More Questions About Bigender

[Mia and Marq]

This is a set of questions that Buffy sent us and our responses to them. Feel free to ask any others you might come up with. We're happy to clarify.

Do you have a Male or Female body (or a combination of both?)

Male body, and all though we're moving towards a pretty boy body, its unlikely we would ever get any kind of major surgery to change further

Are Androgynes predominately Female (with a joint Male persona) or Male (with a joint Female Persona)?

Most androgynes don't exhibit male or female personas, they usually just have some sort of combination that either is constant or fluid or no gender. Bigender androgynes are less common and as far as I've seen, there's no real data to support it occurring more in one sex. As far as which persona is the main one, in theory they should be equal  but more often then not the one that matches the physical sex gets more emphasis.

Are there many Androgynes who also are medically intersexed or have chromosome irregularity?

I don't want to speak in fact per say because I don't have any statistics to back it up but I'm sure  since sex doesn't have any connection to gender that both cases can be androgynes.

Do you exist in harmony with each persona or does one persona dominate the other?

We would like to think we live with a perfect harmony of both,. Just so we don't try to walk in different directions or anything funny like that, when neither's skills are specifically needed, Marq does all the physical stuff like walking and driving

Do you respond to people who are strangers in your physical gender (i.e. Male of Female) or does Marq respond better to guys, Mia to women (or vice versa)

I think that second one is more applicable. When I first meet someone new, I try to interact with them using Mia or Marq based on my initial personality perceptions and make adjustments as needed.

How do you decide what clothes to wear (or does Mia always win!) and why?

We have separated the day into two chunks of time. There's the main day/work chunk and the at home/night life chunk. Knowing fewer questions get asked, Marq for the most part(no exclusively) chooses attire for the main day and Mia for the home/night. They of course could choose to make the other happy  and pick something the other likes to wear which happens from time to time. This arrangement suits us both pretty well and when and if it stops doing so, we'll reevaluate then.

Do the two persona's have preferred hobbies (and does one do what the other does not like?)

Yes they each have hobbies and activities that they like to do that the other one doesn't like to do. As long as we don't favor one side over the other too long, we don't have any problems.

What are your perceived benefits of being Androgyneric?

In general, most androgynes agree that the best benefit we feel is that we can just act like ourselves without feeling like we're stepping outside of our gender. Specifically in my case though I get to interact with everyone on a level they feel comfortable with and so I'm very likeable. Also I understand just about everyone because I can relate to his or her situation to some degree.

What are your perceived drawbacks of being Androgyneric?

The concept is extremely hard for people to understand that have only known the polar gender system. Its hard to describe the feeling without using a lot of even more confusing terminology. People are raised a lot of the time to put a lot of faith in the difference between guys and girls, and sometimes it takes a long time for those definitions to broaden.

How do you ensure that both Marq and Mia have a balance in fairness in expression?

Both have equal control of what they say. Each knows that situations they are best suited to handle. If one ever felt like they were not given enough ability to express themselves, they would remedy the situation at the first available opportunity. Back before Mia had a real opportunity to express herself through social situations she made her presence felt in more subtle ways that eventually got noticed.

How do you think your colleagues, parents view you (as Marq, Mia or both?)

I think most people probably default to Marq if only because of the physical appearance swaying their views. Eventually though the longer you stick around me though, the more likely you are to view Mia in some situations and Marq in the others. Those that aren't aware of Mia probably would less likely view her but still some have noticed a little.

How does having Physically (a male or female body) seem to the other persona and is this an issue?

Not as big an issue as would be imagined. If I was physically female, Marq would be in the same situation as Mia but in the end the physical body is only important in that it holds us within.

Do both Marq and Mia like to read the same material, or do they each have their own preferences?

I haven't really identified much difference in what sort of reading material each likes as I don't read particularly much in the way of books or anything. I read things online that interests me that covers a number of different topics and haven't given much thought to which one actually enjoys that topic.

In terms of sexuality, do both Marq and Mia have any preference in partners?

As far as preference in partners goes, we take the stance that personality is first and foremost the most important trait we consider. We fall in love with the person, not their body and it wouldn't matter whether they were male or female on the outside, and it's the person inside that we love. That having been said, females in general are easier to like for both Mia and Marq though conceivably we could have gone either way.

Is there anything that Marq and Mia disagree on and how are those internal conflicts resolved?

There are a couple things that they don't agree upon entirely. Generally conflicts are resolved by debating the issue. Usually some sort of compromise can be reached quickly enough. The key is to never let any conflicts get any bigger then small.

Given the choice, if you where forced to choose a Gender, which one would it be?

Well as a collective I could never answer this question and separately the answer is obvious.

Growing up as a Child, when did you first realize that you did not fit societies view of Gender?

From my earliest memories I can remember feeling different which manifested itself as cross dressing way back in the day but the concept of not fitting society's views didn't really occur to me till I was more capable of observing others.

Do Marq and Mia like the same or different music?

They like different things in music. In some cases what they like actually can be found in the same song in which case they both like that song and songs like that are pretty much our favorites. Mia looks for a lot of feeling or emotion in the song like Come what may. Marq looks for a lot of energy in the song like music by Another Postcard/Chimpanzee.

Final question: If society found a "cure" for Gender issues (i.e. cure Transsexuality), would you wish to be "cured" or prefer to stay as the person you are?

No question about it, no doubt in our minds, give up each other ever? Never! Absolute love for each other is not something you can walk away from, and at this point our dependence on each other is not something we could recover from either.


Thank you Buffy for those excellent questions. You say you've got a whole list more of them. Lets see what you got.

-Mia and Marq

[Pica Pica]

Always found it fascinating, very 'foreign'. Interesting.

[Buffy]

Mia and Marq

Many thanks for taking the time and trouble to respond to my questions.

Unfortunately, like most people I had a very stereotypical view of gender boundries (Male, Female). It is only sinceI have been on these forums (nearly a year now) that I have realised how diverse the gender spectrum really is. The one thing in life is that we never stop learning and I hope that other people will gain benefit & understanding from the answers you have provided.

I now have a new understanding and deep admiration for everyone who identifies as Androgyne.

I do have many more questions, so be prepared!

Buffy

[Kendall]

Very interesting Q and A. You both answered them in a organized honest manner.

And it would be interesting to see other bigender answers as well. To compare to each other and create more dialogue between each other in this and other one's M&M has posted

Look forward to the next list.

KK.

[shawnael]

And it would be interesting to see other bigender answers as well. To compare to each other and create more dialogue between each other in this and other one's M&M has posted

You mean we should answer them too?

[Kendall]

Sure, I am sure both Marq and Mia would enjoy reading posts as well as the others, especially from other bigendered persons. I am all for lots more bigender posts. It will help you that are bigender get some more posts up.

KK

[Mia and Marq]

I want to say that in no way do I assume my answers to the questions I get are the only possible answers. As a matter of fact as Ken/Kendra was saying, I think we would all benefit from more bigender responses to these questions. The concept is very alien to many and the more we can offer them to understand the better.

Marq and Mia
Two tickets please on the ride of a lifetime

Posted on: July 13, 2007, 04:11:57 PMThis next set of questions was recieved from Nero. Thank you for submitting them. We again enjoy answering them.

Are you two similar to fraternal twins? Or even conjoined twins?

The sort of situation that we find ourselves in certainly seems fantastic to many and I've considered the situation could have been brought about by some sort of twin situation. It's mostly speculation though. It is concievable that another form of twins could exist where the only thing to split is the conciousness.

Marq, When did you first become aware of Mia?

As far as when I first said "Hey how long have you been hiding there?", that was actually back in October. As far as we've felt something was wrong, since our earliest memories. No one teaches you the reason you find yourself doing things strange for a boy is because you might not be alone inside, so it took some time to conclude what was amiss. And from her perspective, she was never told "hey maybe you're sharing a male body with a guy" either.

Mia, How did you show yourself to Marq, and how did you convince him of your existence?

What a lovely question! I was the first to figure out I was in a body that didn't match me and I was vaguely aware of Marq as well. The task at hand was how to get him to notice me. You can't just say "Hey I'm a girl and I'm not you and I'm in here with you" or he'll think it was his thought. Besides act in a way that was obviously not his way of doing things, the only other thing I could do is have us "crossdress" occasionally with the hope one day he would ask "Why do I do this, I don't even like doing this but I keep doing it" which led to him saying "Hmm", some research, some soul searching and then the inevitable "Hey how long have you been hiding there?"

Have you always accepted each other and worked in harmony together, or did you fight like siblings?

We don't really fight like siblings because that sort of conflict would wreck havoc on our interaction with the world. We've tried to stay in harmony, considering both of our concerns and interests as much as possible. Before we really figured out what was going on, we pretty much just took turns doing what we wanted and even now that still seems to work.

What was it like growing up bigender?

Besides the obvious sudden change in desire to do things that would make it appear as if I had a short attention span, I had the ability to interact with everyone on a level they were comfortable with. It is almost on autopilot so to say even know though I'm more aware of it happening. Marq and Mia take turns using their skills in any situation where their specific skills are needed. Having that sort of ability to adapt to a situation made my childhood for the most part an awesome experience.

Did you two go through a similar process as transsexuals do - denial, realization, acceptance, coming out?
Were you born this way - as two separate people, or did one of you evolve out of necessity? I remember you explaining the difference between bigender and multiple personality disorder, but I'm wondering if the evolvement is similar - other personas arise if there's a need for them, etc.

I can't say there was any specific situation in my life that would have suddenly or gradually required a second persona to arise. My childhood was very happy and I started to feel the abnormalities to my situation from a very early age. When you're young though, you don't really know whats going on yet.

Marq, Do you feel more comfortable in the vessel you share than Mia does? Because the vessel you share is male?

Yes probably because without trying I look like a guy where I think Mia has to constantly keep on me just to maintain the body. I hate to admit it but I don't put much emphasis on taking care of myself which is bad because she has to deal with my neglect. I won't deny I've got things easier then her because when people look upon us, they usually only see me, where she is fighting the uphill battle.

Mia, Do you feel gender dysphoria like transsexuals for being in a male body?

Surprisingly no. Being a female is much more then looking like a female. As far as appearances go, I just want to look good and wear clothes that make me feel good. Both of which can be done with a male body. As long as the body is well maintained, as far as guys go, we can look good. Of course I'm doing everything I can to make us more androgynous. An clothes, if you get the right size, can fit (though not always as well) on a male. Would I ever push to get us a female body, no. All that would do is waste money and be painful just to alienate Marq. I can work with what we have, its more important to me to just be recognized in actions then in appearance.

Are you two always together? I mean, can one of you go off and be oblivious to the other's activities?

We're always together but on occasion one of us may not be paying enough attention to remember doing something. So I do appear to be forgetful to others occasionally. Usually if I ask the other, I suddenly "remember" where things are. For example. I kept 5 journals for a couple years. I was looking for them and didn't know where they were. I asked Mia where they were and within 3 minutes found 4 of the journals in 4 different places under a whole bunch of stuff. She didn't tell me where the 5th one was until the next day. I couldn't remember, asked one more time if she knew and I knew where the last one was. It sounds strange and I couldn't tell you why she hid them in the first place but that's how it unfolded.

About sex: are you both attracted to the same type of people? What happens if one of you are interested in someone and the other doesn't like that person?

We in general are each attrached to people based on our own interests and preferences. If one of us is interested in a person and the other is not, then that sort of relationship would inevitably not work out. The ones that we persued in the past were people we both liked a lot. Eventually we ended up with someone that not only both of us liked a lot but who we later found out likes both of us.

Thanks Nero for your questions

Mia and Marq
Two tickets please for the ride of a lifetime

[shawnael]

Well, if you want answers from more bi-genders... I took the liberty of replacing Marq/Mia with Kerry/Kenneth. Hope no one minds.


Buffy's questions:
-Do you have a Male or Female body (or a combination of both?) 
I am female-bodied.

-Are Androgynes predominately Female (with a joint Male persona) or Male (with a joint Female Persona)? 
I actually have no idea. I only came across this three months ago.

-Are there many Androgynes who also are medically intersexed or have chromosome irregularity?   
Once again, I don't know.

-Do you exist in harmony with each persona or does one persona dominate the other? 
I like to think that we're in harmony with each other. Kerry tends to be more dominant, but that's for safety reasons.

-Do you respond to people who are strangers in your physical gender (i.e. Male of Female) or does Kerry respond better to guys,  Kenneth to women (or vice versa) 
Um, we kind of respond together. Kenneth is a little better with people, because Kerry is a bit on the anti-social side.

-How do you decide what clothes to wear (or does Kenneth always win!) and why? 
I wear what I'm most comfortable in each day, or I dress by occasion. Sometimes I wake up, and I think, "I feel pretty today!" or I wake up and think, "By God, am I handsome?" 

-Do the two persona's have preferred hobbies (and does one do what the other does not like?) 
They each have their preferred hobbies (Kerry likes to internet and Kenneth likes to play outside), but we don't complain about anything. Except riding in cars. I hate car-rides.

-What are your perceived benefits of being Androgyneric? 
I can honestly say I am a very interesting individual.    I am able to see things in situations that others can't because I have two minds working on it at the same time.

-What are your perceived drawbacks of being Androgyneric? 
People have a hard time placing me, so they get defensive and/or hostile.

-How do you ensure that both Kerry and Kenneth have a balance in fairness in expression? 
It's difficult at this point in time, but I try to do things that Kenny likes to do.

-How do you think your colleagues, parents view you (as Kerry,  Kenneth or both?) 
Oh, they definitely see me as Kerry, but what they don't know is that the "Kerry" they know is made up of Kerry and Kenny.

-How does having physically (a male or female body) seem to the other persona and is this an issue? 
Kenny thinks we're hot.  It's not much of an issue, unless Kenny wants to go out as male.

-Do both Kerry and  Kenneth like to read the same material, or do they each have their own preferences? 
Interesting question. We're open to all kinds of stuff, and we like to broaden our horizons.

-In terms of sexuality, do both Kerry and  Kenneth have any preference in partners? 
Kerry likes men, Kenny likes women.

-Is there anything that Kerry and Kenneth disagree on and how are those internal conflicts resolved? 
We disagree on a lot of issues. These conflicts aren't so much resolved as we just accept that we disagree. We do this neat thing where we present both sides of an issue and attempt to maintain impartial.

-Given the choice, if you where forced to choose a Gender, which one would it be? 
Dude, that's not even fair. So I'm going to answer a different question. If I were a superhero (er, villain) I'd be Mistique.

-Growing up as a Child, when did you first realize that you did not fit societies view of Gender? 
Really young. Like, seven.

-Do Kerry and  Kenneth like the same or different music? 
We like all kinds of music, but Kenny really likes a loud bass.

-Final question: If society found a "cure" for Gender issues (i.e. cure Transsexuality), would you wish to be "cured" or prefer to stay as the person you are?
Good question. Cured would mean that I'd fit into society. But it would also mean I'd lose half of my personality. I think I'd rather stand out.


Nero's questions:
-Are you two similar to fraternal twins? Or even conjoined twins? 
The way we fight (and love) each other, I'd say siblings is close.

-Kerry, When did you first become aware of Kenneth? 
A long time ago, I suppose. He appears in my mind's eye as how he would look had we been born male. I always knew he was there, but it took knowing the definition of "androgyne" to realise what he was.

- Kenneth, How did you show yourself to Kerry, and how did you convince him of your existence? 
Well, I was actually able to show myself the first time she cross-dressed and passed. It was Halloween, and she wanted to dress up as a boy. And that's when she realised that we were more than just a weird tomboy. She still didn't know what I was, but she did know that she wasn't alone in our body.

-Have you always accepted each other and worked in harmony together, or did you fight like siblings? 
We fight like siblings. But we also accept each other.

-What was it like growing up bigender? 
I think it was weirder for other people than it was for me. I thought everyone felt the way I did, until I reached middle-school. Then I noticed that I dealt with situations different than the other girls. But I didn't exactly deal with things like a guy, either. It was always a mix of both.

-Did you two go through a similar process as transsexuals do - denial, realization, acceptance, coming out?
I suppose. I went through a long childhood of frustration at not being able to place myself. I always thought of myself as "sexually ambiguous." But I just didn't grasp the concept of gender.

-Were you born this way - as two separate people, or did one of you evolve out of necessity? I remember [Marq/Mia] explaining the difference between bigender and multiple personality disorder, but I'm wondering if the evolvement is similar - other personas arise if there's a need for them, etc. 
I see absolutely no need for Kenny. Like Marq/Mia, I had a very happy childhood, and I was always encouraged to do things that made me happy. Kenny's just always been there.

-Kerry, Do you feel more comfortable in the vessel you share than Kenneth does? Because the vessel you share is female? 
I don't feel any more or less comfortable in a female body than I would in a male body. The fact that Kenneth is with me will always cause a slight discomfort, but as long as we're pretty, it doesn't matter. 

- Kenneth, Do you feel gender dysphoria like transsexuals for being in a male body? 
Not really. I'd like to be male, but it's not important to me. What's important is that Kerry knows I'm here and lets me express myself. I'm lucky, because she didn't even hesitate to accept me.

-Are you two always together? I mean, can one of you go off and be oblivious to the other's activities? 
Kenny kind of goes away when I'm being intimate with a boyfriend. It makes him feel a little uncomfortable. But other than that, we're mostly together.

-About sex: are you both attracted to the same type of people? What happens if one of you is interested in someone and the other doesn't like that person? 
If one of us isn't interested or doesn't like the other person, at least on a friendship level, then that person is not good for us. Together, we're a pretty good judge of character.


I have answered to the best of our combined abilities. That was fun. It's a lot harder to answer simple questions than we thought. The simpler questions are so much more complex to answer. Like the question about which books we like to read? I really don't think about it. We just like to read.

[Mia and Marq]

Thank you so much for answering the questions Kenny and Kerry. I enjoyed seeing your answers and relating to your responses. I especially got a kick out of the halloween incident. Halloween was my first opportunity to see if I could pass as a female physically.

If you feel so inclined while we wait for more questions, some of the older lists of questions in other posts could use your insights.

Thanks guys,
Mia and Marq

[shawnael]

Thank you so much for answering the questions Kenny and Kerry. I enjoyed seeing your answers and relating to your responses. I especially got a kick out of the halloween incident. Halloween was my first opportunity to see if I could pass as a female physically.

If you feel so inclined while we wait for more questions, some of the older lists of questions in other posts could use your insights.

Thanks guys,
Mia and Marq

Sure thing, guys.   I love questions. This is a good way for me to examine my own subconscious.

[Kendall]

Thank you both again. All 4 of you.

[RebeccaFog]

    This really is a very interesting thread. I am learning a lot about myself. I'm not bigendered and reading this has helped me to eliminate that possibility.

    The question & answer format helps to clarify the concepts as opposed to just trying to read a declarative post by M&M.

Thank you


Rebis - ---> a lunatic who has yet to escape.