Feeling somewhat confused

[bethany]

No not about who or what I am; but the politics of this site that seems to be going on lately. I know there are some people who don't get along with others and thats fine. It's normal in everyday life to have someone you just don't like. But here lately it seems that if anyone even comes close to stepping on someone's toes they are being watched or worse yet banned. The people I am referring to have made great contributions to some threads here and now they are gone and if not yet I feel they soon will be. I can't say I blame them. I feel like leaving here because of this. I have had no problems with anyone here and honestly still don't at least on a personal level. But I feel as though some people have had their power go to there head. Watch me or ban me if you wish, because of this post I honestly don't care. I just feel as though something had to be said.

[LordKAT]

Hi Bethany,

I understand where you are coming from but disagree. There is often much more behind the scenes stuff and even posts or whole threads that we do not see. People aren't on a watched list for no reason. Some repeat the behavior that got them there, some change their ways, and others leave.

[bethany]

I do undestand that. I just think things are getting out of hand lately and some are taking things to personal..

[Jessica Merriman]

Please don't take any offense Bethany as I have not seen what you are mentioning. Maybe I have been asleep or something, but I just see Mods trying to keep peace in the family. I don't think Susan's has any more problems than other sites, in fact I see fewer. I have had nothing but positive interactions with everyone even when they and I disagree. I certainly don't want this great place to be censored, but there does have to be some intervention at times with sticky topics. I personally value your opinions and hope my comments do not cause any issue's between you and I ever.  After all, we're sisters on this crazy rock!

[Nero]

Unfortunately, sometimes members have to be banned or have other privileges provoked revoked. Sometimes there is confusion on the part of the members as to why someone was banned. This is unfortunate, but we prefer to protect the privacy of the member in question. Rarely, we may find it necessary to announce and explain the reasons behind the ban.

But as LordKAT stated so well, there is a lot that members don't see. Particularly in the case of staff or retired staff members. Someone may behave one way on the public areas of the site and another way with fellow staff on the other boards. Even if you are friends with a member here, consider that staff may see a completely different side to that person. In a dispute between two members for example, you may be only seeing one side, while staff are seeing both sides of the situation. And we are privy to private messages, boards, and other information members aren't. Usually if a person is banned, it's been a long time coming. It's used as a last resort.


Edit: typo

[suzifrommd]

May I point out that since I joined a couple years ago, this site has become more popular? That's a good thing - more people are getting access to excellent information and support.

But with more members, you're going to have more people who have trouble living within the rules that keep this site helpful, and therefore more action will be required by the moderators.

[Ltl89]

I've noticed this as well. Honestly, it upsets me that some members don't get along with one another, but there is nothing we can do.  Sometimes people can't get along with one another and there is no way to heal wounds.  While I'd like to think things could be fixed if effort is made by both injured parties in most personal conflicts, I have no idea what caused the rifts here and can't really judge the situation.  I've always been seen as the peace maker in my family because I always try to calm fights and get everyone to relax when emotions run high; however, I've seen how hard that is to do at times and often fail.  And that's when it's family.  Imagine an anonymous group of people with less emotional connection than family or friends.  Sometimes mediation isn't really possible for whatever reason.  At the end of the day, I can't judge anyone for disliking someone, but it does upset me to see there are personal conflicts on this site between people I like.  I'm sort of a "we should love everyone and try to get along hippy", but then again the hippies were overly idealistic and not practical when it came to human interactions. 

[Antonia J]

It's kind of a two edged sword. People want to be able to have strong opinions, but also you want to keep a safe and respectful environment. I think for the most part the site is pretty balanced and the mods are fair. With the number of members we have, not everyone will decide it is right for them. I kind of go to what Suzi is saying, though. The membership is growing, and I think a lot of it is the structure.

[Nero]

I've noticed this as well. Honestly, it upsets me that some members don't get along with one another, but there is nothing we can do.  Sometimes people can't get along with one another and there is no way to heal wounds.  While I'd like to think things could be fixed if effort is made by both injured parties in most personal conflicts, I have no idea what caused the rifts here and can't really judge the situation.  I've always been seen as the peace maker in my family because I always try to calm fights and get everyone to relax when emotions run high; however, I've seen how hard that is to do at times and often fail.  And that's when it's family.  Imagine an anonymous group of people with less emotional connection than family or friends.  Sometimes mediation isn't really possible for whatever reason.  At the end of the day, I can't judge anyone for disliking someone, but it does upset me to see there are personal conflicts on this site between people I like.  I'm sort of a "we should love everyone and try to get along hippy", but then again the hippies were overly idealistic and not practical when it came to human interactions.

Good points LTL.

I am also one of those 'peacemaker' types. And by the time I ban someone, believe me when I say it is loooong overdue. I'm actually accused of being too nice and lenient. So when I ban a member, believe me when I say that EVERYTHING has been tried. Every attempt has been made. And don't believe everything you hear from members with a victim complex. I'd really appreciate the benefit of the doubt that our mod team and I know what we're doing. Our mods and admins are volunteers who spend countless hours of their own time solving disputes, and doing everything they can to make this a safe and supportive space for all - while at the same time not stifling opinions and speech. It's a tall order.

Don't believe everything you hear. Especially from disgruntled and bitter ex-staff members who were dismissed (or simply not rehired after abruptly quitting leaving us high and dry) for good reason.

[Ltl89]

Good points LTL.

I am also one of those 'peacemaker' types. And by the time I ban someone, believe me when I say it is loooong overdue. I'm actually accused of being too nice and lenient. So when I ban a member, believe me when I say that EVERYTHING has been tried. Every attempt has been made. And don't believe everything you hear from members with a victim complex. I'd really appreciate the benefit of the doubt that our mod team and I know what we're doing. Our mods and admins are volunteers who spend countless hours of their own time solving disputes, and doing everything they can to make this a safe and supportive space for all - while at the same time not stifling opinions and speech. It's a tall order.

Don't believe everything you hear. Especially from disgruntled and bitter ex-staff members who were dismissed (or simply not rehired after abruptly quitting leaving us high and dry) for good reason.

Like I said, I'm not privy to a lot of information and don't know why these conflicts occur or how they originated, so I don't make any judgement.  It just saddens me to see people fight and not get along, regardless as to why it ended up that way.   Everyone has a personal bias to some degree and it's easy to not see a different perspective when you are emotionally involved in a situation; therefore, I'm sure the is reason to be suspicious of a "he said, she said" game.  Without knowing all the information at hand, we should all remain neutral and that's how I stand in all the sites conflicts.... well, except for my conflicts where I am always right! lol.   

[Ltl89]

I'm sorry to focus on this, but I really don't like fighting, especially when it happens between various people that I like and respect.  For the sake of peace and harmony of the site, I hope everyone involved in the latest drama (those banned, friends of the banned, and the banners) to all try and talk things out and heal their wounds.  I'm not taking sides and will blame no one for what's happened, but I do care where this rift may take us.  Susan's is about support.  When we fight and hold drama between one another it takes our minds off of support and causes friction.  If there is a way to heal wounds and fix broken relationships, then shouldn't we give it a chance?  At the very least, solving these things can help maintain the integrity of the site.  I'm not interested in judging anyone or asking for decisions to be reversed, but I really do hope those caught up in the latest feuds will be able to find a way to make peace with one another in some way.  I really hope everyone can try that because life is too short to hold grudges and to give up on ones family (and this is a family in my eyes).  Sorry to offend anyone, but I only want the best for everyone involved and don't like to see people hurting from conflict.  This is the place where most of us go for peace, support and acceptance.  It would be nice if we can all get along and find a way to support one another, despite past issues and personal misteps.  Hope all is well for everyone involved and you all will remain part of the family in some way.

With love,

LTL.