A bit down and lost

[Darlig Ulv]

I've been seeing a therapist and I'm ready to start HRT and start transitioning.  I've talked to the doctor and the closest time i can get for an appointment is 3-4 weeks out. I informed my girlfriend but she wasn't too happy about it. She supports me and doesn't mind the panties, tucking, nail polish, waxing and such, even has helped me few times. She says to do what makes me happy, but she thinks I'm rushing into this too soon. She says she's not ready for the change and doesn't want to lose me (my male side). She also was saying that she would like to get married and have kids and i told her that can still happen but she countered with Texas doesn't accept same sex marrage. That if we get married out of state and come back they'll not recognize it and it's basically void. Also she wants to have her first kid the natural way. She wants me to do part time and to cross dress first to see if that will work instead of transitioning. IMO I cannot pass as a female because of my face, also is not what i want. So I'm a bit lost now, I'm 29 and want to start HRT asap now so I can get the best results i can. If I can get some of your thoughts or advice that would be great.

[Cindy]

At this point in the relationship I think you both need to have a frank talk.
It may hurt you both terribly but does your girlfriend want to marry a woman? Does she want her children 'fathered' by a woman?
Can you and her live in a stable lesbian relationship?

If not I would seriously consider ending the relationship now before the two of you, and maybe children get caught up in this.

You will not in most probability control your transgender need. You will transition.

How much will that hurt those you love?

[Sheala]

I agree with Cindy, you two deffinatly need to talk. There are large difforences in a lesbian relationship then a heterosexual relationship. however if you two really cant get over your differences Cindy is right it may be time to end it.

the biggest thing you can do though is be frank and honest with your feelings, that was the largest deciding factor in getting my finacee to not fight me and my transition. 

Best of luck to you. if you need anything let me know i will help how i can

[Darlig Ulv]

She's transgender also but doesn't want to transition into a man. We have talked about it and she is bi and has had several lesbian relationships it's just she's afraid that she'll lose interest. In one case she was with another girl, loved her but after some time something clicked overnight and she wasn't interested anymore. She loves me very much but is afraid of that happening. So she has no problem being with another girl.

[Sheala]

still the best thing you can do is be open with your feelings. I know that being transgender affectes every one difforently.  I understand how feelings can change, that is something that you will have to maintain an open comunication.

[Cindy]

Even more important to talk to be honest, as Sheala said.

[Tori]

This may pass. It is totally worth discussing further but ultimately you out to do what is right for you.

I have found that when it comes to transition, selfishness begets selfishness. Some people think selfishness is a bad thing. It is not. Starting HRT is a very selfish thing, and it is quite common for the people closest to you to react selfishly when they learn of your plans. Nobody knows how their life will change on HRT, and those who love you are the first to show concern because they don't want to lose the person they love to hormones.

The funny thing is, the biggest personality changes tend to be an improved mood, but really, you will remain you. It shouldn't take someone who loves you very long to realize this.

[Ms Grace]

You have to do what is right for you, but I agree with the others that a frank discussion is a must. Also, if you do feel that you want to have children with her (or any other woman) you might want to look into banking your sperm...those little guys usually won't fare too well under HRT.

[Darlig Ulv]

Ya, I've told her several times that I'm still going to be me.  Already looked into banking sperm, found a place that'll do it for 200 a year but I have to have a doctor note saying it's required so I'll have to go to the doctor first to get prescribed for HRT and get the note from him datingi need to bank. That's how the talk got brought up recently, she wanted me to bank sperm no matter what in case a accident happens so I called got the info then called the Doctor and got info from him.

[Jessica Merriman]

Having two kids myself (15 and 16) living with their mother now, please straighten out and firm up your plans before becoming a parent. My choices have impacted their lives forever and I have lost a lot of respect in their eyes and have to deal with their absences now. I thought by having a family the Dysphoria would go away or be manageable, it was not. As Cindy said, you most likely WILL transition. Please think this out a while as the conclusion is probably inevitable. There is a lot of good advice from the others, please take it.

[Rachel]

The dysphoria will get worse in time.

The transition need will get to a point when you will transition and everything else will be second or the pain will make you choose.

Job, family, children, friends and money will be second to being yourself.

[stephaniec]

At this point in the relationship I think you both need to have a frank talk.
It may hurt you both terribly but does your girlfriend want to marry a woman? Does she want her children 'fathered' by a woman?
Can you and her live in a stable lesbian relationship?

If not I would seriously consider ending the relationship now before the two of you, and maybe children get caught up in this.

You will not in most probability control your transgender need. You will transition.

How much will that hurt those you love?

I'd listen to what Cindy says she's a reliable source of sound information. Honestly I've been alone all my  life so what I do to myself affects no one else, but I think my dysphoria caused me to not be able to form relationships. I hope the best for you though.