Well it has been a long time and a few months ago a lady at work seen me crying in my car after a hard session with one of my clients who had been facing some trauma. Long story short I told her I am a female instead and seeing what this kid was facing caused me to rethink somethings. She asked a lot of questions, offered some wisdom and support. A few days later the CEO and head boss of the NGO I work at as a mental health social worker stated, "If you start to change can you still do your work." I said of course and they just grinned and said "You have such a strong bond with people and a mothers instinct don't ignore it and when you start this process lets work on a plan to support you and nurture that instinct."
It was amazing but the shame was overwhelming and I felt ill for days after. Then 10 days ago I found myself writing a letter on my PC to my mother. I emailed it and went to sleep. In the morning I realised what I had done.
I had sent her 36 pages on everything I was feeling with links to sites, documentaries and peer review articles even how I had tried to suicide several times.
The days past and no reply. I hoped the email was outdated and she never would see it. Then today she wrote back a page.
She stated she knew I was suffering and was concerned to the point she did not sleep for 40 hours as she read everything and took notes on facts, research and the notion of brain structures. Like me she is academic and clinical in anything she hears so I know where I get it from now
This is some of the parts from her reply:
Quote
Hi D...,
Well I have read your retelling of "Artamène ou le Grand Cyrus" quite a few times to let it sink in and I think I now have the jest of it.
First up you are not dying which is the most important thing and secondly you are not an abomination nor are you French so these are both worthy of mentioning. Instead you were born with a genetic issue that requires some intervention and perhaps some new shoes as I will not have you wearing army boots and knee high socks 
(I am a nerdy metal head so she knows me better than I think)
"I love you [name] you are not a bad person, you are my child and you have endured more than any of your siblings and you will continue to do so with your head held height because it is what the women of this family do. So start acting like it. That said it is never to late to become what you were always meant to be...."
".... I thought I was having a chubby wee girl before you were born. Did you know that...."
All the jokes aside I love you [name] and I will be always be here to listen and yell very loudly if wear those obnoxious anime shirts. You are to be my daughter so you best dress like one and not a scruffy tomboy....
I am scared still but her reply even with jokes in it was not what I expected and I think for the first time in a few years I felt a small weight fall away.
