De/Re transitioning

[retransition]

Yes - i guess for retransitioning the same thing applies as for transitioning in the first place - it does not solve most of your problems - only the ones that are really totally dependent on your gender issues...
But as your reason to transition seem to be mostly the lack of the ability to express yourself in a male role due to gender roles - I guess breaking out of the gender roles is a better option for you then. After all there are plenty of femme guys around nowadays and they are doing great. dont need to be a girl for that and change your body to be a girls body if that is not how you  feel it should be...

I totally agree with this.  And if you feel that the things that make you uniquely beautiful are being hidden now that you have adopted a female gender expression you have three choices:
1. Learn to accept that these things are now hidden as you move through life in your adopted gender role.  Be ok with letting them go.
2. Learn how to integrate those unique things about yourself into your current expression of gender identity.
3. Allow yourself the freedom to consider if making a few moves towards reclaiming your male gender identity (or some in between state) might unbury those attributes that make you special.

Of those three options I am NOT a fan of number 1.  I think a lot of people who have transitioned feel the same way you do but still settle for number 1.  I suspect that those who are most happy with their transitions find a way to make the second option happen (if it doesn't occur by itself.)  But I think some people just can't get this second option working. It is not a matter of success or failure, nor does it mean they are inferior or superior to those who find total comfort after transition. So then it is back to settling for either the first option and going through life feeling "diminished" or looking at still other possibilities associated with the third option I presented.  Of course it means some hard work - but you only get one life (as far I know at least) so you need to do whatever it is to get this right ... for you. 

[sad panda]

Uh-huh. I think it would all be a much easier choice if I looked more like a guy naturally, in that case I wouldn't have transitioned to begin with. But my body was more inbetween. Physically and of course behavior-wise I have more difficulty being a guy than a girl but then legally+socially it's much easier to be cis even if it's not as good of a fit. Y'know?

That's why it is frustrating, it's kinda lose-lose. But not to distract the thread with my situation XD

[retransition]

Uh-huh. I think it would all be a much easier choice if I looked more like a guy naturally, in that case I wouldn't have transitioned to begin with. But my body was more inbetween. Physically and of course behavior-wise I have more difficulty being a guy than a girl but then legally+socially it's much easier to be cis even if it's not as good of a fit. Y'know?

That's why it is frustrating, it's kinda lose-lose. But not to distract the thread with my situation XD

Yeah everything has trade-offs. There are some incredibly beautiful and feminine guys out there though.  When I first came to this forum last year and was searching old posts talking about detransition I came across an old thread started by someone who expressed some of the same conflicts that you are.  They only stuck around the forum for a few weeks (this was several years ago) but I soon found this person on Google and saw that he had "detransitioned" to male and was doing quite well in life and actually had become successful as a very beautiful (and feminine looking) male model.

[sad panda]

Vanna/van? Yeah he's pretty. Though most femme guys are of the like skinnier lankier type, unfortunately my body is more like... petite and womanly so it doesn't convert as well. You know? Like... bottom heavy and curvy at any weight. Urgh lol. I have the face that goes both ways but not the body. I identify a lot with Van though. I have the same struggles and I always knew I'd end up the same. I think it's hard for people who naturally worry obsessively what everyone thinks to be trans. I told myself I just need to get over it but it's my personality. I can't get over it. :c

[retransition]

Vanna/van? Yeah he's pretty. Though most femme guys are of the like skinnier lankier type, unfortunately my body is more like... petite and womanly so it doesn't convert as well. You know? Like... bottom heavy and curvy at any weight. Urgh lol. I have the face that goes both ways but not the body. I identify a lot with Van though. I have the same struggles and I always knew I'd end up the same. I think it's hard for people who naturally worry obsessively what everyone thinks to be trans. I told myself I just need to get over it but it's my personality. I can't get over it. :c

I think our society's ideal for the perfect "female model" is actually a tall and frail teenage boy.  Are you cool with talking about what about you is hidden by living as a female (besides the obvious of course.)  If not I totally understand.

Edit: An edit to above to add that you are right I am thinking of Vanna/Van who I see that is still very much active on this site despite what I said mistakenly earlier.