My problem with men

[nonameyet]

ive gotta say. even as an mtf im actually kind of offended at the shallow 'men need to be molded' mentality displayed here.

i get that everyones experiences are different but thats exactly the kind of thinking that puts feminism into obscurity.

the 'all men are pigs becaue they stereotype women' kinda thing just sets women back. trans and cis.
and treating men as sex crazed naive stupid puppy dogs who need trainingdoesnt help either. so. two quick rants in one but its the general attitude  that sets us back is what im getting at.

[Emmaline]

I am not into guys, but pre HRT and open to all the changes it brings.  It worries me that I will flip entirely, (though I know its more likely to expand my tastes than flip them- but some girls report that it happens) because I have seen the mans side of the world, and detested what most of them thought or behaved when it came to their partners.    Plus I understand what a powerful force testosterone can be on decision making.  Right?    I pashed a few guys, but it only reinforced my preference for girls.

Mind you, a lot of that bad behavior may have to do with fasle bravado and changing room posturing.  It may be different when alone with them, but for the most part... still a huge concern.  That ontop of the reduced dating pool and ->-bleeped-<-s... uhg... not envious.  I am not sure I want a partner I have to train either.

Anyway, happily dyke-ity, dyke- dyke at the moment-and my wife is still sticking around (fingers crossed, bless her- it has to be hard)...  but wanted to chime in the point about seeing the otherside of male behavior.

But hugs girl... remember there are all sorts of people in the world... look at us, after all... and even if he is a one in a million... there are billions on the planet, right?

Good luck

[Tristan]

yeah i know some dont like it when a statement is made like men can be such dogs but its true. and as a woman you really do have to be careful because of that. i thought for a while growing up i could handle myself when it came to guys in any situation despite what my mom, sister and other girls were telling me. haha was i so wrong and kinda found out the hard way. but yes so many men do see sex as a big starting pointing. and molding guys? when it comes to dating long term for keeps its a must for men and woman. you have to let them know what you like and dont like. they will be the first to tell you ," woman i cant read minds! you want something speak up. you dont like something tell me!" haha . but hey maybe that way is for me and the girls i grew up with and hang out with? to each there own.

[Emmaline]

Moulding... I like that.  Jeessh... I AM such a girl.  lol.

[amber1964]

Mostly it just comes from the simple fact that men and women are not the same. They dont think the same, there brains arent the same, there perceptions are different. The biggest mistake women make is in expecting men to be like they are. They are not, they cant be. To me thats a good thing, my nightmare would be dating another female and dealing with her sensitivity and feelings. I dont think all men are dogs, thats a little strong. But if you think they pick up on subtle signals like females do then your gonna be disappointed.

Emma - It happens. Dont worry over it. If it does it will be because you want it. Im a lot happier as a heterosexual female.

[Brooke777]

ive gotta say. even as an mtf im actually kind of offended at the shallow 'men need to be molded' mentality displayed here.

i get that everyones experiences are different but thats exactly the kind of thinking that puts feminism into obscurity.

the 'all men are pigs becaue they stereotype women' kinda thing just sets women back. trans and cis.
and treating men as sex crazed naive stupid puppy dogs who need trainingdoesnt help either. so. two quick rants in one but its the general attitude  that sets us back is what im getting at.

I apologize to you if my comment about treating men as though they were pets offended you. I meant it in good fun, and was not serious in any way.

[Lana P]

amber1964 sorry but your wrong you don't have to change your private parts in order to find a partner. Yes many men do put us on a fantasy level but there are many men who have relationships with trans women who still dont change their private parts. They are just harder to come across. That is all.

[BunnyBee]

Dating is very tricky if you are pre-op and into straight men and ->-bleeped-<-s creep you out.  Not impossible but tricky.

[MadelineB]

Men are pretty awesome actually. And if you are only seeing horndogs with no interest in a relationship, you might be looking in the wrong place, or be holding assumptions that cause you to overlook men who are perfect for you.
Straight men who would be happy to have, or prefer, a relationship or a life with a pre-op non-op woman, even if they were only 3% of the male population,  will outnumber us 10 to 1. And I believe the numbers are much higher. The challenge is just how to meet them and how to not overlook them when we do meet.
And don't forget bisexual men. They are at least five percent of the male population, outnumbering us 15 to 1, and most would gladly fall in love with the right trans woman.
I find being active and getting out, doing group activities around common interests, and being yourself, you will attract good men. But if you are looking for stereotypical males, or in other words are still buying in to male stereotypes, you will ignore, overlook, intimidate, or put off the kind of intelligent, affectionate, thoughtful, sensitive guys who adore us.

Do them a favor, help them find and love you. You are the woman of a good man's dreams.

[amber1964]

I sincerely hope you are right Lana and its altogether possible the fault is with me. Im one difficult piece of work, no doubt about it and really opinionated with a great big mouth to boot. It takes one special person to get past all of that and see some of the really good qualities I have. I suck at relationships, being blunt here, truly and its one of the big regrets in my life. Some people are just better off alone. One thing for sure your positive attitude is way better than what I have.

You keep looking and stay positive. Im sure there is someone nice out there for you who wont give a care for whats between your legs which is how it should be. Im just being a big sour puss and doing a good job of rubbing you the wrong way which i really dont want to do.

[Edge]

I highly doubt the people who want to be in relationships (regardless of gender) would want to be with someone who views them as someone to be "trained" and who views them as sex crazed pigs. Heck, who would even want to be friends with someone who views them like that?
A healthy relationship requires mutual respect. One cannot have that if they can't respect the other person.

[Shantel]

I highly doubt the people who want to be in relationships (regardless of gender) would want to be with someone who views them as someone to be "trained" and who views them as sex crazed pigs. Heck, who would even want to be friends with someone who views them like that?
A healthy relationship requires mutual respect. One cannot have that if they can't respect the other person.

Amen to that line of thought! 

[nonameyet]

I apologize to you if my comment about treating men as though they were pets offended you. I meant it in good fun, and was not serious in any way.

not looking at any comment in particular. just annoyed as i always have been with the general negative attitude toward men.

its just frustrating because aside from the fact that women turn themselves into total hypocrites and total (insert word of choice)'s when they act like that. again no one in particular.

'hes always judging me and comparing me to other women. all he wants is sex and hes always trying to change me.' and then the next breath will be how muscled some other guy was and how her man needs to get in shape and learn better moves in bed. and shell finish it off with 'all men are just pigs'

its so F____ING FRUSTRATING

[Lana P]

I don't think all men are pigs. However I do think most of them are haha. I love men but I love men with muscles who work out who are tall. I also love men with tattoos and can cook and are funny. I do think it takes a special kind of guy to be with a trans women regardless of what she has between her legs. I think trans women are hyper sensitive more so then cis women. I don't think we are that easy to deal with. And we are lucky if we do end up with a partner of either genders.

It is true that it is hard to meet the right type of people. I don't however think it is easy for anyone to find someone to date regardless of gender and sexuality. In this day and age dating means hooking up on the first date almost. And to take it slow and not sleep together so quickly people are like why not.

[Chaos]

Being Trans' aside,I have had a male mentality all my life and male thought process.its true we are made different but I can promise you that not every man is a pig.I have treated my gf's like queens in every way.I dare consider myself very rare in such respects but it be even fair,woman do have a lot of emotional baggage (and for good reason to all the pigs) but unless those woman are willing to get rid of it,let the past go and try to get rid of the negative steriotypes,no good man will ever be willing to carry the baggage caused by another man.a good man wants a loving,confident,strong woman that will complete him,not dominate him.I know its hard sometimes but it is worth the effort.I mean if that kind of thing is an instant turn off for me as a good man then I wonder what it is for those who are cis.and that's the honest truth of it.and I dare say that this mentality is one reason it makes it very hard for me to be interested in any mft or stomach such lack of acceptance.the person should pay for their wrong doing,not an entire majority.I really hope things change though.

[Lana P]

I personally have 5% hope in the 5% of men are are good. I know they are out there its finding them that is the problem LOL. I'm also a hopeless romantic so I do believe there is someone out there for me. It is just hard when you walk into or kiss so many frogs. I give props to guys who don't ask me sexual questions right off the bat LOL. Then again I do most of my dating online because it's just easier to share about my self. Some sites I use are for trans and other sites I have used is for non trans. I just tend to put that I am who I am on my profile. And gamble it that way.

[Edge]

Hmm. I think I understand what you mean, Lana. When I was presenting as female, I had that kind of problem with guys too. It does make things seem bleak. Not to mention, there is a lot of emphasis on sex. Personally, I wish there wasn't as much, but that may just be me.
I've had problems with women before too.
Maybe that's why people start hating humanity. People are much more interesting when viewed as individuals though. I'm rambling. Oops.

[Tristan]

Hmm. I think I understand what you mean, Lana. When I was presenting as female, I had that kind of problem with guys too. It does make things seem bleak. Not to mention, there is a lot of emphasis on sex. Personally, I wish there wasn't as much, but that may just be me.
I've had problems with women before too.
Maybe that's why people start hating humanity. People are much more interesting when viewed as individuals though. I'm rambling. Oops.

idk about the whole hating humanity thing and i ant say i have ever dated a woman. but yeah with guys as a woman you can have problems. and the worst part is some of them really just dont understand that it is a problem. its why they always told us in class (high school) be firm when you tell guys something and b clear. no mixed signals and repeat yourself if necessary. i love guys but we can have our issues from time to time. its why theirs so many movies and books about them. not to mention magazine articles.

[LJP]

I'm not interested in dating a man. It's not that they are pigs, I'm just not attracted to them physically. Personally I think it's not right to lump all men together, same with women. I myself have made the mistake of thinking there is something better than what I have. Looking back that mindset kept me from having something good with a few persons. I guess I'm saying it's not all ways the other persons fault. Being trans takes all the problems cis ppl have and makes things even more difficult, but I think there is happiness out there for all of us.

[Lana P]

LJP I agree for happiness for all