why

[robin s]

Why is it so hard for me to just call a therapist and make an appointment? I chicken out every time I pick up the phone to call. I know how I fell and I know what I want. It was easier to jump out of an armored vehicle and get shot it than make a stupid little phone call.

[Phyliciaraine]

I started by emailing my therapist and I used my female name, I told her about me and made sure she took my insurance.  Once I had done that it was easier to call and talk to her. All I had to say was this is Phylicia and then it was easy to talk to her. I hope this might help. But I will admit it took me almost 4 months to call after I emailed. Be brave, they will not judge you, and it helps more than you can realize.

[Robin Mack]

Why is it so hard for me to just call a therapist and make an appointment? I chicken out every time I pick up the phone to call. I know how I fell and I know what I want. It was easier to jump out of an armored vehicle and get shot it than make a stupid little phone call.

Often, for trans* people, the shell they wear in daily life seems very expendable.  When your soul doesn't fit your body it isn't worth all that much; it is a symbol of frustration and the very thing that makes you miserable in this world.

When they accept themselves for who they truly are, there is a shock to the system.  That shell isn't even useful anymore.  It protected them up to that point, and now they realize that it *can* be discarded.  But coming out into the world, that apparently hostile and scary place, without armor... the thought can be daunting.  And the first big step (after admitting it to themselves) is often going to a therapist and admitting it to someone else for the first time.  Standing in front of someone, naked, honest, and vulnerable for perhaps the first time in your life.  Of course it is scary!  Some avoid that step until it has become a literal life-or-death matter.  Some only get there after actually attempting to take their own life.  Some never take that step because they were successful in their attempt.

But those who do have the courage to take that step can find themselves on the path toward self-realization, to the fulfillment that can only come with living honestly.  We are, all of us, vulnerable when it comes down to it.  Courage is required to admit that and face it and reveal ourselves to the world.

*hug*  You can do this.  The barriers are, like so many we trans* people face, in our minds.  Taking steps is difficult because we have hidden so successfully for so long we have convinced ourselves we *must* hide... once you have taken the step, you will see it's really not so bad on the other side and you will have an ally to help ease your journey.

You have a lot of allies in this, Robin, here.  Some of them even share your name.

*hug*

[robin s]

Part of my issue is that therapists and I have never gotten along well. I have never allowed people to see the real me( not even me until recently). I always direct the conversation away from things. Inside my head is a scary place at times. I am very good at reading the emotions of others and have used it to hide.

[Robin Mack]

Many of us are, Robin... we have had to become that way, because fitting in with the wrong gender requires constant diligence. 

*hug*

I used to have the same concerns... but I went through two years of therapy after separating (and eventually divorcing) from my (now ex) wife.  It took some time for me to reach a degree of comfort that allowed me to truly tell her anything (even to tell her when she upset me), but eventually I got there.

I knew that therapists are trained to listen, to not make value judgements, and to work to help their patient.  Everything you tell your therapist (at least in the US) is confidential (assuming you are over the age of consent) unless it involves credible plans to harm yourself or others.  But it took some time for me to get comfortable and really internalize that.  And that's OK.

*hug*

The real trick is to take that step and begin the process... you'll get there.  It really does get better! 

[robin s]

49 so definitely over the age of consent

[Robin Mack]

Forty in January here.  It helps, actually, in my experience, to transition later in life.  Gender therapists are more prone to take us seriously, assuming that by now we are wise enough to understand the consequences and who we are.   At the end of my first appointment my therapist agreed that I was transexual and gave me numbers for endocrinologists so I could set up my appointment for three months out (she adheres to the WPATH standards).

I can't even express in words the feeling of peace and elation that came from her professional confirmation of my transition path.

*hug*

[robin s]

Ok so I took the advice and sent an email. Just got a call back while at work and now I have a telephone in take session for tomorrow.

[Phyliciaraine]

Be brave hun. It helps once you talk to them.~hugs~

[Natalia]

I have gathered enough courage to call a therapist and talk to her. After a few weeks I have gathered enough courage to go to a transexual specialized health care center so I could start HRT.

It was not easy, but the worse was when I started to talk to my therapist for the first time. Somehow I could not say in loud voice that I am a transgender...I couldn't say without feeling ashamed that I felt like a girl, that I would like to be a girl and that my life history says so.

I know I am a transgender, but it is something that stays with us, deep inside our brains, buried and not allowed to flourish.

It is really hard to say it...but when you do you feel incredibly good!

You only need to find a therapist that knows about the subject. Mine was great and before talking to her I though I was getting crazy. She told me that being transgender is far more common than I imagined and that I am not crazy. It was all that I needed to listen

[robin s]

I really do want to say thanks for all the support. hugs all the way around. This journey is going to be tough but i know that with the support of my friends and my new family on here i can make it.

[Phyliciaraine]

Good luck today Robin.

[Robin Mack]

I really do want to say thanks for all the support. hugs all the way around. This journey is going to be tough but i know that with the support of my friends and my new family on here i can make it.

You can... many have been on this path before you, and many will come after you.  *hug*  You are not alone, sister.

[robin s]

ok so talked to the therapist. The only therapist within 150 miles that knows how to deal with GID. She was great. Sounds like it won't take long to get a letter for HRT. However there aren't any endo's closer than 200 miles that will do it. Also my insurance doesn't cover any of it. Time for a budget restructure,

[Ashey]

Often, for trans* people, the shell they wear in daily life seems very expendable.  When your soul doesn't fit your body it isn't worth all that much; it is a symbol of frustration and the very thing that makes you miserable in this world.

This is very much how I feel. It's like driving a rental car. I don't care much about it, but if anything bad happens to it, I'd pay for it in the end... And I suppose this is why I was so adamant and clear about my intentions when I was seeing my therapist. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose. Two months into HRT, I still feel that way. No turning back for me.

Grats on taking the first steps Robin. You'll face bumps in the road (like the finances and whatnot) but it's nothing that can't be overcome one way or another if you're driven and focused on your goals.

[Phyliciaraine]

Great job Robin