Quote from: Rachael on July 10, 2007, 04:28:11 PM
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Elizabeth: If you find passing as female is lieing to people, then maybe you arnt a woman if thats how you feel? (emphasis on maybe)
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I have never said that passing is lying to people.
Quote from: Elizabeth
I guess it's that I would not want to be a part of an "inner circle" that would marginalize someone because they are TS. If I were, I would have to first, fool them into thinking I was one of them, then I would have to marginalize those who were like me, to stay in the "inner circle".
I was referring to an "inner circle" of women who supposedly don't accept transwomen. If one were to stealth their way into such a group, one would also have to adopt this view that transwomen are unacceptable or at least not object to it. So if one is a transwoman and belongs to an "inner circle" of women who denigrate transwomen, would be a lie.
You know, you are really trying your hardest to make this personal because I don't agree with your point of view. I refuse to go along with this whole idea that one can only be happy if they are passable and if you are unhappy it's only because you are not passable enough. I believe that is a bad strategy. Does this mean one should do nothing to pass? It depends on the person. There are plenty of GG's who make no effort to come off as women, in fact many look very boyish/manish. Perhaps those who are not that passable are going for a more manish look. The point being, once one has transitioned to the extent they feel comfortable, all they need to do is accept themselves. If one does not care what others think, then one does not rely on them for their self esteem. You are having a real problem getting this. Not everyone places their own self worth in the judgements of others. So what if someone clocks you? Who are they? How does it change your life?
I am not embarrassed of who I am. I am not embarrassed that I was born into a man's body. You keep trying to say that must mean I am not transsexual. You speak for me, but you don't know how I feel. You are imposing your feelings onto me. Whether or not I pass is not an issue for me because the judgements of others don't change how I feel. Why would I want to give others that kind of control over me? Why would I allow myself to feel bad just because someone notices I am not a natal female? That implies I am a bad person for not passing well enough. And according to you, that should be a signal to me that I need to work harder to pass. To me that is insane thinking. How can I ever find happiness if I give up control over how I feel, to people I don't even know?
I like who I see in the mirror. So it don't matter if anyone snickers at me, or points or makes comments. It doesn't change anything. It don't change how I feel about myself or my gender Identity. It's not going to make me start dressing like a man and the only other choice is to feel bad about myself. I don't understand why this point is lost on you. The point of all of this is simple to me. It's to be happy. Not to make others happy, to make me happy. I am not interested in pretense and trying to be something for someone else. I don't want to "act" like a woman. I can just be me, because I believe I already am a woman, I just have the wrong body.
Now I know there are natal females as well as males that spend their whole lives making sure they live up to society's expectations. Make sure they have the right label on their clothes, the right make of car, white carpet and stainless steel appliances all that other superficial crap. I have been around long enough to know that stuff won't make me happy. I don't care if my neighbor mows his lawn diagonally because that is "in vogue". I am not interested in any way to try to achieve happiness by doing what others think I should.
Like I said, if the judgments of others are important to you, then passing will be important to you. That is not to say that everyone passing finds the judgments of others important, as you imply I have said. If passing is important to one's own self image, than it's necessary for happiness. But we have to be realistic. Not everyone is going to be passable, for a whole host of reasons, not all of which are resolvable.
What of those people? Are they doomed to unhappiness because they can not achieve 100% passability? To listen you, one would think so. Your one size fits all solution, work harder on passing, is not going to work for many. It is for not only these people I speak, but especially them. One can have a happy life as a transsexual, without passing. But to do this, one has to accept and love themselves and be willing to ignore the judgments of others.
I will go a step further and say that, once a person has learned to love and accept themselves, passing will become less important to them, regardless of their passability. And I have listened to enough post op transsexuals to know this is true. Many become far less conscious of their passability and accept they are women. This comfort in themselves affects how they dress, use makeup, and carry themselves in public.
So in the future, if you are going to say what I think and feel, please use a quote from my posts.
Love always,
Elizabeth
