Handling Hecklers

[Mx Pippa]

So Girls and Guys, anyone got any special tips for handling those who are out to try and embarrass you?

I was working in one of my local pubs last Saturday night. After closing the duty bar manager offered me a lift home, but she fancied a burger on the way to the car.

She locked up and we headed across to the late night kabab shop, which was only a couple of doors from a local night club so was packed with youngsters. As we approached a lad sat outside with his mates, called out "->-bleeped-<-". To my amazement, I just responded by singing out the words of some Sham69 punk song that was lodged in my brain after playing it for someone earlier, straight at them. This just sent them in to a fit laughter as we entered the shop.

Despite there being about 40 to 50 youngsters around, no one else appeared to be bothered in the least by my presents. The guy that served me made a joke about charging me £250 for the burger, to which I replied that I'd give him 5 pence down then 5 pence a month for the next 10 years, (maths was never really my scene). All in all the atmosphere in the place was great, just that one idiot on the approach to the shop.

On this occasion the best policy seemed to be to ignore the problem, and just let everyone else see even a transgender has a fun personality like everyone else. Just stick to being yourself.

[amber1964]

I have never had this happen to me Im happy to say. But, you handled it pretty well I think. Your only other choice was to ignore it totally as if it didnt even apply to you.

BTW I think you look great and plenty of cis females would be thrilled to look as good as you.

[ChelseaAnn]

Not sure how he pegged you as trans. If that's your picture, I wouldn't take a second guess.

[suzifrommd]

Not ever happened to me. I've only gotten looks. No one has said anything.

I think what I would do would depend on the situation. Ideally I'd like to humanize myself - to show them that transgender folk are living, breathing, thinking, feeling human beings and not some carnival sideshow. If I felt it wouldn't be dangerous, I might consider engaging the person. Ask them how they think it makes me feel to use a disrespectful term.

If I felt in danger, I would just ignore them, or perhaps give them a prolonged disdainful glance to show them I wasn't afraid of them, before turning away.

[Brooke777]

Early in my transition, I was out on a double date with people I had just met. I was wearing a skirt and heels. A guy walked up to me with his friends and said "Dude, you're wearing a skirt!" Without missing a beat, I looked down and said "Holy S**T! I thought they were just really loose pants!" This caused everyone around to bust out laughing except the guy that had said it.

The point of this is that I find humor is a great way to diffuse the situation, and make the jerk feel like a tool. In a situation like the one you described, I would have made some sort of a joke around a car dropping it transmission. Just a thought.

[big kim]

I was a bus driver and 3 chavs got on,when I gave them their change the last one said "Thanks Barbara in a gruff growly voice"(this was when The League of Gentlemen was on TV).I waited til they stopped laughing and replied"You need 2 things to be a successful comedian,talent and ambition,unfortunately you have neither"He went bright red as the whole bus and his mates laughed at him.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

When it happened to me, I would just roll my eyes, wish death upon them and go on my way.

[Jill F]

Not proud of it, but I did punch a guy square in the face just before I got my T tanked.  Don't think I could bring myself to do that again unless I was physically attacked.

I'm 6'2" and still have guy muscles left over.  Who wants some? (Just kidding.)

Next time I'll just say, "You need to work better on your pickup lines, loser."

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Not proud of it, but I did punch a guy square in the face just before I got my T tanked.  Don't think I could bring myself to do that again unless I was physically attacked.

I'm 6'2" and still have guy muscles left over.  Who wants some? (Just kidding.)

Next time I'll just say, "You need to work better on your pickup lines, loser."

I never had things get to that level but there were many times in the past that I was thankful for not carrying a firearm. That could have been ugly.

[Mx Pippa]

Thanks to Amber1964, and ChelseaAnn for the nice compliments. But please remember ChelseaAnn that a photograph is two dimensional while people see us in three dimension, pictures do deceive a touch.

The point of this is that I find humor is a great way to diffuse the situation, and make the jerk feel like a tool. In a situation like the one you described, I would have made some sort of a joke around a car dropping it transmission. Just a thought.

Can't agree with you more on that Brooke. One of mine that always gets a laugh when I bump into an old friend in the pub or where ever is " Hi, I was a young man the last time I saw you. Now look at the state of me"

One thing to add to "Jill Fs" post, is that one thing I learned when I used to hang around with other trans gals/guys in our pubs in Bournemouth's Triangle district. Is that you, or they just don't know what's under all that make-up. I've met a few girls who have been quite tough nuts in their male pasts. I was never one by far, but I do find as long as you project confidence, humor and loads of smiling eye contact, they don't know what to think of you. I've even found they get curious, and what to chat with you, which leads to them getting to know the real you, and gaining a lot of respect for you for being brave enough to get out there and be yourself.

[Emmaline]

 

Always carry a chainsaw.

[Amy1988]

So Girls and Guys, anyone got any special tips for handling those who are out to try and embarrass you?

I was working in one of my local pubs last Saturday night. After closing the duty bar manager offered me a lift home, but she fancied a burger on the way to the car.

She locked up and we headed across to the late night kabab shop, which was only a couple of doors from a local night club so was packed with youngsters. As we approached a lad sat outside with his mates, called out "->-bleeped-<-". To my amazement, I just responded by singing out the words of some Sham69 punk song that was lodged in my brain after playing it for someone earlier, straight at them. This just sent them in to a fit laughter as we entered the shop.

Despite there being about 40 to 50 youngsters around, no one else appeared to be bothered in the least by my presents. The guy that served me made a joke about charging me £250 for the burger, to which I replied that I'd give him 5 pence down then 5 pence a month for the next 10 years, (maths was never really my scene). All in all the atmosphere in the place was great, just that one idiot on the approach to the shop.

On this occasion the best policy seemed to be to ignore the problem, and just let everyone else see even a transgender has a fun personality like everyone else. Just stick to being yourself.

Fortunately I haven't had any problems.  I pass pretty easily so most people don't know.  The problem I have is that I don't speak when I have interact with people and so they think I'm rude.

[Jayne]

My best reply to a heckler do far was when some bloke said to his mate "I wouldn't shag that" in a voice meant for everyone to hear, I responded loud & proud "I know you wouldn't shag me, i've got standards & you're well beneath them", he obviously wasn't happy that I turned the situation around and put him on the recieving end of his mates laughter as he then had the cheek to say I had a bad attitude, at that point I went off the deep end with a stern lecture that he had the attitude & if he didn't want to be on the recieving end of my "attitude" then he should keep his big, stupid mouth firmly shut.

If people stare then I give them the tried & tested "Paddington hard stare" until they break eye contact

[Mx Pippa]

Always carry a chainsaw.

Messy, could put me right off the burger. 

[Emmaline]

Well that's the nice thing about a chainsaw... deterrant.  And who doesn't look badass eating a burger with a chainsaw in the other?  [giggle]

But seriously, I guess it is really a thing you have to judge situation by situation.  Have a few smart replies in your bag... maybe a leaflet on the condition for some who back down and are genuinely interested... I dunno.

For me, personally I am hoping I can hold myself from going full time until I pass and avoid transphobic heckling... and just have to deal with 'guys hitting on girls' heckling.

For all other situations...