Trans Sugar Babies?

[Icephoenyx]

So I've seen this on tv a few times, younger women, mainly college students, going on 'sugar daddy' dating sites to find wealthier older men. I do find older men who are established to be more my type anyways.

I've considered signing up to a few, as we all know transition is super expensive, but the question is, although I am post op would you think I should be up front and honest about me being trans? I would imagine this would drastically reduce the number of hits I get but who knows?

Any thoughts? And please, I do NOT want this to turn into a debate about weather or not this is prostitution or not, weather it's moral, etc. I'm just wondering if this is something I should get into or not, given me being a tgirl.

Thanks!

[Ltl89]

So I've seen this on tv a few times, younger women, mainly college students, going on 'sugar daddy' dating sites to find wealthier older men. I do find older men who are established to be more my type anyways.

I've considered signing up to a few, as we all know transition is super expensive, but the question is, although I am post op would you think I should be up front and honest about me being trans? I would imagine this would drastically reduce the number of hits I get but who knows?

Any thoughts? And please, I do NOT want this to turn into a debate about weather or not this is prostitution or not, weather it's moral, etc. I'm just wondering if this is something I should get into or not, given me being a tgirl.

Thanks!

Disclosure is a very personal decision.   Only you can decide whether or not you want to tell someone.  You are not obligated to do anything other than what you feel is best for you.  Having said that, there are pros and cons to both situations and it differs for each of us.  I'd imagine that I will disclose when it comes to that point,  but my feelings don't apply to everyone else. Think it over and do what's right for you.  Good luck!

[Contravene]

I won''t pass judgment since you asked people not to but I will say that I think you run a very serious risk of putting yourself in danger and that risk increases if you aren't up front with the people you're meeting.

I remember a story going around the news a year or two ago about a trans woman who went on a date with a guy she met online. Everything seemed to go well until he found out later that she was trans. Apparently he thought she had purposely decieved him so on their next date he planned to beat her up, which he did, and accidentally killed her.

It's also not uncommon for homophobic and transphobic people to trawl the internet looking for people in the LGBT community they can "bash". There was an incident of that not too far from where I live. A man had arranged to meet someone he met on a LGBT friendly dating site but it turns out that the man he went to meet had only lured the him there so that he and his buddies could beat up and rob him because he was gay and they purposely used the website as a way to find new victims.

I don't mean to scare you but the dangers are very real and these types of things happen more often than they should. If you're looking for a sugar daddy and money is involved, the situation can easily go wrong whether you're trans or not but in my opinion being trans increases that risk.

[Nero]

There's nothing wrong with dating an older man. There is a reason many women are attracted to older men and resources play a part. But if a man is helping you out financially in any way, it increases the risk he will be angry upon finding out your status. Because he'll feel he's made more of an 'investment'. I think trans girls are more vulnerable to violence from male suitors for a few reasons:

• the guy is genuinely pissed because he feels misled
• the guy knows you're trans from the start and still wants you; but if problems arise, he may feel more 'justified' in doing violence against you because either he doesn't see you as a real woman or thinks he's more likely to get away with it. Basically, your transness becomes a convenient excuse both in the courts and in his own conscience.

There's a reason so much violence is committed against prostitutes (not saying hooking is the same as having a sugar daddy). Not only are they convenient targets, but killers feel more justified. For one, the law is less likely to care or investigate as thoroughly and secondly, many see them as deserving of whatever they get, subhuman, etc. Trans women are often seen much the same way by sick men.

So be careful. These kinds of relationships are riskier for trans women.

[Janae]

This kinda kind of arrangement goes on all the time. And there are many trans attracted sugar daddies, finding them is the really hard part. Most men don't just advertise what the are on web sites. I know in the NYC area they frequent the trans clubs and parties. Anywhere there are girls they'er sure to be around. Going after guys who aren't trans attracted who don't know is not only unsafe but dumb. Nothing is worth your safety so keep that in mind should you choose to do this. I know of a few girls who are into this stuff who have done VERY well for themselves so it does happen.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Mmmkay I just browsed a sugar daddy website out of curiosity. I'm pretty sure some of these people are actually pimps, mainly the kinda younger-looking ones. >.<

[Jessica Merriman]

OOPS! Thought this was a candy thread for Trans genders.

On the serious side, as a former Cop. Please stay away from sites like those. No amount of money or goodies is worth the risk of your life, which is invaluable! These sites reek of desperation.

[overdrive]

I'm assuming you are MTF if not then I apologize, just reverse the sex I mention below to apply:

I'm not going to comment on the risks, morality, etc of such a site as you had asked not to. But what I will say is that its your choice on how much if anything you reveal. If you've had both top and bottom surgery, I see no reason to reveal anything. Any hormones you're taking can easily be explained away as you have a hormone imbalance, infertility you can easily say you had a medical reason such as endomitriosis which required a hysto.

While we always say we are our intended gender and not our gender assigned at birth, if you are post op... well IMHO you are biologically a female now too. I straddle the line of should I say anything or not and I'm not post-op but I'm also not looking for new long term sexual relationship at this point in my life, if I was I think it would be pretty much impossible pre-op to remain stealth.

[Natkat]

Well dated a few older guys, (but not wealthy)

I think no matter who you date, (unless it someone in the comunety who already knows your trans) then you must figure out how you prefern. there good and bad points in comming out before meeting.

personally I prefern either telling before meeting or have 1 small meeting first then tell later online.

[vlmitchell]

It's a toss up as to whether I'd recommend this kind of thing or not. I have no issues with it morally but I *will* say that there's a risk that you're taking. That said, the risk is there in sites like this or just general online dating or dating in the real world or walking down the street so, it's up to you to decide on the level of risk that you're willing to take.

As far as disclosure goes, I'd make sure to disclose the history before meeting someone who you want anything to do with that'll involve sex. I don't think it's their 'right' to know or anything but it's certainly a measure that I take with all new partners due to safety. If someone finds out after the fact, it can get very, very dangerous.

Last, just make sure that you can handle this. Anyone wanting an arrangement like this is looking for a toy. If you can handle (or even like) being objectified and think that you're interesting enough to keep a man's attention for a while, go for it. If you still have a lot of emotions all over the place or find that you're in drama a lot, you may be in for a world of trouble.

[MadeleineG]

Not to sound judgmental, but a relationship like this has an imbalanced power dynamic by definition. Who wants that?

If you don't have respect, balance, and equality, you have fertile ground for abuse.

[Ltl89]

Not to sound judgmental, but a relationship like this has an imbalanced power dynamic by definition. Who wants that?

If you don't have respect, balance, and equality, you have fertile ground for abuse.

It's not my cup of tea either, but I've seen it work for some people.  It depends on what your looking for in a relationship.  Most of these relationships are people looking for something with little emotional attachment.  If you are looking for something stable and serious, then it's a bit more problematic, especially when the trans element is factored in.  But like I said it depends. 

[yaka]

I do know of a few pre-op MTFs with this arrangement, and it works for them (some even had boyfriends on the side!). If you're pre-op, only go for sugar daddies who are trans attracted, if you're post bottom op, no reason to disclose IMO.

Sometimes wish there was a bigger market for daddies or mamas interested in transmen

[Miss_Bungle1991]

I would never do that. I don't care if I was offered a million bucks. Screw that noise.

[Shantel]

Morality aside, as a post-op you could do that but you'd have to be up front with the guy. The question I have would be how really honest and sincere could such a relationship really be? I think that if you are really honest with yourself you would really not be happy with Mr. Wrinkly just for the sake of financial security. He might be showing you off to his old fart buddies as his trophy ->-bleeped-<-. You should really give this more thought!

[justpat]

   There is much more to life then money and material things, think of the future and where you really want to be in 10-20-30 years.True love will get you there.