. Her past is mostly a secret. So yeah- they are almost opposite situations, meanings. I'd love to trade my stealth for her stealth.

Hi Gina,
Thanks for your comment. I must admit after all these years I take a lot for granted.

I have a friend whom I have only known for a couple years because she had just gone through with FFS and I wanted to pick her brain, and a very fine brain she has. She has been very helpful in so many ways, one of which is advising me to get off the hormone Premarin which is not very good for us but it was prescribed to me at Charing Cross Hospital in London when I was told I would be taking them for life. 34 years after starting on them I am now on Progynova, thanks to her advising me to see the top endocrinologist whom I saw last month. He recommended my GP change my prescription.

Sorry, I digress. The point I was coming to is that she is a couple of years younger than me and had her op less than two years ago. She says she is envious of me starting earlier and also the fact that I have been working in quite a good profession continuously for all those years without people knowing about my past. I must admit I had not really appreciated what I had achieved.

However, if your age is anything like your avatar, I'm envious of your youth, but sorry, I wouldn't trade my stealth!

Best wishes for the rest of your life.

Caroline

[Anatta]

I'm now confused. Lost in translation, perhaps?


Caroline

Kia Ora Caroline,

It's not going to change, trans-people at all stages are going to continue to use this "under the radar" term...

I had/have the same problem trying to understand some posts where the word 'stealth' was/is used... 

However it might be a good idea for forum use, for members if they choose to use the term stealth-(bearing in mind some don't) to use something like a simple prefix before the word stealth, example  BFT-stealth (Before Full Transition Stealth) AT or PT-stealth (After/Post Transition Stealth)...

Perhaps Susan's should have a competition to come up with a simple prefix to put before "stealth" to end the confusion...

Abbreviations do have a habit of catching on...

BTW... I'm PT "S" stealth= Post Transition Semi-stealth-for the most part having the luxury of going about my business unchallenged, but at the same time quite comfortable disclosing my past should the need arise... Whilst some see themselves as PT"D" stealth =Post Transition Deep-stealth - also going about their business unchallenged but for safety reasons(possibly having a justifiable fear for their personal safety ie living in a transphobic environment) not wishing for others to know anything about their past life...


Metta Zenda

 

[Sammy]

However it might be a good idea for forum use, for members if they choose to use the term stealth-(bearing in minesome don't) to use something like a simple prefix before the word stealth, example  BFT-stealth (Before Full Transition Stealth) AT or PT-stealth (After/Post Transition Stealth)...
Perhaps Susan's should have a competition to come up with a simple prefix to put before "stealth" to end the confusion...
Abbreviations do have a habit of catching on...
BTW... I'm PT "S" stealth= Post Transition Semi-stealth-for the most part having the luxury of going about my business unchallenged, but at the same time quite comfortable disclosing my past should the need arise... Whilst some see themselves as PT"D" stealth =Post Transition Deep-stealth - also going about their business unchallenged but for safety reasons(possibly having a justifiable fear for their personal safety ie living in a transphobic environment) not wishing for others to know anything about their past life...

Gotta love all that labelling and labels .
Unless... if You, Madam, were actually sarcastic... then You just made an excellent post 

[Anatta]

Gotta love all that labelling and labels .
Unless... if You, Madam, were actually sarcastic... then You just made an excellent post 

Kia Ora Emily,

Part serious...Part sarcastic ...But don't ask me which is which

Metta Zenda

[Carol2000]

Kia Ora Emily,

Part serious...Part sarcastic ...But don't ask me which is which

Metta Zenda

I was confused, now I'm just completely baffled. I'm not getting any younger, you know. I'll end up having to pull out a list of acronyms just to be able to understand what you girls are talking about.

[Gina_Z]

Rather than stealth, I've spoken with my handlers, and we'll use the phrase 'pre-transition'. If I was currently in transition, I'd be more out and not hiding who I am so much. Dang. That doesn't work so well when you're transitioning and part time girl mode and also part time guy mode, which is what a lot of transitioners do. 'Stealth' means something is unseen. So if you're tucking....  I don't know. Confusing. I am going back to the Joy of Collecting Shoes thread, to get my head straight. 

[Anatta]

I was confused, now I'm just completely baffled. I'm not getting any younger, you know. I'll end up having to pull out a list of acronyms just to be able to understand what you girls are talking about.

Kia Ora Caroline,

Ok, how about the acronym  BISTP (blending in sans trans-prefix) 

Trans-people are in every sense of the word Con fusing    Con=to trick/persuade... Fusion = joining two or more things together to form a single entity.

Metta Zenda

[LordKAT]

Hi Caroline,

My definition of stealth is the same as yours.  Sometimes it feels like people try to make it confusing.

[JLT1]

I believe that stealth should apply to those living in their real gender and who are not telling the world. 

I am a woman who is forced to work as a man until I can pass.  I call that "boy mode" and leave it, and my tears, there.

Jen

[Isabelle]

I  think some people simply confuse " stealth" with "closeted"

[Katie]

I just think that if someone is a woman they will learn to be a woman, which means keeping their mouth shut. Now if they are a trans person they will probably be out so to say but then they aren't allowing themselves to be a woman now are they?