Despite being on here several times every day, I don't really think about it that much. I certainly don't think of myself as trans, or anything other than male, even though I'm constantly reminded that I'm not known to the world as such. Coming here is more of a cross between checking something like twitter, and satisfying my need for constantly absorbing knowledge, and if I can use some of that knowledge to help people by sharing it back, then that's more than I hoped for when I joined. Being on here doesn't make me think about being trans any more or any less really, it's just a subject I know about, and I'm interested in. If I found a welcoming forum on something else I was interested in then I would obsess over that just as much, but I've tried to join others, but just find them either completely overwhelming, or having really bizarre anti-spam stuff to get through before joining. One site made you email the admin and then make 5 posts in the newbies section first, and I have no idea what to put in anything like that, so I avoided it. I'm still trying to stray out of the FTM section here with no avail.
I do get a twinge of reminder whenever someone calls me by my birthname, or when I go to my (female) shared bedroom at work, but that issue was never there before because I never used to sleep in a gender segregated environment. It's a kick in the teeth and I spend most of my time in the guys room next door, even just the smell and colours makes me feel more at home. Stabs and bouts of dysphoria and that week make me think about it a lot more, but I expect that to pass in time when I get medically transitioning, and thinking about the NHS just makes me incredibly angry and frustrated at the moment.
