My problem with men

[Lana P]

Ok so since I have beeing trans this seems to be a biggy. I've always been into men for the most part. But my biggest pet peeve is that most men Id say 95% of them are only into sex and not really into dating. When it comes to transwomen who have penises. Where I am the men in my city are only into us for sexual reasons. But then men that I have talked to online in the states are into relationships. But then some of the men that are into dating that are near me I'm not attracted too.

I think "->-bleeped-<- porn" has ruined it for us who decide to keep are penises because most men 95% of them think we can do what they do in porn and that is so not the case because of hormone medication or having orchiectomies and such. But I still have hope that I would be able to find a guy that is into me to date then just have casual sex. I mean if I wanted sex that is so easy to find because so many men want to sleep with me because I have what they have down below but to find someone to date that is like finding a needle in a hay stack LOL.

Anyone else have man problems?
Chime in please.

[Tristan]

in the past this was a problem for me too at least to a point. when i was pre op i was not going to have sex. the method of doing it pre op was just not it for me. so i would just date guys ands see where things went. some i got board with and some got board with me. others their was just no connection from the start. i found out that if you hold off on telling them your trans at least for the first two dates they get to know you better.  once i became post op though and was into sex things did change for the better. now for the most part i run into the same kind of guys most woman run into. but thats not always such a good thing since men can be such dogs

[Lana P]

Yes yes they can be I think most men are that is what Im learning

[Lauren5]

Ugh, I get the same issue. Guy either aren't into me because of the extraneous tissue, or they are only into me because of it. I just want to be a regular girl, jeez boys!

[Shantel]

Most men are sexually driven to satisfy an urge and aren't into touchy-feely relationships where they have to show emotion or even be emotionally available at any time. Luckily most don't use clubs to whack a gal over the head and drag her into the man cave. Some are into kinky stuff and get turned on by the surprise package that comes with a pre-op or non-op MtF.

Most cis women and trans-women as well who are into men desire a warm, cuddly emotional connection that is mutual, as opposed to just being ravaged once in awhile, becoming a repository for his goo.

That latter type of relationship takes some time and nurturing, smart girls take their time and start out as just friends and learn to hang out with him and do non-sex related things that they wouldn't necessarily normally be interested in for a starter. Something has to click in his brain where he suddenly decides that you're fun to be with and he really likes you for you and not just for a quickie one night stand.

[Tristan]

the trick is once you find a guy that you like and really does like you. then you have to train him. let him know whats ok and whats not ok. you can even use a reward system

[big kim]

Most of the men I've been involved with were just interested in sex and I was a dirty little secret to be hidden away in case their mates found out.Someone to screw because their girlfriend was having a period,it took me a while to work out how come I only ever saw him for 3 or 4 days in the month.

[amber1964]

If you want something more than sex or someone who does not fetishize your genitals then they have to be changed. Otherwise they will 99.9% of the time be an issue. Its just how men are. I have a nice male partner, my current anatomy fascinates him but I have never and would never allow him to touch me there. I wonder if he will hang around once it gets - removed - changed - corrected. I guess I will know pretty soon.

I was watching a show on television about very large (obese) women who underwent gastric bypass surgery. In almost every case there relationships ended because there male partners were attracted to them because they were so unusually large. It made me feel sad. In a real way they were transitioning just like we do.

[suzifrommd]

If you want something more than sex or someone who does not fetishize your genitals then they have to be changed. Otherwise they will 99.9% of the time be an issue.

Dunno. That statement sounds a bit extreme to me.

I know several pre-op/non-op trans women who have very satisfying, loving relationships with men. They're certainly not one in a thousand.

[amber1964]

Its just an expression.So maybe its 98% or 95% or 90%, my point stands. But maybe its just me. Those relationships never seem to last and I work with young trans women, almost universally beautiful. Most get there hearts broken.

[Brooke777]

the trick is once you find a guy that you like and really does like you. then you have to train him. let him know whats ok and whats not ok. you can even use a reward system

So basically, if we treat men like dogs, then they will be loyal...like a dog. Hm...interesting. 

[Ltl89]

This is what I'm afraid will happen to me once I start trying to date.  It seems like it's really hard to find a guy while being pre-op.  I know some people that found a way around it, but it's not that way for everyone.  And while I believe there are plenty of loving and accepting men out there, it seems much harder to find when your trans. Then again, I haven't really started dating, so maybe things won't be so bad.  Just gotta have faith.

Good luck to everyone out there.  Even though I haven't been out on the field yet, I do feel your pain.  Hope you find someone special!

[Brooke777]

This is what I'm afraid will happen to me once I start trying to date.  It seems like it's really hard to find a guy while being pre-op.  I know some people that found a way around it, but it's not that way for everyone.  And while I believe there are plenty of loving and accepting men out there, it seems much harder to find when your trans. Then again, I haven't really started dating, so maybe things won't be so bad.  Just gotta have faith.

Good luck to everyone out there.  Even though I haven't been out on the field yet, I do feel your pain.  Hope you find someone special!

I haven't found it too difficult to find people to date while being pre-op. Personally, I don't think it's any harder for us than for anyone else. Then again, I am kind of a hopeless optimist.

[kellibra]

i have always been attracted to women but this has changed dramatically over the past 2 years. as i get more comfortable with my inner female self i still admire and want to be close to women but i also want to emulate them, be like them. not just emotionally but physically as well. so while not yet on hrt, i am beginning to feel attracted to guys. very strange. maybe it's the anticipation of starting the road to becoming a woman and testing myself to see how i feel?

this being said, men still repulse me because we know them too well don't we? by and large, they are sexual beasts with urges to satisfy and have little emotional connection to what makes a woman tick. women have told me i behave sexually very different than typical guys as i really feel i know what i would want in a man and so am able to project it on a woman and please her. does that make any sense?

when i assume more of a female attitude when dressed i am scared of men and their potential reactions. this is why i tend to congregate with women and teenage girls because i feel at ease around them and i want so much for them to adopt me in their fold. i also feel this way about TSs but because we are such a rare breed, i haven't really met one yet. in the meantime, i keep dreaming about being taken as a woman as i evolve. i think i would be a straight girl at heart.

[amber1964]

Thats the problem with sexuality. Women of any kind just dont do it for me. Me have their faults, but I like they way they smell, how they are big and protecting and possessive and insecure and funny and even sometimes foolish. I like their stubble and hairy chests and laugh at how they think I care about how clever they are. Im strongly attracted to them physically.

Women, nothing. For friends yes, going shopping, having lunch out, just gabbing over a cup of coffee. But physically? Nothing, not even in the slightest. In my old life I had sex with them but couldnt wait to get rid of them afterwards. My man can stay and wrap his big protective arms around me and I sleep better at night.

[Lana P]

Before I switched I was a gay guy and for the most part it was easy could get sex easily. But and I mean BUT it was hard to date because nobody my age wanted to date. Now being a trans female. Its hard to find guys to date does not matter age. However the guys that want to date me I'm not attracted too. So Its kind of a piss off LOL

[amber1964]

Just be patient Lana. Your attractive and young. Your anatomy is an issue, it does make things harder, but not impossible. In any case its better to be alone and happy than attached and miserable.

[Lana P]

amber1964 explain Your anatomy is an issue? how so?

[Chaos]

I wasn't sure if I should chime in here but I did want to point out a few things from most of the comments.

1) its very hard to find a partner when going in with the worst outlook or resentment toward said person.
Its true that 'many' men are pigs but speaking from a male perspective,why would I want to commite to someone who see's me in such a negative light,all because of the image that male pricks created? I think we need to start seeing what we want and believing for that and not the negative.
2) like the above,if its true that commitment is effected by a negative image regarding 'she males' or mtf's all together,then I feel that more negativity will only strengthen that image.

You are someone seeking love and commitement,not someone 'you know' will treat you bad or use you.so please go in with faith,an open mind and heart,giving them the benefit of a doubt and if it doesn't work,do the same with the next.I can assure you that with the right mindset and outlook,you WILL find someone worth having.if you look to the sky and only see black,then the sun will never shine.

[amber1964]

Lana,

Read my post here #7. It is self explanatory.