Everything boiling down, can't take it anymore.

[Lauren5]

So all would seem nice, right? I'm living full time, I've got a second approval for HRT and can start pretty much anytime I want.

But no, not everything is at all as it seems.

After over a month, I finally got to see a therapist that was covered by my insurance and would authorise me for hormones. Therapy is covered. Doctor's visits are covered. Hormones are not.After spending $215 on textbooks, I now have only $45 to my name. And I'm still not done buying supplies for classes. There's so many things I need, and I simply cannot afford them until the end of the month, when I can expect a tax return check in the neighborhood of $500, to last me until who knows when. That includes paying for hormones, expanding my wardrobe (which only consists of 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of lower and upper undergarments, 3-4 tops, 1 pair of jeans, a belt, a cami, and a sweater,) food for over spring break, and laser treatment for at least my face, if not my arms and legs as well, the last of which do not enjoy being shaved at all, and other miscellaneous things.

Not only money, but there's so much I have given up in order to pursue my only dream that hasn't exploded into oblivion. The love of my mother and my sister, friends, the trust of my father, a decent GPA, the man I loved who I thought loved me back but instead ran off with an ugly slut and now they're engaged. Everything just is futile, like it's never going to make any difference. Like I'm still going to have to stay in the men's dorms, use the men's showers, I can't live like this anymore. It seems everyone who I love has left and doesn't care enough for me anymore. I've done so much give, I'm ready for some take, please.

Note that I'm not asking for a handout, just a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a body to hug, and maybe some way to move forward without putting myself into reverse.

[LordKAT]

Oh Willow, Sounds like a very low spot.

Hormones can be gotten from Walmart and I understand that many of them are on their $4 thing. I never tried it but it is a thought.

Plenty of hugs for you. (Never mind the KAT hair.) You are a wonderful person. It can be hard to be strong and feel so alone. You aren't really alone though, you have made many friends here. I sort of suck at the friend bit but I do have shoulders to cry on.

It is odd that insurance won't cover your HRT. I wonder if that is from how it was coded by your doctor.

I wish I could help you out to at least get started. Unfortunately I am hanging on by the goodwill of friends as it is. That darn lottery has not been kind to me either, I couldn't even get $5 back.

[Lauren5]

Thanks for being here when you are, KAT, you always seem to come when I need it and try your best to help me feel better.

I'm not sure if that's a WalMart thing or if it needs to be accepted by your insurance. I'll be sure to check it out, though. I was kinda hoping to take the implants route though, but what has to be done has to be done in the sake of simple survival.

You're one of the few, I'm not too very well liked. Even when I'm with my "friends" I feel third wheelish, like I'm just tagging along and not really cared about by them, just "there."

Not surprised at all, GID/GD wasn't on the list of conditions that estradiol and spiro are covered for. My insurance doesn't recognise transgender as a thing; military insurance from dad. I'd switch off, but I can't afford to.

I appreciate the thought, but like I said, I'm not looking for a handout. I have a dad who makes over six figures and should be helping me out but instead is off spending his money on alcohol and women that are not his wife.

[LordKAT]

If it can be coded as simply hormone imbalance, which many docs do, then it might get covered. My insurance won't cover any trans related health care, but my hormones get covered. The blood work gets covered under other medical issues. It can't hurt to ask your doctor how it was coded.

Third wheel friends are good. I think most of us have or do feel that way.

[Lauren5]

My GP at the school clinic refuses to label it as such. The bloodwork, thankfully, will, since the doctor is covered.
I'm going to look and see if there's a doctor off campus who will do HRT, but I really don't want to go through the battle to find a doctor who will cover my insurance. It's just not profitable, as the closest military bases are 4 hour drives away.

I want to feel like a genuine friend though. I feel as if I'm relegated to just following people and trying to get a word in edgewise once and a while.

[LordKAT]

I want to feel like a genuine friend though. I feel as if I'm relegated to just following people and trying to get a word in edgewise once and a while.

You seem pretty genuine to me. I only talk on days ending in 'y'.

[Lauren5]

Sure, genuine on the internet, because I tell everyone that I am honest and trustworthy. IRL, it's not the same, I'm not trusted when I say I'm trustworthy and not believed when I claim to be honest.

[LordKAT]

I think you come across as honest.

[Joan]

I remember you helping me out with something when I first joined the site, off your own bat when I hadn't asked you. I think we were talking about shoes I really appreciated that. I get nothing but good vibes from you.

It sounds like you're in a bit of a bind. I can't offer you anything more than a few words and my empathy. I hope things get better for you soon.

[King Malachite]

So all would seem nice, right? I'm living full time, I've got a second approval for HRT and can start pretty much anytime I want.

But no, not everything is at all as it seems.

After over a month, I finally got to see a therapist that was covered by my insurance and would authorise me for hormones. Therapy is covered. Doctor's visits are covered. Hormones are not.After spending $215 on textbooks, I now have only $45 to my name. And I'm still not done buying supplies for classes. There's so many things I need, and I simply cannot afford them until the end of the month, when I can expect a tax return check in the neighborhood of $500, to last me until who knows when. That includes paying for hormones, expanding my wardrobe (which only consists of 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of lower and upper undergarments, 3-4 tops, 1 pair of jeans, a belt, a cami, and a sweater,) food for over spring break, and laser treatment for at least my face, if not my arms and legs as well, the last of which do not enjoy being shaved at all, and other miscellaneous things.

Not only money, but there's so much I have given up in order to pursue my only dream that hasn't exploded into oblivion. The love of my mother and my sister, friends, the trust of my father, a decent GPA, the man I loved who I thought loved me back but instead ran off with an ugly slut and now they're engaged. Everything just is futile, like it's never going to make any difference. Like I'm still going to have to stay in the men's dorms, use the men's showers, I can't live like this anymore. It seems everyone who I love has left and doesn't care enough for me anymore. I've done so much give, I'm ready for some take, please.

Note that I'm not asking for a handout, just a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a body to hug, and maybe some way to move forward without putting myself into reverse.

I'm sorry that you are going through this.  I wish I knew the perfect advice for you.  Just try to prioritize your needs and take things one at a time.  That man who left you seems like a prick.  I understand how you feel though as I too have had partners that ran into the arms of someone else.  -HUGS-