Passing & The Public

[Lana P]

I wrote this on my blog today but wanted to open the topic here and get peoples perspectives.

(As someone who lives a stealth life passing is 100% important to me. That being said I rarely get clocked it never happens. How important is it to you that you pass in public?. I would think its very important because you want people to take you serious. Public bathrooms number 1. The last thing you want is security to bother with you.

Before I even started hormones I was stopped by security at Union Station in Toronto. It was after I had gone to the women's bathroom. Lucky for me there was no one in there at this time. They asked me if I had my papers (GRS), I said no they were at home I lied. They asked for ID I said no was at home. They asked where home was I said Pickering. At that time I lived in Pickering.

It was the worst feeling in the world. They let me go thankfully but I swore that would never happen again. After that I made sure to pass. Always wear makeup but then again I live 24.7 as female from the day forward. I am not a part-time female I don't do it on weekends. Or just cause I feel like being pretty on occasion.

Today I was out with a few members of a group I met last Saturday for coffee and I'm not sure if they were aware but some teen girls had come into the coffee shop. They proceeded to stare giggle and walk back and forth while looking in our direction. Note we were not in the LGBT neighbourhood of Bank Street we were in the Suburbs of Nepean.

Coffee shops and so forth in the LGBT area are more open-minded shall we say. But the suburbs are not going to be more open-minded if you do not pass.

I got clocked. I got read I got laughed at. This would not have happened if one of the members were 100% passable. I'm not sure if anyone noticed because their backs were facing the teens. But it was the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever felt. I don't experience things like that on a day-to-day basis. But I did today. After this member left the teens left and there was no more behaviour.

If you want to be taken serious then you need to not just dress the part but look the part. Act the part not over do it with over the top gestures. Walk normal, Don't over do it. So to me passing in public is very important. If you're just dressing part-time or for fun how in the hell do you expect to have the public take you serious.

I am very uncomfortable in getting clocked again. It just will not happen. I've come way too far to have to take a step back.

So how important is it to pass in public?

Lets discuss.

[JRD]

I've gotten to where I don't really think about it, I just do me and let the chips fall where they may. And I do work with the public every day. I probably get clocked, but it doesn't matter to me so long as I'm treated with respect and I am, even by teens.

[Missy~rmdlm]

I don't pay too much attention to claims of 100% passing. It's really not possible to bury ones past all that well even if one goes through the effort to. I was lied to by a lady that "passed 100%." Well it turns out she was into trouble, the legal kind, with a public mugshot, and male name disclosed, and the truth is out there.

[Jill F]

My world changed the day I ran out of sh^ts to give about what other people think.  Their problem, not mine.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Well passing is important to me...

still that kind of behaviour you mentioned that those teen girls had is just unacceptable whether we are talking about trans people or anything else...

pff damn bitch*s...

[Misato]

Last year two cis women I know were effectively "clocked" as trans. Clocking, therefore, can happen to anyone. So I remain at the ready to give hugs when it does and I hope someone is around to hug me if I'm called out.

[Northern Jane]

I lived the first 10 years post-op 'functional stealth' (only my doctor and my husband knew my medical background). I had not trouble being accepted as cis, even in a bikini or naked in a change room.

I had moved half way across the country (work related) when the employee of a doctor's office made my condition the topic of gossip and the rumours spread through the community where I lived. I didn't know about it at the time - my husband told me later - and I decided after that that it wasn't worth worrying about. Since then I just handle any 'impropriety' the same way a cis woman would - with humour or disgust at the effrontery of the other person - though it happens very rarely.

It really doesn't matter to me. I am a woman, I know I am a woman, and everyone that matters to me accepts me totally as a woman and has for decades. I am much  more comfortable not sweating the small stuff.

[Jill F]

Last year two cis women I know were effectively "clocked" as trans. Clocking, therefore, can happen to anyone. So I remain at the ready to give hugs when it does and I hope someone is around to hug me if I'm called out.

My wife gets "sir'd" way more often than I do.

[E-Brennan]

If you want to be taken serious then you need to not just dress the part but look the part. Act the part not over do it with over the top gestures. Walk normal, Don't over do it. So to me passing in public is very important. If you're just dressing part-time or for fun how in the hell do you expect to have the public take you serious.

I don't.  I just expect the public to treat me with basic respect.  And that has nothing to do with how realistically I present as a woman.

And who is to say what it is to "look the part"?  You look great.  I can walk out onto the street right now and most women won't look as good as you.  Some will look really rather bad by any stereotypical measure of what it is to look the part.

I'm not too comfortable right now with this idea that we either have to be men or stealth females.  Why can't we just be trans?  There's room for everyone, and the more we get out there and present as trans, the more society will learn to accept us.

[Thylacin]

I wrote this on my blog today but wanted to open the topic here and get peoples perspectives.

(As someone who lives a stealth life passing is 100% important to me. That being said I rarely get clocked it never happens. How important is it to you that you pass in public?. I would think its very important because you want people to take you serious. Public bathrooms number 1. The last thing you want is security to bother with you.

Before I even started hormones I was stopped by security at Union Station in Toronto. It was after I had gone to the women's bathroom. Lucky for me there was no one in there at this time. They asked me if I had my papers (GRS), I said no they were at home I lied. They asked for ID I said no was at home. They asked where home was I said Pickering. At that time I lived in Pickering.

It was the worst feeling in the world. They let me go thankfully but I swore that would never happen again. After that I made sure to pass. Always wear makeup but then again I live 24.7 as female from the day forward. I am not a part-time female I don't do it on weekends. Or just cause I feel like being pretty on occasion.

Today I was out with a few members of a group I met last Saturday for coffee and I'm not sure if they were aware but some teen girls had come into the coffee shop. They proceeded to stare giggle and walk back and forth while looking in our direction. Note we were not in the LGBT neighbourhood of Bank Street we were in the Suburbs of Nepean.

Coffee shops and so forth in the LGBT area are more open-minded shall we say. But the suburbs are not going to be more open-minded if you do not pass.

I got clocked. I got read I got laughed at. This would not have happened if one of the members were 100% passable. I'm not sure if anyone noticed because their backs were facing the teens. But it was the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever felt. I don't experience things like that on a day-to-day basis. But I did today. After this member left the teens left and there was no more behaviour.

If you want to be taken serious then you need to not just dress the part but look the part. Act the part not over do it with over the top gestures. Walk normal, Don't over do it. So to me passing in public is very important. If you're just dressing part-time or for fun how in the hell do you expect to have the public take you serious.

I am very uncomfortable in getting clocked again. It just will not happen. I've come way too far to have to take a step back.

So how important is it to pass in public?

Lets discuss.

They asked you for papers so you could use the restroom? That sounds rather... wrong.  Are there not laws protecting trans people from that sort of discrimination?

[Ashey]

I half-ass it a lot of the time I'm out in public, so no passing isn't all that important. Passing is nice, sure, but not a requirement for me to feel like myself and feel comfortable being myself in front of other people.

[Ms Grace]

At the moment passing is important to me, but I'm just (re)starting out. My attitude might change with experience.

[big kim]

I don't pass but I have respect and give it back.I work with the public and have done for many years and have been accepted.

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

My world changed the day I ran out of sh^ts to give about what other people think.  Their problem, not mine.

Words to live by!

[big kim]

Words to live by!

+1

[suzifrommd]

Lana, I hate being clocked. I never experienced the harassment you did, but I have people indicate by their body language and eye contact that they notice.

That used to happen a lot more. HRT and a better wig have made me passable most of the time, but nothing is 100%. When it happens, it helps me to go into educator mode.

I see it as my opportunity to counter any negative stereotypes people have of us.

If they clock me, they will see the face of a TRANS WOMAN, intelligent, competent, and PROUD!

[Evolving Beauty]

WOW I think it's the 1st time ever I see a non-op on stealth. Generally non-ops tend to be open and it's most of the time the pre-ops and post-ops who struggle to be on stealth.

I'm a pre-op and struggle as hell to be stealth but I am 50% passable and 50% clockable, it's so weird, half people know and other half do not. What pisses me off the most is the ones you want least to know clocks you the most, specially the handsome guys who I don't want them to know and the ones I don't care they know or not as old ladies in groceries, cashiers etc...it's them who least know.

Passing to me is 200% cos I hate when handsome straight guys clock me. There's nothing that can piss me off the most in the world than being clocked.

[gn7]

When I first started my transition it was so important for me to pass. I used to freak out. Now, I really dont care. Although I do pass very easily (been on hormones since 14 years old) the thing that gives me away at times is the way I act (like a gay boy, esp walking). But now aslong as I look good and dont get disrespected I dont mind getting clocked.

[Nicolette]

Passing is insanely important to me, just as is my health. However, I don't think about these things on a daily basis.

[Jerri]

As a 56 year old just about to go full time, I find myself very concerned about passing, starting this late in life i am in need of serious facial modification and continue to develop behavior constantly even though most always quite fem all my life. evry time we have a negitive encounter for me any way it has an impact on my confidence, none the less it is a condition that is pretty much un avoidable for me today so I have developed a numb to it and try to avoid areas where it most likely to happen
sorry you had to have this experience though, some day maybe people will be more focused on their own imperfections and much less worried about mine.
Jerri