Kabit's "Hopping with Angst"

[KabitTarah]

removing all personal / family related posts

[suzifrommd]

I told my brother, my biggest family supporter, about coming out to my managers. He instantly got closed mouthed.

I have some friends from before transition who become obviously uncomfortable when anything having to do with my gender came up. I tried staying friends with them, but ultimately we all ended up drifting apart. My gender is a part of me. If you can't deal with it, you really can't deal with me.

Family is different, I suppose, but you might find you'll come to a point where you need to tell them that if they can't accept this important part of you, the result will be distance between you and them.

Please accept a hug from me, Tarah. I know how frustrating the fight for acceptance gets.

[Ms Grace]

That's a bummer, especially when they seemed supportive to begin with. Have they seen you in female mode yet or are you still presenting to them as male-ish. If so it could be they are having trouble conceptualising you as the opposite gender. I know I copped resistance from some friends the first time I tried this...until I started going out en femme. Until they see proof then it may seem to be a bit of a "crazy idea" that they might not want to encourage. Just a thought.

It could be any other number of things of course, but it sounds like maybe they're uncomfortable talking about it because they don't understand what being trans* really means for you, and that they're maybe even a bit afraid of what transition holds for you and them.

Personally I'd suggest you just grab the bull by the horns, don't try to second guess what they're thinking by their behaviour, just say "I feel like you're uncomfortable about my gender issues and my desire and intention to transition, is that the case? Is there anything we can talk about that will help ease your concerns?" They sound like reasonable people and hopefully they'll be more open - don't expect to hear things that you'll like or that will make much sense - but it might make things a bit clearer in the end. Just stay as calm as you can manage.

Good luck whatever you decide to do! 

[JoanneB]

I had the strong suspicion that you weren't presenting as female around them. Then shortly later you confirmed you weren't at the time.

I suspect it is getting way too real for them now. Like "He's F'in serious!" real.... Now what? I don't know if I can handle it."

[Ms Grace]

The other thing is that (for many of us) we have at least a counsellor or a shrink to talk to about this stuff. Family members and friends often don't, they have to deal with themselves, often by talking to other people who don't know the first thing about trans gender issues (or worse, are full of misconceptions).

[JoanneB]

This time it's about insurance.
I don't like to do things that are unethical or illegal. The problem is when being ethical overlaps a little with being illegal. It makes it even more difficult because I'm talking about me... not others... so I have conflict of interest.

All insurance plans available to me, including the one I'm currently in, have exclusions for "medications, services, treatments" for "gender transformations." Obviously I can't go get GRS paid for. Nor should I... there are lots of exclusions for medically necessary surgeries and these surgeries don't have direct equivalent surgeries permitted for cisgender people. That's the insurance company's ethical dilemma, not mine.

But HRT and the resultant blood work is sticky. HRT is permitted for cisgender people with imbalances (PCOS, etc). Blood work for those undergoing HRT is permitted. I understand my endo, as will most endos, code HRT and BW as a hormonal imbalance. Ethically I agree with this, so this is my statement:

All of that is true. I am not seeking this therapy specifically for the purpose of gender change. I have resigned myself to and become accepting of the resultant feminization and gender change this treatment brings. In fact, it's taken me at least 20 years to accept this fact. That's 20 years of pain with a valid treatment that has significant side effects and is clearly covered under my plan, despite the exclusions that exist.

♥

In my last job this was very problematic since I was working for a prime military contractor and...... Fortunately, it turned out that my sessions were coded for depression. In my current job make in civilian life I have access to a for real gender therapist. WHen I asked her, just out of curiosity not that I really cared, she said Anxiety.

After all what TG does not have anxiety, or depression?

[Miss_Bungle1991]

I'm going to bookmark this and make it a place for me to vent. I don't want to take up all the Arghhhspace.

And, aside from PMSing (or whatever this is), this is why I'm doing it... what pisses me off about my family and my situation? I have some very good support in my family, as long as I don't talk about any trans* issues. I mean none whatsoever. If my recent personal experience has anything to do with being transgender, they don't want to hear it. Do you know how much in my life right now doesn't have something to do with my impending transition? I daren't even tell any of them that I got some really nice purple ink recently - which is something my father might enjoy hearing about.

I told my brother, my biggest family supporter, about coming out to my managers. He instantly got closed mouthed. I told my parents that it went well and I got short answers and they kind of ran away. This is me. I did something incredibly dangerous and very high anxiety and came out better for it... and my family isn't just uninterested ~ they're scared to even listen to it. To contrast it, I told my sister in law when I was picking up my kids from her house. Not only did she act interested and supportive (whether or not she likes or agrees with it), but we also talked until we were both starting to run late for our next tasks.

Am I that hard to accept 3-5 months after telling my family? Is it so painful for those NOT going through the most difficult time in their life that they cannot support the person who is? I understand it's hard for them, too... but guess who it's harder on?

I don't have anxiety over my transition, but it is something I think about often (with good reason I suppose... I'm less than a week away from HRT, hopefully).

And for whoever got past all that... a "present" ~ (deals good only for a few days and while they last ~ didn't find anything I really wanted... not much for fluttershy).

Well, I went through this with my family years ago so I can certainly relate to this. They all told me the same thing. I told them I was going to talk about what I damn well felt like and if they didn't like it that was too damn bad. Yeah, it caused some problems at first but they KNOW how stubborn I am and I don't just shrink away anymore when someone tells me to. Hell no. It took quite awhile for them to grow up and get a clue but they got it in the end, simply because I wasn't going to shut my mouth about this.

It wasn't really so much that I was rubbing my transition in their face, really. Anyone that says that I did that is a fool. I did it simply because if something is going in my life and it makes me happy, I choose to talk about it. No matter if it is Music, Noise, my transition, fanfics that I am writing or the Get Along Gang.

[Antonia J]

I'm sorry you're going through this with your wife. This time of year is especially tough for those issues. I think those of us who transition after marriage have a uniquely difficult path. My sympathies and wishes for strength as you work through the challenges you both are facing.

Toni

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Well, it's been my experience that lab times tend to vary depending on where it is done. Some places took 4 or 5 days and others took two weeks.

[KabitTarah]

My lab has been pretty quick. I get the results 2 days after the doctor is sent them (no idea why the 2 business day wait)... so I'll probably have them late next week or early the week after. . . with luck.

[Megumi]

I had the strong suspicion that you weren't presenting as female around them. Then shortly later you confirmed you weren't at the time.

I suspect it is getting way too real for them now. Like "He's F'in serious!" real.... Now what? I don't know if I can handle it."

This is exactly what I'm going through right now. I'm entering into the excrement is getting real phase where I'm getting out of the I'm trying to keep everyone happy but constantly hurting myself to the I just have to be who I am and see where the cards fall.

[LordKAT]

I'm just not that into self doubt... but let's call this fear. Fear of the future. Fear of others' experiences being like my own. Fear of things like this article (which is just how I want to live, but not how I want to be seen). I am having a tough time hearing and responding to others' stories right now. I want everything to go smoothly, and so far I've been very lucky. I know I'm in for some difficult times, possibly the loss of some family members, and many charged situations.

I'm strong and I will face my future, but I am somewhat afraid of it and for it right now.

♥

Believe in something and it will happen. Fear is negative belief. Start believing positive. If one person leaves your life, it often means it is time for someone else to enter. If one door closes, often 2 more open up. Huggles dear Kabit, and have some faith in your power to be true to yourself.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Yeah, sometimes things don't turn out to be as bad as you imagine. I remember thinking that I was going to disowned by everyone but that never happened. Yeah, there were some "growing pains" for a while but eventually, it all worked out in the end. People need time to come to terms with it all and some just take longer than others. But I'm only going on my experiences.

[LordKAT]

Hey Kabit, sometimes you have to be a little selfish. Sympathize but don't empathize with your detractors. It is time to so what is best for you, all that love you will still love you.

[KabitTarah]

Thanks KAT!

According to some I have a strong sense of selfish right now lol