Social anxiety?

[iamconfused]

Hey i'm just wondering if social anxiety could be connected to being transgender. I've been dealing with social anxiety for years, i've been to a psychiatrist, put on meds, etc. and i still feel very uncomfortable and anxious when going out. I know that i'm transgender. I'm not saying that I could be transgender because I deal with social anxiety, i'm just asking if they could be connected. Nothing is helping me get over it, i don't have any confidence, and i don't like myself. It's also impossible for me to stay confident. None of these feelings are going away. I'm not on hormones btw. I feel like getting on hormones would sove a lot of these problems and these negative things that i've been dealing with for years.

[AdamMLP]

I know a few trans people with social anxiety, so it could be. I don't know if it's correlation or causation though.

[Simon]

I can only tell you my own experience and YMMV. I went to a psychiatrist for my gender therapist pre T and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. It used to take an act of congress to get me to go anywhere, lol. After T I am still shy with people I don't know if it's a social situation but everyday things like going to a crowded restaurant, shopping in a busy store, or things like that don't phase me at all. I'm actually starting College in a few weeks. Before taking T it never would have happened. There would have been no way I could have sat in a room with twenty something other people and not had a panic attack. So in my case yes, T has given me confidence just to belong in society. I wish you well, I know what you're going through is rough. 

[SunKat]

From my experience, social anxiety can be a direct result of growing up transgender. 

If you've spent the formative years of your life with a "secret" to hide...
If you've grown up listening to common "popular" opinions on gender and gender roles from family, friends and clergy... 
If you've hidden away your beliefs and ideas and feelings about your core identity... 
If you've censored your own interests and behaviors for the sake of appearing normal to the people closest to you...

If this is the type of socialization you've received... then why wouldn't you have social anxiety.

I'm not saying that this is true for everyone who is transgender.  We all have had different experiences and different backgrounds and different levels of support from our families and loved ones.  But I think most of us, especially those of us who are older, have spent some time in suppressing, hiding or denying this part of ourselves.

Speaking for myself...
While other children were learning to reach out and form connections with others, I was building barriers and safeguards against others.
While other children were learning confidence from performing well in their assigned gender roles, I felt like a failure, or even worse, a target for not living up to those roles.  And when I did succeed in living up to my role, I felt like a hypocrite to myself.

Growing up I never fully socialized as either "Male" or "Female".  ...And so much of how we socially interact with each other depends on the traditional dynamic between  Male/Male, Female/Male, Female/Female social role relationships that I found that I could only interact successfully in the small margins where gender made no difference.

Overcoming social anxiety is very difficult and I can't say that I've been as successful as I'd like to be.  What I believe is that the key to overcoming it is to live authentically and to be willing to share that authenticity with others.  It means giving up the self-censoring and trying to act in a way that allows you to like yourself regardless of what others may think. 

[Cindy]

Social anxiety is very common in TG people with the exception of young children who now transition naturally without societal pressure.

[karahayes]

Both my therapist and a friend in the local cd/tg community have discussed the possibility that an anti-anxiety med would have the same effects on me as HRT?  I've had this great sense of calmness come over me after six months on low-dose HRT.  In fact, I don't feel as much anxiety as I've had in the past.  On the other hand, I don't have any urges (libido) either.  It's not a bad thing.

I'm not sure if I want to stop HRT at this point to try an anti-anxiety med?

[Missadventure]

From my experience, social anxiety can be a direct result of growing up transgender. 

If you've spent the formative years of your life with a "secret" to hide...
If you've grown up listening to common "popular" opinions on gender and gender roles from family, friends and clergy... 
If you've hidden away your beliefs and ideas and feelings about your core identity... 
If you've censored your own interests and behaviors for the sake of appearing normal to the people closest to you...

If this is the type of socialization you've received... then why wouldn't you have social anxiety.

I'm not saying that this is true for everyone who is transgender.  We all have had different experiences and different backgrounds and different levels of support from our families and loved ones.  But I think most of us, especially those of us who are older, have spent some time in suppressing, hiding or denying this part of ourselves.

Speaking for myself...
While other children were learning to reach out and form connections with others, I was building barriers and safeguards against others.
While other children were learning confidence from performing well in their assigned gender roles, I felt like a failure, or even worse, a target for not living up to those roles.  And when I did succeed in living up to my role, I felt like a hypocrite to myself.

Growing up I never fully socialized as either "Male" or "Female".  ...And so much of how we socially interact with each other depends on the traditional dynamic between  Male/Male, Female/Male, Female/Female social role relationships that I found that I could only interact successfully in the small margins where gender made no difference.

Overcoming social anxiety is very difficult and I can't say that I've been as successful as I'd like to be.  What I believe is that the key to overcoming it is to live authentically and to be willing to share that authenticity with others.  It means giving up the self-censoring and trying to act in a way that allows you to like yourself regardless of what others may think.

This speaks to me loudly. For most of my life I've always opted out of social situations while at the same time wanting them, almost coveting them. When I have gone out, I generally spend some time being the wallflower before leaving depressed. And, it's not because I'm afraid of interacting with people - my career path for the past decade has been heavily based upon public speaking. I'm great at getting in front of groups and interacting on that level. But, without the shield of "work", I clam up and grow anxious. And as I sit here and think about the duality of that, it's because work is work, but socializing for me is something else, and until very recently I haven't felt free to really be myself.

What I have noticed is that now that I've decided to go forward with transitioning I've suddenly become more socially outgoing. I don't know if that's a causal effect, or if it's just a coincidence, or if it's rooted in the fact that I overcame several pretty bad emotional traumas earlier in the year. But, I'm starting to feel acceptance of myself, whereas before I was denying myself. And, how can one expect others to accept them when one can't accept themselves? Seems like a recipe for social anxiety to me.

[Oriah]

I used to have terrible social anxiety....it got bad enough that I was prescribed alprazolam....it helped, but I moved and never refilled my script.  For a while after that, the anxiety would still get bad some days, so I would take Valerian root or Kava, and on days when I was going into public I'd drink a couple of beers before going out...not enough to get sloshed, but enough to make me a little less self conscious.....eventually it just got better.....

[Miyuki]

I was always a very shy child, and growing up I continued to have major social anxiety issues. It wasn't ever bad enough for me to want to become a complete recluse, but I tended to avoid many social activities that other people seemed to enjoy. But it's funny, it seems like the closer I get to feeling like I can be successfully perceived as female, the more confidence in social situations I have. I was never even consciously aware being male was having an impact on my confidence in social situations, but in retrospect it really seems to have been a big part of the problem.

[Kaitlin4475]

I would take Valerian root or Kava...

Kava is so gross! Shivers just thinking about it. I hope when I start HRT that my own anxieties will be alleviated.

[Oriah]

Kava is so gross! Shivers just thinking about it. I hope when I start HRT that my own anxieties will be alleviated.

yeah, it's a pretty gnarly substance!  The extract isn't bad, but the root beverage tastes sooooooo bad

[Pinkkatie]

I went into therapy because of social anxiety. During my sessions I learned that my lack of self acceptance with myself is what causes my social phobia. For me there is a relation between the two.

[Natkat]

It could be related on being trans, or other things as well, it not to say for sure.
-
I got pretty bad anxiouty last year and I still do have some even when it got much better laterly. I don't think my anxiouty got that much again to do with being transgender. I don't have social anxiouty it more like some kind of presentation anxiouty where im scared I will fail in any way or that people will think I wasn't good enough, and somethimes it resemble social anxiouty alittle because this fear make me call in sick or not being able to be social in the first place.

I think it sort of related to being trans as being an activist but I also belive it related to the fact I in general my whole life had to prove myself for anything if I want to achieve it, and it can be pretty exhausting at times.

So the answer is yes and no, it not uncommon but it all depend on your life.

[coldnightforalligators]

This speaks to me loudly. For most of my life I've always opted out of social situations while at the same time wanting them, almost coveting them. When I have gone out, I generally spend some time being the wallflower before leaving depressed. And, it's not because I'm afraid of interacting with people - my career path for the past decade has been heavily based upon public speaking. I'm great at getting in front of groups and interacting on that level. But, without the shield of "work", I clam up and grow anxious. And as I sit here and think about the duality of that, it's because work is work, but socializing for me is something else, and until very recently I haven't felt free to really be myself.

What I have noticed is that now that I've decided to go forward with transitioning I've suddenly become more socially outgoing. I don't know if that's a causal effect, or if it's just a coincidence, or if it's rooted in the fact that I overcame several pretty bad emotional traumas earlier in the year. But, I'm starting to feel acceptance of myself, whereas before I was denying myself. And, how can one expect others to accept them when one can't accept themselves? Seems like a recipe for social anxiety to me.

I couldnt have said it any better Sunkat, I also have found this to be true for me.

Another spot on reply Missadventure, My job isn't so much public speaking, but heavy on the social interaction, as long as the conversation is work related or any other non interpersonal topic, I'm great. as soon as it turns to anything elts though i either clam up, drop out or lie through my teeth. Lately though lying for appearances has grown so painful that drop out seems to be the norm, although slowly it seems I'm starting to through facets of myself in to the conversation instead of "stereotypical CisMale response #7."

[JenSquid]

Speaking for myself...
While other children were learning to reach out and form connections with others, I was building barriers and safeguards against others.
While other children were learning confidence from performing well in their assigned gender roles, I felt like a failure, or even worse, a target for not living up to those roles.  And when I did succeed in living up to my role, I felt like a hypocrite to myself.

This was me as well. When I was in my teenage years, I was bullied extensively. Before that I was a generally open and happy kid, but afterwards I was terrified of people; afraid that if I was honest about what I thought or how I felt, I'd be attacked for it. One of the things I remember happening a lot was that people would come up to me and ask me something, only to take whatever I said and use it against me. It didn't matter how dry, mundane, or technical my response was, they'd always find some way to twist it into something they could make fun of me with. The other thing I remember happening a lot was that there was always this expectation that I was supposed to already know certain things (or occasionally not know things), but no one would ever bother to tell me them. These, I noticed, tended to be highly gendered, and were always frustrating.
As a result of all of this, I learned to keep my distance from people. Even when I'm terribly lonely, when I absolutely crave companionship, I still can't bring myself to approach people. When people approach me, I still keep emotional distance, because I don't trust them not to hurt me. I'm always guarded, always afraid to open up. While it's been a long time since I was in such a hostile environment, I know I've internalized too much of that of hurt; I suspect that a sense of shame has developed to match said fear. That somehow I learned there must be something wrong with me to trigger such reactions. While my own self-integrity would never let me pretend to be someone I'm not for the sake of others, I could always lie by omission. Thus I would censor what I say around people, lest I give them an opening to attack.

[Kade1985]

I could see where the two are linked... Like the common fear of oh god am I going to get trouble for being who I am. I mean that would definitely cause ME some anxiety at least.

My anxiety was developed over years of dealing with social situations gone really bad. So I don't think my anxiety is related to my being trans... but I'm no professional when it comes to these sorts of things. I mean I just had years and years of dealing with backstabbings, abandonments, judgmental twats and so on, so mine's just sort of a "I hate people now" thing. Which sucks cause I use to be a very sociable guy.

[Jess42]

Well there seems to be a coincidence of social anxiety connected to transgender folks. I don't think it is exclusive to transgenders. Mine has not as much to do with being transgender as to just being more uncomfortable around social groups. I feel uncomfortable around large groups of people and it's not from a lack of self acceptance, being trans but just a general discomfort around large groups of people, the larger, the more discomfort.

The very first memory of this was when I started the first grade. No I didn't cry or miss my mommy (never was a mommy's boy or girl) but rather just didn't feel right. I didn't talk too much and kind of widthdrew from the groups. I never raised my hand to answer questions because I didn't want to be the center of everyone's attention. Of course through the school years I did somewhat create an alter personality to deal with it better but it wasn't a teacher's pet, good girl or boy personality. More like the crazy one in a good way but socially in the misfit's group. They dressed way cooler than the preppies anyway.

But who knows it may be that I was trans and really didn't feel like I felt like I belonged to the boys groups and was drawn more to the girls. But I really don't think so too much. Regardless though I do suffer more from what I call social claustrophobia because I can't stand anyone being less than three feet away from me, unless they are a boyfriend, girlfriend, extremely close friend in general or family. Family even makes me a little uncomfortable even.

[Michelle123]

Anxiety in general is linked to a history of drug use and/or a lack of rare trace minerals.  I seemed to have a low interest in people, myself.  Not really anxious about it, just not that interested or feel the need to meet others.  I don't know if that will change or not.

[Michelle123]

Kava is so gross! Shivers just thinking about it. I hope when I start HRT that my own anxieties will be alleviated.

Ever time I see your photo, I can't believe you aren't already on HRT.  You are very fortunate.

[debpossible]

Hey i'm just wondering if social anxiety could be connected to being transgender.

I don't know but I have my suspicions.

I have wanted to be a girl ever since I was 4 years old. I have also suffered from very severe social phobia since I was 15 years old. It was present in a milder form as early as kindergarten. It is so severe that I have lived my whole adult life without any social life at all. I've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend and have only one friend. Up until a couple of years ago I couldn't even post on message boards out of fear that I wouldn't fit in and would be ignored or ridiculed.

I have a theory that being different in a time (when I was growing up) when being transgender was definitely not acceptable resulted in my withdrawing from others out of fear of being victimized (I was victimized in school anyway because I was so quiet and timid).

I mentioned my theory to a psychiatrist once and he dismissed it out of hand. Still, I wonder.