I have never had a boyfriend, girlfriend or any kind of romantic relationship. I had my first kiss only a few months ago, with 27 years old and with a guy I really didn't feel nothing =(
I just couldn't have a relationship when I was living as a boy. It was impossible for me to even think of being with someone as a boy.
But now that I am living full time, I decided to give it a try and I met a young guy (19 years old) on facebook. He knows I am trans and he doesn't care (he didn't figured it out by himself yay =) ). He told me he had a romantic relationship with a transwoman before, that he loved her but she was the one who decided to end it...and that he felt very bad because of it.
Ok, he also looks like a good guy. I told him I am kind of a beginner with relationships and that I never had a boyfriend before.
He said he wants to change that and give me a lot of kisses...
But now here comes my dysphoria...
I still don't like my body. Not that I think I am too masculine, but I am chubby, have very small boobs. I fear that I may be a disappointment for him...I am not beautiful and I definitely don't have a sexy body...
I want to have a serious relationship and I fear that he may be only after sex (a lot of men are only after sex) =P I don't know if I can trust him.
And if he wants sex...
I want to have sex, but I don't want to have sex. =P is this logical?
I want, but I just feel so dysphoric with my body and with my genitals that I don't know if I would have a good experience. Will he think I am too fat? Will he want me to use my genitals? I can't!
But I would love to try...I am not an angel...
Oh god. He was already inviting himself to come at my home...but then I freeze and don't know what to answer...
Is it too soon? What should I do? I want to meet him and go to a restaurant to know him better...should I be the one to invite him? Will it make me look too easy?
=P
