Note: as you probably guessed from the title, this is quite a provocative topic and involves death (including suicide). If such topics are upsetting to you, proceed with caution.
Some context - a couple of months ago, my ex-boyfriend (who had been struggling with mental health issues for years) killed himself. It was saddening, though sadly not too surprising. During his lifetime, he had next to no social support beyond me and one other friend. Yet suddenly, within mere hours of his death being announced, a public page commiserating his passing was set up, and literally hundreds of people began commenting about how he was their best ever friend, such a wonderful person, they did everything together etc. etc.
These dozens upon dozens of people, many of whom scarcely spoke to him during his life, were suddenly acting like he was the person they loved and cherished the most. And it made me realise something. Well, I say 'realise' - in truth, I implicitly knew it already. But this event made it abundantly, massively clear: so, so many people are treated with more respect and love in death than they ever were in life.
And that is very, very distressing.
And it's so, so common for people on the margins of society to have their deaths valued over their lives. So many people have their basic humanity 'debated' by others, and are only afforded it unconditionally once it's too late to be of any actual use.
I'll admit, I've always taken a rather different approach to social conventions than most folks tend to, for better or worse. However, there's one thing in particular that in the past year or so I've made sure to always do - if I care about someone, I tell them to their face. If I really care about them, I'll end up telling them multiple times. Granted, a handful of folks may find this mildly irritating (and if they tell me as such, I'll stop, no questions asked), but I've noticed that people, by and large, tend to appreciate it. On a similar note, I always try and end each interaction with someone on a positive note (or, if that's not possible, at the very least one that isn't wholly negative).
And honestly? If one-tenth of the effort put into 'respecting the dead' was also extended to the living populace, I reckon the world would be a considerably less awful place to live.
