Hmmmmm . . . If we are talking about the group I think we are, then I have some thoughts. Seven people showed up: Suzi, the facilitator, me, and four Trans*Unity people that I brought along. There was one person (one of the Trans*Unity people) who was pretty quiet and hardly said anything. But that individual is ALWAYS quiet and declines opportunities to talk. So it wasn't really a problem. The others seemed to participate.
The meeting plan appeared to be asking everyone, "so what kind of group should we have?" That is a very bad idea because it places people who are attending in the position of having to do the organizers job for them. It also means that people sit around doing some version of "what do you wanna do?" "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" And advertising a support group and then delivering something else like a planning and organizing session is a bait-and-switch for the attendees who come needing support.
So a large chunk of the meeting was devoted to organizing stuff. In the part that was not about organization, however, I thought the discussion was good for a first time. People usually come to a new group to check it out because they are curious about it. That doesn't mean they trust the space or the people to share their issues. Trust is earned over time. But I thought people got into some of the issues on their minds more than is usual for a first time. I even talked a little about some of mine, which is something that usually is difficult or impossible for me to do because of the position I'm in. And it's why web forums like this one where hardly anyone knows who I am are helpful to me.
I was not at the second meeting. As I said at the first, there is just too much going on for me to show up for everything all the time, although I try to show up for as much as I can. So when the second meeting happened, I was actually in Annapolis for a meeting on the Maryland gender identity bill. It was just physically impossible to be in both places at the same time.
But I would have hoped that there would have been more structure at the second meeting. I'm sorry to hear there wasn't. I'm certainly more than happy to share the structure we use in the two Trans*Unity groups if that would be helpful. We arguably have the most structured groups in the area. There's certainly no need to copy our structure, but looking at it might be helpful.
I'm not sure what the relationship between you and the leader is. If you two are part of an organizing committee, I would expect there to be more dialogue. If that is not happening, it could be because of communication styles where the group leader is just not responsive to messages and some other way of communicating is in order. Or, since this group is part of a larger org, you might be able to take the issue up the chain of leadership if there is no response.
If you're just a group member who wants to be helpful, then all of that is still true. But I would also add a caution because the facilitator's job does not involve being there outside the group every time a member wants to discuss things ad infinitum. There are boundaries. I'm usually pretty hagood about telling my group members that I won't discuss things further, have additional meetings, etc. But some people may deal with the issue by just refusing to engage at all. That is not to say that he's right and you're wrong, or that this is even happening, or that this is the right way for him to handle it if it is. But it's a way some people do handle it and that might color responses from others in the org if you took those concerns up the chain.
It's also true that there are many types of groups and they run many different ways. This could be just what the group leader wants.
I'd also counsel some degree of patience. The group has now had two meetings in its entire history. Although organization is good, it does take a bit of time for a group to gel. So don't panic yet.
. But at the same time, you have at least nine groups within driving distance. Why not try some of the other ones? And refer people to the ones that you think will help them most?
