Who else?

[maximusloverus]

You know the saying chivalry is dead. Well I hate to hear it so I am doing my best to bring a bit of it back. I will start by posting one way to be chivalrous and be sure to do that action frequently. Hopefully this thread will grow and give us more ideas of how to bring back chivalry. Let's not only make men of ourselves let's make more gentlemen in this world!!! Ok here goes.

Open the car door for her

[geek]

You know, (well you dont so im going to tell you :p ) i have a tendency to do this sort of thing with my partners, and only once did i have a GF that loathed it, she said she didnt like having attention drawn to her, but whatever, so i stopped doing this for a while, and i think now that im free of her, i shall endeavour to do this again! good idea!

hmm

If she's carrying something heavy, offer to help or say, "Let me get that for you."

I do this with my mum 

[Tossu-sama]

I tried this once after my fiancé had complained there's no chivalry in the world, like no one picks up things a lady has accidentally dropped. So I picked up her cigarette butt she had dropped. She said that's not what chivalry is about. Never did it again.

But seriously speaking, we don't really do this stuff with strangers because we have this "I CAN DO IT MYSELF YOU IDIOT" mindset in Finland. :'D
The most common thing is to hold a door open or swing it so far wide open that it won't close before the other one reaches it (that goes for both genders so I don't know if it counts).

[YBtheOutlaw]

as a constant user of public transport i'd say- let the ladies get in before you do (i try to do this most of the time, like i get in after all the women, and men who dont see me as a guy get in after me. a week or so back it almost killed me cos the bus pulled off while i was not fully in. but it feels good)

[AdamMLP]

If I tried to open the car door for my missus she'd think I'd gone crazy, and I'm friends with someone who always takes a disliking to people saying "ladies first" or something and refuses.

I don't do anything different for women just because they're women.  I'll hold a door for anyone, I'll offer a hand if someone's struggling carrying something, I'd get up on public transport if someone looked like they needed the seat more than me, pregnant, old and infirm, disabled etc.  I hope that I act decent to everyone regardless of their gender.

[YBtheOutlaw]

also buy things for her. even if she's buying for herself with her money, even if she's intending to buy something for both of you with her money, or when you're going to pool your money for something, you do the purchase. let her stand back and you stand in queues, fight through commotions at the cashier and deal with shopkeepers and sales people. even when you're travelling you get her money too and buy tickets for both. i don't know how much this applies in your cultures but here, women are not really fond of purchasing stuff and i eventually get to do that for my friends. most of the time they themselves give me the money and say 'please buy me that'

[Edge]

I agree with Alexander. It doesn't matter what the gender and I don't consider it chivalry. I just consider it being polite.

[Brandon]

I agree with Alexander. It doesn't matter what the gender and I don't consider it chivalry. I just consider it being polite.

Yea but as a man and a gentlemen you are suppose to do thoes things for women, I do it for everyone to but, If I'm gonna be a gentlemen, I do it for women, The only reason we fell out of that mode is because know adays people settle for anything and alot of women don't care anymore not throwing every women in a box, Like I tell my friends you want a man that's gonna treat with respect and like a gentlemen, Then you stand at that car door and you wait for him to open it, That's how you let them know that your not playing games, Also most of these girls don't have respect for themselves enough to know that or werent brought up to know that,  They did it back in the old days though.





When you take her out to dinner pull out her chair before you sit down

[Simon]

I always open the door for any woman I have been with. For me it's always seemed rude to swing the door open and walk in front of her. If we are somewhere and she is cold I'll offer my coat but other than that I can't think of much else I do. If I were to open her car door, hold her umbrella, pull out her chair, or something like that she would probably ask if I was up to something, lol. There is a fine line between being sweet and being overbearing with a woman. Gotta be careful not to cross it.

[YBtheOutlaw]

it's not that i care less for people other than women. i do all the door holding and stuff for everyone, just being polite. but when it comes to women, there's this something, err how do i put it? there's this urge to prove myself a gentleman. it's nothing i think on purpose, it's like, i don't know. it comes so naturally and quickly.
maybe it's a trait that comes with male gender. in birds and other animals the male tries to impress the female by doing this and that, trying to prove himself to be caring and able to provide and protect etc. when finding partners. even when they're not trying to find partners i think that sort of attitude prevails between males and females, like those other traits which are originally there to support reproduction but not considered so in general life. i don't know. just my opinion. not being sexist or anything but that's the explaination i came up with.

[Brandon]

That's my point back then women were fine with and wanted a man to do thoes things, Some still do and know adays women really don't know their value and that's were the problem is, They settle for anything or either complain about a man not doing that, Why wouldn't you hold a car door open, Hold any door open, Pull her chair out before you sit down and give her your coat if she's cold, That's what being a gentlemen is all about, Atleast that's how I was raised and learned to know, That's not over doing anything women know adays just don't care, Then you have a small portion who does want that, I always say ladies first because men are not suppose to walk in front of them, We think it's know adays these thing may not have been taught to us, And again lots of woman don't know their value or repect themselves enough, Cuz in my oppinion woman are very valuable


Prime example of women not knowing their worth and respecting themselves, I have been told by girls that I have nice abs or body, Some girls even wanted to have sex with me just because of it, You don't respect yourself because your ready to open your legs for me because I have nice abs when I can be a serial killer my point exactly , And Ive met tons of women who are like that, I don't want a woman who's like that though

[thatboyfresh]

What about non "male and female" relationships. I feel like being chivalrous is more a state of mind (chivalry means courteous and honor) when speaking in terms of strangers and people we don't know. For instance I will be the one stuck holding a door open for a long line of people, not just the woman.  If you are talking about in a relationship with a SO I feel like their is a difference there. As, I would never offer some random person ( guy or girl) on the street my jacket to hold? ( one I was expecting to keep anyhow)
I feel it's so much better when the person is not expecting it. The action then seems so much more special with out it being some fancy watch or something.
Some things I do ( specifically for my gf) :

-Carry her when it's all slushy/snowy out side to the car.
-Saying thank you for things such as cleaning up, doing dishes ect
- I randomly do her laundry and fold it and put it away
-Let her wear my jacket
-Let her order first OR ( since my girlfriend is really shy) order first for her
-Buy her flowers for no reason other then that you were thinking of her
- Leave her random notes or write her love letters

[AdamMLP]

I don't think that women not wanting this is something which means that women don't respect themselves any more.  Something like not caring about a person's personality just if they look hot is something in a different league and a different topic.  I can't believe that it's something isolated just to our generation either, only that it's out in the open now.  If anything, when people get offended by men saying "Ladies first" or pulling chairs out for them (I'm not talking opening doors because that's a general politeness that everyone should do for everyone) because it comes from a time when women weren't given the same rights as men, for example before women's suffrage.  Having a chair pulled out for them suggests that they can't do it for themselves.  I'm sure some women like it, some women couldn't care less, but several that I know would take offence to it, because they're standing up for equality in their own way.

I'm not saying that all people acting chivalrous are sexist pigs, it all depends on the situation, if it's something which works in your relationship then fine, it's a nice thing to do if it works for you, but don't be surprised if some women take offence due to the origin of it.  I do agree with some of the things, particularly thatboyfresh's because I do do stuff randomly write letters to her even though we text every day and call often, it's nice to have something physical.

[Brandon]

I don't think that women not wanting this is something which means that women don't respect themselves any more.  Something like not caring about a person's personality just if they look hot is something in a different league and a different topic.  I can't believe that it's something isolated just to our generation either, only that it's out in the open now.  If anything, when people get offended by men saying "Ladies first" or pulling chairs out for them (I'm not talking opening doors because that's a general politeness that everyone should do for everyone) because it comes from a time when women weren't given the same rights as men, for example before women's suffrage.  Having a chair pulled out for them suggests that they can't do it for themselves.  I'm sure some women like it, some women couldn't care less, but several that I know would take offence to it, because they're standing up for equality in their own way.

I'm not saying that all people acting chivalrous are sexist pigs, it all depends on the situation, if it's something which works in your relationship then fine, it's a nice thing to do if it works for you, but don't be surprised if some women take offence due to the origin of it.  I do agree with some of the things, particularly thatboyfresh's because I do do stuff randomly write letters to her even though we text every day and call often, it's nice to have something physical.

In some cases it does yes, Most women do want a guy who will pull out her chair, At a nice resturant though come on I'm not just gonna sit down first , But she shouldn't ask for a gent if shes gonna take offence to what I do for her

[insideontheoutside]

I don't do anything different for women just because they're women.  I'll hold a door for anyone, I'll offer a hand if someone's struggling carrying something, I'd get up on public transport if someone looked like they needed the seat more than me, pregnant, old and infirm, disabled etc.  I hope that I act decent to everyone regardless of their gender.

I pretty much do this as well ... just try to be decent to everyone regardless of their gender.

[David27]

Personally I help people regardless of who they are because it is about being a decent human being.

Part of the resistance to chivalry is due to the I can do it myself attitude and the other part is that people want to be treated as equal in relationships (romantic or not). The other thing in around my age group (high school-college age range) I think that people are less likely to help and want help, which isn't the way my parents and family interact. People tend not to act when someone needs help they walk by instead.

I think many people open doors and other things because it is polite and nice to do. The problem with chivalry is it is primarily associated with men doing things for women because they had less rights in the past. You can be chivalrous, but don't come across as overbearing.

[Brandon]

Well the whole point off this topic was talking what we could do for women as gentlemen, Yes I do things or everyone, But when it comes to being a gent thats what I do, But I don't think pulling out a chair for a woman at a resturan is overbearing nor is letting ladies go first or holding car doors or any door at that open for her, Or giving her your coat when she's cold, That's just how I was brought up

[Kreuzfidel]

I was raised by my grandparents, so my grandfather - being quite the old-fashioned gent - taught me a lot and he didn't even realise it.  I hold the door open for my wife, push her seat up for her at restaurants, pay when we're on a date, let her get her meal first if I cook or if we dine out at a buffet, etc.  I'm also polite to men and children and the elderly - just natural to me, I guess.  I like the old-fashioned way of doing things sometimes.

[Nikotinic]

Personally I don't do these things because I hate when people do them to me.

Even before I had acknowledged I was trans* this pissed me off. When someone feels like they need to carry a heavy thing or pull out my chair or whatever, it feels like they're assuming I'm not capable of doing it myself. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm really a dude - I'm assuming most cis men would be put out by these gestures too. But I'm sure that there are women who get just as offended.

In the end I just try to treat people like people and be equally polite to anyone.

[Jack_M]

As someone who wants equality for all, nah.

Completely agree with EVERYTHING Nikotinic said and found it extremely insulting personally before I knew what trans even was, thinking I was a capable female human and they were assuming I could handle heavy things, or afford to pay for anything.  I can sure as hell manage a simple chair!  And so on.  Unless I was actually struggling with something, I hated people assuming I couldn't do that something.  Being female bodied isn't a disability.  Now true, I wasn't actually a girl, but I did talk about hating that sort of thing with girls who agreed and hated it themselves. 

Personally, I'm interested in the type of girls who think the same so not appearing chivalrous doesn't concern me.

However, girls can sometimes play a game early on and for that, I play along.  Example: if a girl is cold, I'll give her my coat, but she best believe if she makes a habit of that I'll start telling her to bring a coat when we go out and if not, just dump her because to me that's just being stupid.  I can see that as being a way to test a guy early on to see if they're giving and receptive to their needs and hints, and yeah, I'll play that game.  Now and again as a rarity is fine, but when it becomes habit, no!  The way I see it women should have some self respect and intelligence; if it's cold out, wear a coat!  This may be more of a concern to me as someone living in Canada.  It can get VERY cold here!  We had up to -20 degree celcius weather recently.  In weather like that, I'm choosing pre-planned warmth over chivalry for a silly girl! 

It's kinda old fashioned to be chivalrous really and as such I feel you're more likely to lose than win with chivalrous behaviour.  It can depend on the type of girl you want to be fair.  For me I want an equal and she shouldn't care about that stuff and perhaps not even want it.  For me, there's nothing sexier or appealing than a girl who holds a door open for me if she happens to get there first or insist on splitting costs of a night out.  That's a girl to hang onto!  There's some obvious things that are more common sense.  Going back to the door example, if I open the door, I hold it for anyone I'm with regardless of gender.  I never open a door and go straight through unless I'm on my own.  If anyone is struggling with something I'll offer to help, boy or girl.  I've told elderly men and women in a bus queue to go ahead an sit down, I'll make sure to keep their place and so on.  I'll tell able bodied people to move for any disabled or elderly individuals on public transport if they're too shy to say themselves.  In this day and age, I find chivalry can often be unwanted and more of an insult to many girls. 

Oh, and on public transport, unless I'm interested in the girl and looking for a way to start a conversation , length of time standing wins when it comes to who gets the seat.  If I'm next to a girl who got on 1 stop ago and I've been there 15 minutes and a seat frees up in front of me.  Sorry, I win!  Lol.  Unless you obviously need it (disabled/elderly) it's fair game really. 

My opinion: equality trumps chivalry.