Riley,
All my life I had my heart set out for the military, and I enlisted in the Army on my 18th birthday. I was shipped off to Fort Jackson on July 22nd after a heartfelt goodbye from my family and was shoved into processing. On the last day of processing, most of my battalion was was cramped into the chapel for what they call the moment of truth, which is exactly what it sounds like. People lined up to tell our 1st Srg and Battalion Commander things we may have left out or lied about to enlist, threatening serious consequences later if we didn't disclose this information now. Parking Tickets, former arrests, medical information, etc. I sat there for most of the time, trying to keep myself composed and debating on what I should do. I've wanted this for so long, and at that point, I wasn't entirely sure if I was trans or not, but my uncertainty is really what pushed me to tell. It was only when I was talking with the 1st Srg and Commander I finally accepted that I was trans and I would be miserable for a very long time, had I decided to keep quiet, and probably would have ended up doing something incredibly stupid and selfish.
I do have conflicting feelings over the decision sometimes. I know I could have made it through basic, I know I would've been great at my job. I'd had enough money for T and surgery later on, but I couldn't do it. I feel like 18, now pushing 19, years is long enough for me to have this consent ache in my chest because I don't look how I feel, about how my voice squeaks when I talk to loud or my family and close friends not seeing me for who I am and treating me differently then how i should be treated. Although I may be bitter about my situation, I believe it was the right choice for me, and I don't regret it. I threw away a very stable and respectable career and I'm still not happy where I'm at right now in my life, I have a lot of people supporting me who I care about very much and have no where to go but up. I'm positive things will get better and I'll find a new goal to shoot for, or maybe try to the military again later on in my life.
But I guess to me, if you have to lie about who you are, I don't think it's worth it. Especially for something as public as that can be. Like others have said, it's still possible for you to get a singing career if you medically transition. Therapy is a highly recommended idea before pursuing either, I think.
-RJ (my name is Riley too!
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