how early in life did you know that something was wrong or different

[stephaniec]

I started cross-dressing at 7, which I must have instinctively known as "different" because I kept it well hidden. Interestingly, I didn't consciously become aware of the nature of my difference until adulthood. How strange.

same here

[Emo]

@stephaniec and Mia
Yeah. How do I go about doing this? Are there online therapists? And how much?

@mia
BFF?

[stephaniec]

@stephaniec and Mia
Yeah. How do I go about doing this? Are there online therapists? And how much?

@mia
BFF?

To start I don't know what city or country you live in ,but a good start if you live near a lgbt community center they can help in finding some one. I know nothing of online therapy. A hospital is a good place too to get directions. I don't Know about costs if you don't have insurance. I get therapy through a hospital that gives me financial assistance. My therapy luckily is free because I'm treated on a charity basis.

[Emo]

@stephaniec
I'm in the US.
I might have to do more research. Lol
I'm doing a lot of that lately.

[stephaniec]

@stephaniec
I'm in the US.
I might have to do more research. Lol
I'm doing a lot of that lately.

some one will probably have suggestions there is a lot of transitioners around here

[Tori]

@stephaniec
I'm in the US.
I might have to do more research. Lol
I'm doing a lot of that lately.

Research, and more research.

Get suggestions from LBGT advocates in your community, then go online and research the people who have been suggested. Call those that interest you.

Do you have insurance? Most plans in the US do not cover trans issues. But, if say, you needed therapy because of severe depression, and being trans was one of the reasons for the depression, or substance abuse... your shrink would be paid by your policy. Most psychologists take most insurance plans.

You can get therapy online as well and prices vary.

Also, remember therapy is no longer a requirement for HRT. It is an independant treatment for those who desire it. A therapist can't tell you if you are or aren't trans or if you should or shouldn't transition.

[Stella Stanhope]

Amazing, soooooo may different epiphanies and timescales!

I still don't 100% what my realisations mean over the years, been a verry sloooooooow process of discovering some anomalies with my identity that other boys didn't have, then assuming there was an external influence to these inclinations, before looking inward and exploring the feelings that appear to be very much coming from within. Ultimately, its been one big exercise in personal fault-testing. And I now appear to be confronted by a whole panel of flashing warning lights and waling sirens informing me that my male identity appears to about to self-destruct after decades of being corroded away by a more powerful identity within that I still can't explain or understand.

Age 10 - became convinced I was a woman in a pastlife as I felt an affinity to femininity (possible musical band name, that) but could not explain why I felt I had been one.
Age 13 - Had a dream that I looked female and felt feminine. Woke up feeling a strange sense of energised melancholy and wistfulness. This has continued.
Age 14 - Started crossdressing in private. Became interested in dating girls like a hetero teenage boy, but simultaneously needed to dress up & feel pretty to get turned on.
Age 20 - Became self-aware and realised that  how I wanted to dress was feminine and that I always imagined I was female singers or actresses in my daydreams. 
Age 23 - After a major purge of clothes and feminine attitudes, a massive urge to dress-up came back with such a force, that I had to explore it to find out why.
Age 25 - Tried visiting mediums to find out if I had a female pastlife or were being haunted by female spirits. No answers from those avenues.
Age 25 - began dressing up and exploring my inclinations, and since then, there's been a conscious and un-conscious slide towards a female identity, for better or worse.
Age 27 - Beginning of current journey.

Lots of other milestones and realisations, since 27 though its been an amazing, refreshing, enlightening journey, yet also a massive pain in the ass & a scary experience.   

[stephaniec]

Amazing, soooooo may different epiphanies and timescales!

I still don't 100% what my realisations mean over the years, been a verry sloooooooow process of discovering some anomalies with my identity that other boys didn't have, then assuming there was an external influence to these inclinations, before looking inward and exploring the feelings that appear to be very much coming from within. Ultimately, its been one big exercise in personal fault-testing. And I now appear to be confronted by a whole panel of flashing warning lights and waling sirens informing me that my male identity appears to about to self-destruct after decades of being corroded away by a more powerful identity within that I still can't explain or understand.

Age 10 - became convinced I was a woman in a pastlife as I felt an affinity to femininity (possible musical band name, that) but could not explain why I felt I had been one.
Age 13 - Had a dream that I looked female and felt feminine. Woke up feeling a strange sense of energised melancholy and wistfulness. This has continued.
Age 14 - Started crossdressing in private. Became interested in dating girls like a hetero teenage boy, but simultaneously needed to dress up & feel pretty to get turned on.
Age 20 - Became self-aware and realised that  how I wanted to dress was feminine and that I always imagined I was female singers or actresses in my daydreams. 
Age 23 - After a major purge of clothes and feminine attitudes, a massive urge to dress-up came back with such a force, that I had to explore it to find out why.
Age 25 - Tried visiting mediums to find out if I had a female pastlife or were being haunted by female spirits. No answers from those avenues.
Age 25 - began dressing up and exploring my inclinations, and since then, there's been a conscious and un-conscious slide towards a female identity, for better or worse.
Age 27 - Beginning of current journey.

Lots of other milestones and realisations, since 27 though its been an amazing, refreshing, enlightening journey, yet also a massive pain in the ass & a scary experience.   

that purging came at me a lot but kept coming back. mow I'm transitioning and never going back.

[Emo]

Research, and more research.

Get suggestions from LBGT advocates in your community, then go online and research the people who have been suggested. Call those that interest you.

Do you have insurance? Most plans in the US do not cover trans issues. But, if say, you needed therapy because of severe depression, and being trans was one of the reasons for the depression, or substance abuse... your shrink would be paid by your policy. Most psychologists take most insurance plans.

You can get therapy online as well and prices vary.

Also, remember therapy is no longer a requirement for HRT. It is an independant treatment for those who desire it. A therapist can't tell you if you are or aren't trans or if you should or shouldn't transition.

Holy shnaps it's not a requirement anymore?
Can you link me for US procedure for getting hrt then?

[Tori]

I do not have a link and my time is limited.

I can tell you that it is now legal for doctors to provide what is known as informed consent. This is basically a process of seeing a doctor, explaining to them that in no uncertain terms you are trans, and while you are open to more information, you know enough to be willing to consent to HRT. Most docs that practice IC have forms ready for you to sign. They will talk you through the potential effects and side effects of HRT, and after covering their legal bases, have you sign the contract. This protects them from malpractice lawsuits if some day you turn up and say to them, "Hey! I grew boobs you jerk!"

The next step is a blood test, and pending the results, which can take a few days or more, HRT.

Doctors that provide informed consent tend to know their stuff when it comes to HRT. Otherwise they would be unwilling to provide such treatment.

If you live near a metro area, chances are there is someone who can help you.

Like I said, psychological treatment is independent of HRT nowadays, but it is good to explore. Not everybody needs it. But it does not hurt to have someone to talk about things, even the TMI stuff you may not share with friends, family or a SO.

Good luck, welcome to Susan's. Feel free to start a new thread about you and your questions, and feel free to send me a PM.

Aloha
Tori

[Emo]

Oh ok. Thank you so much for the help.
I'm definitely going to a doc now that I know this.

[Tori]

I was out the door to go to the store. In hindsight, I had time to find you a link. Sorry. Now you know the term, "Informed consent". Google it or look for it on the wiki here.

Cross reference with where you live, or contact a LBGT center near you, they will either be able to point you in that direction or let you know of a nearby trans group that certainly could.

[noleen111]

I remember at the age of 6 looking at pictures of little girls, and wondering what it was like to be that little girl or what it was like to wear a pretty dress.

At the age of 14, I starting wearing my mothers pantyhose in secret when no one was around. I remember getting home from school, I had the house to myself for about am hour. I would put on pantyhose and pounce again the house. Got caught once and was given a lecture by my mother that boys don't wear pantyhose. That stopped me for a while. I tried to be a normal boy and did boy things. I was "normal" on the outside, but inside I wanted to wear pantyhose again. at 16 I did wear them again, this time a pair of white cotton panties was added to the mix. This time I bought my own pantyhose and later the panties. I wanted to wear more, but was afraid I would get caught and laughed at.

At the age of 19 I expanded my wear to include an old cheer leader skirt and got caught again, but this time by my future best friend, who was a girl. She did not judge me and she accepted me. We chatted about it and she did not mind me wearing my outfit and  when we studied together. She use to work in a second hand clothing store, and about two months later she got me my first dress. I was a blue winter dress. 2 days later with her help I dressed fully for the first time. That day I shaved my legs for the first time, wore a bra and high heels for the first time. I also wore nail polish and makeup for the first time too that day. The rest was history... With her support I started seeing a therapist, which lead to HRT at 21.. now 3 years later.. I am getting my vagina installed next month. She has already told me, she will be there when I wake up from operation.  I am now gonna be that girl I imagined at the age of 6.

I owe everything to my best friend, who now is also my roommate. She showed me how to be a woman.  She says to me at times when I do something really girly e.g. when I wanna go shoe shopping or see a nice dress.. wow noleen you are such a girl. I feel so warm inside when she says it.

[Emo]

@noleen
"im getting my vagina installed next month."
i love this line. made me lol.
i need a reason to say this out in public. :p

i hope i find a friend like yours.
youre so lucky to have found her so soon in transition.

[MiaOhMya!]

EMO You will need to find an endo in your area who works with transsexuals...wanna PM me your town and i will help you look for one?

Hormones completely changed my life, and it's certainly the best place to start if you want to find out if transition is for you.

[stephaniec]

I remember at the age of 6 looking at pictures of little girls, and wondering what it was like to be that little girl or what it was like to wear a pretty dress.

At the age of 14, I starting wearing my mothers pantyhose in secret when no one was around. I remember getting home from school, I had the house to myself for about am hour. I would put on pantyhose and pounce again the house. Got caught once and was given a lecture by my mother that boys don't wear pantyhose. That stopped me for a while. I tried to be a normal boy and did boy things. I was "normal" on the outside, but inside I wanted to wear pantyhose again. at 16 I did wear them again, this time a pair of white cotton panties was added to the mix. This time I bought my own pantyhose and later the panties. I wanted to wear more, but was afraid I would get caught and laughed at.

At the age of 19 I expanded my wear to include an old cheer leader skirt and got caught again, but this time by my future best friend, who was a girl. She did not judge me and she accepted me. We chatted about it and she did not mind me wearing my outfit and  when we studied together. She use to work in a second hand clothing store, and about two months later she got me my first dress. I was a blue winter dress. 2 days later with her help I dressed fully for the first time. That day I shaved my legs for the first time, wore a bra and high heels for the first time. I also wore nail polish and makeup for the first time too that day. The rest was history... With her support I started seeing a therapist, which lead to HRT at 21.. now 3 years later.. I am getting my vagina installed next month. She has already told me, she will be there when I wake up from operation.  I am now gonna be that girl I imagined at the age of 6.

I owe everything to my best friend, who now is also my roommate. She showed me how to be a woman.  She says to me at times when I do something really girly e.g. when I wanna go shoe shopping or see a nice dress.. wow noleen you are such a girl. I feel so warm inside when she says it.

your so lucky to have a friend like that. Yea panty hose were great I kept taking my sisters

[Kaitlin4475]

Although there were a few hints when I was younger, I knew exactly who I was at the age of 11. Puberty was hell, many tearful nights praying to God to make me wake up as a girl. I was pretty a quiet kid and spent the majority of my young life day dreaming in my room. Many years of denial and purges later, I was a bitter person who bottled up all feeling. I eventually turned to drugs and cherished the escape they brought me. But slowly the veil was lifted off of my eyes, flaky drug friends really didn't care about me, the high and the closeness that the drugs brought me turned out to be a lie, I was spiraling out of control. Found my rock bottom when I had my car stolen at a party, walked home over 8 miles. Passed out when I got home and in the morning I was confronted by my grandmother about my missing car. A verbal fight ensued with my grandma finishing it off with a calm, "you need help," and walking out of the room. I'll never forget what I saw in the mirror right after. I looked so messed up, my eyes were quite scary black, and I looked angry just like my father, I felt like a monster. That was it for me, I got back on my feet, joined the air force and I haven't looked back. My life isn't all beer and skittles yet but I have this amazing wife that is so wonderful and supportive, and hopefully I will be starting HRT soon. In the words of Borat, "great success"

[stephaniec]

Although there were a few hints when I was younger, I knew exactly who I was at the age of 11. Puberty was hell, many tearful nights praying to God to make me wake up as a girl. I was pretty a quiet kid and spent the majority of my young life day dreaming in my room. Many years of denial and purges later, I was a bitter person who bottled up all feeling. I eventually turned to drugs and cherished the escape they brought me. But slowly the veil was lifted off of my eyes, flaky drug friends really didn't care about me, the high and the closeness that the drugs brought me turned out to be a lie, I was spiraling out of control. Found my rock bottom when I had my car stolen at a party, walked home over 8 miles. Passed out when I got home and in the morning I was confronted by my grandmother about my missing car. A verbal fight ensued with my grandma finishing it off with a calm, "you need help," and walking out of the room. I'll never forget what I saw in the mirror right after. I looked so messed up, my eyes were quite scary black, and I looked angry just like my father, I felt like a monster. That was it for me, I got back on my feet, joined the air force and I haven't looked back. My life isn't all beer and skittles yet but I have this amazing wife that is so wonderful and supportive, and hopefully I will be starting HRT soon. In the words of Borat, "great success"

feels good to be back on your feet

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Ive always been very sensitive and feminine! but i didnt realise that i was a transexual until i was about 20 years oold.

I always felt so ugly as a boy, and would dream of being a girl, and was so jealous of other girls. When i was younger i used to dream of a machine that would turn me into a girl!!!
I always have cross dressed, but i though of it as something i could never tell anyone, and just thought i was a transvestite or something.

Uni was when i started to fully come to terms with being a transexual, i never fitted in with the boys on my course and lived in a house of girls. I knew i wasn't gay, but didn't want to "be with" girls. i just wanted to be one of the girls, I was so confused.

I think coming to terms with who i am, and coming out to myself took a lot of time, as i was always aware of other people, and really tried so hard to fit in and feel good about myself.

Since coming out to myself however, things have moved very quickly, i now live as a woman outside of work, have come out to a number of friends, and am looking to start on hormones sometime next year.

So pretty much, i've known that i was different from a very young age, but didn't actually come to terms with being a transexual until i was about 20!!

xx

[stephaniec]

Ive always been very sensitive and feminine! but i didnt realise that i was a transexual until i was about 20 years oold.

I always felt so ugly as a boy, and would dream of being a girl, and was so jealous of other girls. When i was younger i used to dream of a machine that would turn me into a girl!!!
I always have cross dressed, but i though of it as something i could never tell anyone, and just thought i was a transvestite or something.

Uni was when i started to fully come to terms with being a transexual, i never fitted in with the boys on my course and lived in a house of girls. I knew i wasn't gay, but didn't want to "be with" girls. i just wanted to be one of the girls, I was so confused.

I think coming to terms with who i am, and coming out to myself took a lot of time, as i was always aware of other people, and really tried so hard to fit in and feel good about myself.

Since coming out to myself however, things have moved very quickly, i now live as a woman outside of work, have come out to a number of friends, and am looking to start on hormones sometime next year.

So pretty much, i've known that i was different from a very young age, but didn't actually come to terms with being a transexual until i was about 20!!

xx

I had the same experience It just took me longer to come to terms with it.