But you don't act like a girl!

[RavenMoon]

I agree. Watch and learn and then just get to the point where you are not thinking out it any more. Then it will be second nature.

I think there are certain mannerisms that men avoid so they don't look feminine and they don't even realize it. It's ingrained in cultural gender stereotypes.   

[JLT1]

I guess this is the "more later" that I posted in my original response. But I do want to say the responses are wonderful.

So, to add a little...  I have spent my life imitating men.  That was encouraged, sometimes painfully, by my parents.  It took me a couple years to learn how to walk like a man.  But I did a lot of it on my own.  I wanted to be a boy and then a man.  It all became second nature, automatic, without thought; even the work required to imitate became second nature.  The goal was not only to blend in but to be a better man than the others.  The rewards for me were money and women.  (Both of which are still highly desirable.)

However, I was a fake.  My relationships blew up because I could not hold the illusion 24/7.  Even the relationship I am now in, with my wife of 10 years, was blowing up until all of this hit. The stress of trying to act and to be someone I'm not got so bad. So very bad. But I was a very good fake.

To my point: The second nature habits I developed are still there.  I act more like a woman now but I seem to have to think about losing some of those behaviors I learned.  Only those few who I really let know me believed I was a woman when I came out to them.  Most thought it was impossible.

Be what you are.  It is the only way to be truly happy.

Hugs,

Jen

[RavenMoon]

It's interesting how while many of us start off the same at an early age, but some try and become more masculine, I guess as a way to suppress it. Probably because my physical form was closer to a girl. I just never bothered... what was the point? lol I didn't like sports anyway, except maybe baseball, but no one wanted me on their teams because I was too small and stuff.  lol I could run very fast though.
Even now I have to remind one of my tall bandmates that I'm short, I'm not weak... I can carry that damn amp. 🙂 But that's how I have been treated most of my life.

I was the bookworm type anyway. Never blending in with guys didn't seem to be a problem because I was shy anyway, and I didn't much like what most of the guys were into anyway. I preferred to have my small group of misfit friends (band geeks), or hung out with girls. If it wasn't for the fact that I was cute I probably wouldn't have had too many girlfriends. But they seemed to chase me, so that saved me the trouble. lol

Looking back on it, this GD has defined my life in ways that didn't seem obvious to me, like the fish in the bowl doesn't see he water. But now it's plain as day.

[Natalia]

Probably this will be the phrase my mom will say to me when I come out to her: "but you don't act like a girl"

This is a hard thing to answer.

It is not exactly evident that I act like a girl. I do a lot of things as a man is supposed to do, but I also react and do lot of things as a girl would do.

I can do small repairs at home, I care a lot about my car, I played with plastic soldiers when I was a kid...boy things....but I am very emotional and cry at every sad or happy thing that happens to me (including movies), I love to cook and I am always helping my mother at the kitchen, I played with stuffed animals and other girl toys when I was a kid...girl things.

This is a crazy mix...But I have one explanation.

The way I fell was kept deep buried in my mind and was repressed for so long...I tried to be what was expected of me, I tried to be a man. I tried to like boy things, like sports, drinking and talking about women...but I failed miserably at that because that is not who I am.

I was more of the lonely guy that spent hours reading and studying, having almost no friends and that walks looking down. I am not effeminate... except by the fact I usually sit in a more feminine way and sometimes I think my walking is a bit girly.

So, "but you don't act like a girl". I don't act like a girl because I couldn't...I am a girl that tried to learn how to be a boy. That wasn't working and I closed myself in a shell to avoid being hurt.

[RavenMoon]

Natalia, a lot of what you just wrote sounds like me too. Except I never tried too hard to be a boy. I just did whatever I liked. Even to this day It's well know that when me and one of my kids play Mario Kart, I'm always Peach! No one else is allowed to be her but me. lol It's always been that way with games here. If there's a female character, I pick it. So while I am not overtly effeminate, I make no qualms about relating to girl things. My daughter even gave me a Hello Kitty necklace for my birthday. 🙂

[barbie]

I can do small repairs at home, I care a lot about my car, I played with plastic soldiers when I was a kid...boy things....but I am very emotional and cry at every sad or happy thing that happens to me (including movies), I love to cook and I am always helping my mother at the kitchen, I played with stuffed animals and other girl toys when I was a kid...girl things.

I think education and socialization have made that. Gender stereotype is universal around the world.

Nowadays, my wife repairs at home and care our cars.
My little daughter hates wearing skirts like her mom.
Probably I alone sometimes wear skirts at home.
My second son does not like my wearing skirt.

barbie~~

[Emo]

speech pattern is something that is learned to me. i have a sort of hybrid of my moms and dads speech patterns so i have a more inbetween feeling. i like being active and playing sports games among other things, but its because im very competitive not because im good at it or want to be big and strong.
i myself am tomboyish. i have a tomboy stylein clothes i like with a girlish flare.
just because you dont act like a girl may not mean youre not TG. from what i understand, its the feeling that you do not belong with the catagory of the sex you were assigned at birth.
thats my take on it. no idea if im wrong or not but i hope it helps.