My first day out in town as my true self and then some!

[Shana-chan]

I almost didn't go through with it but managed to do it. I am surprised at how much easier it was for me especially when I wasn't letting my thoughts, fears, worries etc. get to me. I had gone grocery shopping as my true self, wearing my female clothes out in public for the first time in broad daylight around others. Well I decided to get my ears pierced but didn't due to circumstances but nothing to do with the following but, the lady called me sir. Another lady working there called me Ma'am but quickly changed her wording to Sir. Well at that point I just wanted to get out of my female clothes and go back to wearing my male clothes, having to be suppressed since I was scared I didn't pass as a female... I was upset and hurt but tried not to let on, I immediately wanted to tell them I'm not a guy but couldn't, was too worried they'd question me and maybe ask for I.D. (Ear piecing after all) Do you think I should have told them? What would you have done in that situation? Anyway, so when I finally went to do my grocery shopping I started to feel better and was able to be myself and enjoy myself again. During the whole trip I can't be sure but I think I got 1-3 looks from people including a stare or two, not sure. Anyway when it was time to check out the cashier called me a Ma'am and was somewhat friendly and talkative and didn't change his wording. (Didn't call me a sir) That really made me happy. So, in short I guess for me, it depends on who the person is, I think...or maybe females can better tell?...

It was a nice experience, I liked it and I hope I can continue to do this, it's not easy but I just want to be myself from now on. Though, I was wearing female clothes, the fact remains is that a lot of male and female clothes look the same, which are the kind of clothes I was wearing (Due to conditions my Dad put on me such as no makeup -_-) so the thought of me wearing a dress/skirt has me a bit terrified since I still fear being found out I'm transgender.

Back to that condition my Dad put on me (I'm an adult btw, just need him to take me places atm...), he told me he didn't want to know I was wearing a bra (won't say whether I was or not) but the clothes I wore were much better fitting clothes than the clothes he was used to seeing me in which were baggy (You could still tell I have breasts though) so he noticed my breasts (I'm offended he only looked/started paying attention to me in that area after I told him I was trans) though he shouldn't be looking anyway and I told him that later with what I'm about to say but he sent me an email telling me he wouldn't take me anywhere and would drive off if he saw me wearing a bra. He says I offended him. Well I replied telling him I have breasts you know, won't say whether I was wearing a bra or not but facts are nothing I can do to help it nor will I and he should just not look at me there which I told him was wrong anyway and that so, if you even "think" I'm wearing a bra you'd still drive off, even though I have breasts? I even resent him and my step mom an email proving us trans are telling the truth with what little proof I could find and I haven't heard back from either of them and it's been days... I'm hoping no news is good news...

Well, that was my first day out in town as my true self though I've yet to use the woman's bathroom. OH! I forgot to mention I was able to come out to my neighbors who know me and they seem to be really good people and so on so unless I'm wrong all is good there. Also, my brother called me, wants to get together for Christmas...If this is true and it does happen I'll have to tell him and his wife soon that I'm trans since I refuse to wear those male clothes again. I also worry about presenting as my true self in front of those who know me at stores etc. which, I'll have to do at one of them soon for Christmas...

[Eva Marie]

Shana-chan-

First of all - congrats - it takes real courage to step out the door for the first time en femme.

Something to think about - you don't know why they were staring. They could have simply seen someone attractive. Guys stare at attractive women all of the time!

Also, you'll need to develop some thick skin if you are going to do this. Today I was out dressed as myself and I stopped at a local burger joint for a quick bite. I had a guy across from the table where I was sitting turn sideways in his bench seat and stare at me the whole time I was eating, with his wife at the table. I just ignored him. I had no idea what he saw and I didn't really care either. The word "creepy" came to mind, but I suppose that creepy guys are something that women have to endure all of the time.

~Eva

[michelle]

The more you go out as your real self, the less scary it will be.   People read all sorts of things.   As a 67 year old transgender lady, I have too much history in male presentation, to ever pass totally.  I get the sir then ma'am or ma'am than sir all the time.  But does it really matter, you know who you are and whatever pronoun people use will not change it.   It was hard for me to go out at first also.   But as you go out more, you will find that many people just don't care.   It's hard for me to correct others when they use the wrong pronoun because basically I am shy, and I have learned that I can't change what others think.    I just am female full time 24/7/365, and that's all I let people see.  At the very least most people may just think, "Well, that's just, Michelle, we all know how she is." 

Because I am retired and on retirement pay, I am not faced with the challenges that younger people are.  That's having to find or keep a job.   All so I have found that as a senior citizen,  I am becoming more and more invisible, as many elderly people in the cities of the United States become.     Also, I live with the knowledge that at the most I have 30 more years to live and probably less.   Living day to day as my true self has become more and more important to me.   I may not be able to change myself physically much, but I can let myself become more and more effeminate and express myself as such every second of my day.

It does become easier, so just be kind to yourself, and let yourself be yourself.  Letting yourself be yourself is most times the hardest thing we have to do in life.  Especially for us in our retirement years.

[Shana-chan]

Shana-chan-

First of all - congrats - it takes real courage to step out the door for the first time en femme.

Something to think about - you don't know why they were staring. They could have simply seen someone attractive. Guys stare at attractive women all of the time!

Also, you'll need to develop some thick skin if you are going to do this. Today I was out dressed as myself and I stopped at a local burger joint for a quick bite. I had a guy across from the table where I was sitting turn sideways in his bench seat and stare at me the whole time I was eating, with his wife at the table. I just ignored him. I had no idea what he saw and I didn't really care either. The word "creepy" came to mind, but I suppose that creepy guys are something that women have to endure all of the time.

~Eva

Thank you, it really does. I remember how many times I tried to even when it was dark and hardly anyone was outside yet many times I couldn't do it, out of the fear etc. Even during a black out it was hard because I worried, what if the lights come back on or someone shines a light on me? I know I've only been out once as my true self and that it'll be hard for a while, especially when I start wearing a dress and skirt and makeup but I can't let fear get the better of me. Thank you for your kind words.

If you watch anime then you'll know how I feel probably or at least what I'm doing right now which is this.
*Looks down while blushing some and feeling embarrassed/speechless some and says*
*Me? Attractive? Bu-but I'm not attractive or anything...*
*Continues to look down while feeling all that I said earlier and goes silent from said emotions*

Later on: Really I hadn't ever thought of that before. I don't find myself attractive, cute at times but I guess people can find anyone attractive. Thank you. I never thought of that before. Still I don't remember the 3rd person (If there was) but the other two I do remember. One was a woman who earlier called me a Sir, then later she saw me with women's clothes in my hands and her look throughout the whole time (Before and during) was she was shocked, in disbelief. It's possible she might have been unsure of whether I was male or female though. The other person was an old man, probably around age 50-60. He was sitting down and had kids and others around him. I saw him turn and his head and look at me as I was going down the isle, he only stopped staring when I got close to the end of the isle. He never said a word and I have no idea what he was thinking. Maybe, meh, don't care thought though. Still thank you, that will help me in the future I believe.

I'll say. It doesn't help my feelings are EXTREMELY sensitive. Creepy and awkward comes to my mind. Glad it didn't get to you. I wonder how his wife felt though.

Again thank you for your kind words.

The more you go out as your real self, the less scary it will be.   People read all sorts of things.   

It does become easier, so just be kind to yourself, and let yourself be yourself.  Letting yourself be yourself is most times the hardest thing we have to do in life.  Especially for us in our retirement years.

Thanks and I agree. It was VERY hard on me shopping for female clothes for the first and second time, and that was while I was wearing male clothes at the time and near X-mas time too. Now it's a lot easier for me to do. The bolded is very scary though.