A day in the life of a transsexual person

[Joe.]

I am doing a project in which I have to describe a day in the life of a transsexual person. I am planning to do one for trans women and one for trans men. I understand that whilst they share similar experiences e.g. toilets, they also face very different issues. Also, whilst I would love to include everybody who falls under the trans umbrella, I have been specifically asked for it on these 2 identities.

I would hugely appreciate if you could give me experiences or problems you face in your every day life. It can be big or small, I will be looking to use every single thing mentioned here.

Thanks.

[smile_jma]

When I have to go out, I have to make sure I go to the bathroom before I leave the house. I don't want stares or anything worse in the public space. If I DO have to go in a coffee shop or restaurant or something, I try to go when I see there are not many people using it at that time. Difficult to do, but you have to keep scanning and paying attention.

I don't do makeup yet, so i can't comment on that yet. But the bathroom is my biggest hurdle in public. Besides voice issues.

[kelly_aus]

I live the life of a woman.. I have most of the normal issues a woman faces..

As for anything specifically trans related, I've got nothing..

[Jessica Merriman]

I live the life of a woman.. I have most of the normal issues a woman faces..

Exactly Kelly! I do not consider myself a special or different class of person as well, just a woman trying to make it in the world. I do not dwell on or think about how I was born or whether I pass, just paying bills, home upkeep, pretty normal things. I am not trans, I am a woman with a different life history than most. If you want Joe, PM me if you are interested in the struggles I faced to get to this point though. That is where the real story about trans people is. 

[Misato]

Roughly: Get up, wash, go to work, leave work, do stuff with friends, go home, go to bed.

Day to day life is, as others have said, pretty typical these days. The daily struggles, as Jessica pointed out, were there while accepting myself. Now there is flow.

[Ltl89]

Most of my current struggle are financial.  Mainly "how will I pay for that" and fear about my economic stability.  Sadly, transitioning is only a fraction of my finances.  And my job status is in question so I'm afraid I'll be discriminated at a new work place whereas my current job is really accepting and everyone already has an idea about what's goign on. 

Other than that, my big issue is family.  How will they adapt?  If I do something to offend, how bad will it be this time?  Will they ever accept me and love me unconditionally like they once did?

There is some occasional anxiety and depression that comes into play, but most of that is due to my inability to get over my fears which leads me to beat myself up. 

[Jessica Merriman]

I am not trying to be a problem maker or disrespect anyone's value system here, but why are so many willing to deny themselves in order to comfort others who do not live your life? I know we are not wild animals, but we could all take a hint from wildlife. While there are some species that are family and community oriented most are not. When the young get to a certain ability to fend for themselves they are "encouraged" to leave and get out of the house. It was nice to birth you and raise you, but if you come into my territory I will hurt you. The parents they do not give a toot what their young do at that point because it does not effect them at all what Mr. or Ms. animal does or becomes in life. They don't take it personally if the young grow up to be different than they are "supposed" to be. We humans have to get over ourselves. We are just one virus away from finding out just how "unimportant" we are no matter what we think. I am going to live the rest of my life happy, free and without guilt and my family (which shunned me) and friends need to do the same. I would hate to think that living life means to be an assimilation into categories and life long repression.

[Jayne]

Hi Joe, feel free to use anything i've mentioned in my pm's to you, don't worry about revealing anything private as no-one will know where the experiences came from.
If you have any questions or if you've deleted old pm's then as always, feel free to pm me.

Whilst it's not an average days experience for a MTF who does not & can not pass I do have to deal with abuse & threats of violence from time to time so you may wish to mention that to highlight the negative end of the spectrum, phobic attitudes normaly happen when i'm in your part of town but as you've mentioned yourself it's not the friendliest part of this city to be trans in.

[Jayne]

I am not trying to be a problem maker or disrespect anyone's value system here, but why are so many willing to deny themselves in order to comfort others who do not live your life?

I find neither your post or opinion disrespectfull.
I don't deny myself to comfort others but I do hide my trans status as much as I can tolerate, I don't do this to comfort others but to protect myself.

I know we are not wild animals, but we could all take a hint from wildlife. They don't take it personally if the young grow up to be different than they are "supposed" to be. 

Your comparison between us & the animal kingdom doesn't take into account the fact that the weaker or abnormal of the litter will often be shunned & left to die, in the eyes of the ignorant we are abnormal (no offence intended from me) & many people see difference as a sign of weakness

We humans have to get over ourselves.

I couldn't agree more on that point

if you come into my territory I will hurt you.

It's this attitude that causes me to hide the true me right now, I don't get this from my family but from complete strangers, I don't care what they do in their lives as long as it doesn't effect me I just wish they could pay me the same courtesy.

[Misato]

Like I said earlier, my day to day life being trans doesn't really pose challenges to me anymore.

However!

Being vegetarian, that, that! Is a daily struggle and I found this list quite accurate:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/21-things-that-happen-when-you-dont-eat-meat

In my personal experience, my struggles with being trans ended up being almost entirely internal issues. I've hit big external things too like insurance discrimination but things like that have been pretty rare. Vegetarian on the other hand, on that front I'm assaulted almost daily by outside forces. I once had a grilled cheese sandwich that was cooked on a grill with burgers. I got so sick! Having to smile and be polite when friends give me food as gifts that have gelatin. Being chastised for 10 minutes at the local Chinese Restaurant because I don't eat meat. "Why don't you eat meat? Why? Why? Why? Is it some animal rights thing? Don't you like the taste? Why? Why? Why?"

*sigh*

[E-Brennan]

I am not trying to be a problem maker or disrespect anyone's value system here, but why are so many willing to deny themselves in order to comfort others who do not live your life?

Jessica, I think that question needs to be asked and asked and asked again, not just by us, but by everyone who doesn't fit the typical shapes and sizes in life.  From the most minor issues ("I'm going to be an accountant because my dad wants me to, but I really want to be a nurse") to the bigger issues ("I'm a female inside, but I'm going to stay living this male life because my mom said I should wait until my grandparents are gone because they'd be embarrassed"), this problem affects so many people.

Doing what we want to do and being who we want to be, regardless of the consequences, isn't how we're raised, and it's unfortunate in some sense.  I can see how we all live in a society and have to make compromises for the comfort of others, but to me that should apply solely to things that actually hurt others or cause them harm.  I agree with not stealing, not fighting, biting my tongue once in a while, being nice the neighbor's teenage kid even though he's obnoxious, not killing or harming animals unnecessarily or for sport, keeping the music down after 9pm, doing the right thing even when nobody is looking, etc.  Those things have real consequences to other people and I like to be a good neighbor and a good friend.

But we need as a society to learn to accept that if I do something that hurts someone else's beliefs, or their religion, or their values, that's their problem, not mine.  Someone's god doesn't like me putting on a bra once in a while?  Then need to suck it up, not me.  My mom won't speak to me if I wear girl's clothes?  She's the problem, not me, and she needs to change, not the other way around.  I like bright red lipstick once in a while?  Guy at the grocery store staring in a threatening way, you should be bothered by your own behavior and not mine.

I guess we're just raised to take people's feelings into consideration, especially in this country where nobody dares offend someone's beliefs or freedom of belief.  And it's odd how some of the most inconsequential, personal things get people so worked up.  Things like appearance and gender shouldn't matter.  It's important to ourselves, but to everyone else it's absolutely private and really doesn't make one ounce of difference to their lives.

So yeah, I'm with you.  And we need to keep asking that question until we as a society get the right answer!

[anjaq]

You need to specify what you want to describe and also clarify this for your project. Is it about things you may do during transition (electrolysis and such), at the beginning of transiioning (covering facial hair, starting HT) or later?
For me, daily life is just nothing about trans except me logging in here and typing plus dilating. Transitioning is more a long term process with so many stages that it would be hard to generalize the experience in a day. You could try to fake a day by bringing in different aspects but that surely would not be a typical day then.