First a little background:
49, divorced, with 4 kids (24b, 22g, 20g, 14b); 4 months hormones; out to close friends and one co-worker. Three older kids have one mom, youngest has another mom. I get along with everyone for the most part, although the youngest one's mom can be a bit temperamental. I've been on my current job since June 2013 and in my profession for 25 years. I plan to start going part-time soon and full-time in 3-9 months, although I'd like to give my kids some time to get used to the idea before I go full-time. I can't wait any longer than September because I don't want to miss another boot season
. Oh, and I live in the same St. Louis suburb as my kids, their moms, and I grew up here, so I know people and people know me. It doesn't help that I was an active scout leader for six years.
So here's the deal. I am ready for my kids and everyone to know, although I'm not too keen on actually talking to the kids about this personally. I've had a series of failed relationships and moves and my life has finally reached a point of stability and I feel like I'm sticking my hand in the hornet's nest--again.
But after speaking to my counselor, she suggested I give it a few more months before coming out to them and coming out to work. For the record, I'm ready to come out at work too and give them time to adjust before going full-time. They are already noticing differences (more colorful wardrobe, longer hair, etc) and I feel safe coming out. She also suggested I tell the moms first, but right before I tell the kids.
So....I guess most of this is sharing but here are some salient questions:
1) How long did you wait before coming out to adult children and work? Was it right before going full-time or did you give them some lead time? If so, how much?
2) If you are divorced or not with the other parent, did you discuss the situation with them first? If so, how much sooner? My youngest one's mom is pushing me to become an adult leader at his new scout troop and to go to summer camp (for the record, he doesn't want to go and I've already suggested she do the leadership stuff this time) and I want to tell her now so she knows why I'm resisting. That and I've been signing a lot of my emails "Jane" and I know one day I'm going to slip up. The problem is that I don't think it's fair to ask them to keep this a secret from them and I guess part of me is hoping they tell the kids themselves. I hate giving bad news to people. Yes, I was one of those guys who broke up via email more than once. I'm not proud of that.
3) My company posted a dream job for me (Call Center Training Manager) in Florida (within a 1-2 hour drive to spring training camps for my two favorite baseball teams--Red Sox and Cardinals...yeah, last year was a fun year for me). If I interview for the position, should I make my intentions known or wait until an offer is made? I don't want to give them a bait-and-switch.
4) When you came out to adult children how did you do it? For the record, all three of my adult children are close and still living at home with their mom.
Sorry for the length here, but thanks for reading!
Jane
