How Much Space Do You Take Up on the Sidewalk?

[Tanya W]

Hi All,

My therapist said something provocative the other day. This is often the case in our relationship - he says something that really catches me, then I contemplate the comment for days and weeks. The most recent was this: 'It all, in my opinion, comes down to how much space you take up on the sidewalk.'

We were talking about my ongoing struggle with self-acceptance and self-expression. Both have been difficult. For better or worse, I have a hard time finding a 'fit' in life / with regard to gender. I am certainly not a cis-person, but I don't slide easily into the more familiar options offered by the trans community.

As as result of this, I spend a lot of time pulled back from the world, withdrawn, isolated, and so on. Hence the provocative comment: 'It all comes down to how much space you take up on the sidewalk.' Most of the time I take very little space on the sidewalk and in life, though I would like to take up more.

So here's the question: How much space do you take up on the sidewalk of life?

[Cindy]

Interesting thought. I'd say I used to take up part of the gutter, then I progressed to taking over the sidewalk. Now I take the entire freeway.

Ye it is progression!

One step at a time! Just keep taking those steps.

[Tessa James]

and now, without further provocation   I have read posts here about how women "typically" occupy a smaller space and how to present more feminine by emulating that posture.  Forgedabotit folks!  I encourage any and all to throw back those shoulders and keep your chin up.  It is a bit fun to play the demure girl pose as a flirt but in real time I want to own my space.  I recently started wearing heels which can put me at 6'+.  Walk tall, be proud and sing the songs that reveal those true colors.  Glass ceilings are breakable.  My "girl" was a shadow to me for decades and now she/I live in full color and without apologies.  We all have a unique path and it is a challenge especially considering the limits of language and labels to find the one true way?  If you found one that "fits" how long might you keep it?  You know about change and what fit you yesterday may be out grown today? 

Our values may be certain but our ability to adapt and feel a fluid sense of gender seems just what transition is all about.  And not all meaningful transitions require drugs or surgery either IMHO.

And a ho ho ho de oh too

[DriftingCrow]

I think space doesn't really matter all that much, since I think it's "nurture" that causes women to take up less space and men more typically than it is "nature".

It depends for me, I take up little space if I am in a rush and I am trying to zip through the crowd, but I can take up a lot if I am taking my time and don't give a crap.    Same for seating on the train, benches, etc. Sometimes I take up very little space, especially if it's a crowded train and everyone needs to make room, but I can take up a lot if I feel like it and I am not being rude doing so.

[Beth Andrea]

I try to take up my "fair share", no more, no less.

The fun part is, I get to define how much my fair share is...sometimes it's the grassy area next to the sidewalk...sometimes I get to push people into the traffic lanes (I always look to see if there is--or is not--a car coming).

[insideontheoutside]

I get the stereotypical "men take up more space and women take up less", but is that what the therapist is referring to here? Maybe I'm just taking it too literally. Like people actually walking down a sidewalk. Typically if someone else is coming along, you accommodate them and move. One way to take this is, do you not move for other people? Do you just walk down the middle and force others to go around you? Obviously since you say you take up very little space, you would be accommodating in letting other people also walk on the sidewalk. But how is that a bad thing, you know? That's the courteous thing, rather than being a space hog. Also, allowing other people to "walk on the sidewalk" could be a metaphor for allowing others to also do their thing while you're doing your thing. Coexisting in the world, so to speak.

[Gina Taylor]

Amazingly enough, I take up the middle section of the sidewalk. I guess that means that I'm confident in what I'm doing. 

[Devlyn]

The whole darn thing. My sidewalk! 

[Taka]

hot babes take the most space on a sidewalk. people even step aside for them if they display enough confidence in their self-expression.
though someone who looks like a gang member would probably create the same effect.

how much space i take up depends on whether i want to be noticed or not. some times, i'd rather be all alone, and those times i really try to melt into the shadows since people simply refuse to disappear. but i'm not afraid to take up the entire sidewalk either, when i'm in the mood for that.

[amZo]

My therapist said something provocative the other day. This is often the case in our relationship - he says something that really catches me, then I contemplate the comment for days and weeks. The most recent was this: 'It all, in my opinion, comes down to how much space you take up on the sidewalk.'

I let others have half, no more without very good reason, but I'll be the judge of these instances. 

That's my answer to both the literal and figurative meaning of the question.

[Joanna Dark]

I take up very little space and always have. But then again I'm all of 5'5.5 and 125 lbs max so I don't really have a choice. I'm also very demure by nature. The only person who says I take up too much space is my BF who says I'm always hanging all over him lol but lately, he's been very intimate and pulls me into his space like gravity.

[steffindorset]

I walk confidently along the sidewalk and feel good doing this but have days when the line i walk is thin , really comes down to confidence .i have been on to bigger journey to fall down the cracks on the side walk 

[Jenna Stannis]

I dislike sidewalk hogs and people with an over-inflated sense of entitlement. Cringe-worthy "empowerment" psycho-babble drives me bonkers. But that's just me.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

I be str8 sidewalk walkin up in here!!

I don't know...I take up as much space relative to the size of my body...I guess.

[Rachel]

I take up as little as I can. I know the metaphor. I will work on taking more space.