Transphobia and "offensive" questions

[dalebert]

I think he has some good points. This sort of thing came up in another thread. I think it comes down to tact. You have a right to your privacy. Tactfully explain that to someone before you call them a transphobe. If they accept your answer at face value, then it's at least a reach to call them a transphobe.

[Jera]

He does have a lot of good points. I especially like where he says that our society as a whole is not "natural", in the sense that things like clothes and medicine are unnatural. I've never really thought of it that way before.

[MugwortPsychonaut]

I think he makes a lot of good points, too. I think we as trans people, can be elitist sometimes with our expectation for "regular" folks to be up to speed with trans issues. I'm still coming out to a lot of people, and I'm openly... open to questions. I know people will use the wrong terminology. I know people will use the wrong pronouns. I know people will ask questions that will seem either bigoted or bone-headed. It's not because people mean ill to any of us. They just don't know -- and that's okay!

If somebody is asking a question, even if they phrase things wrong, it's because they genuinely want to know. Here's a guide: feel the intent behind the question. Is the intent pure, but there's a mish-mash of words? Address the question first, and handle the verbal blunder as an afterthought.

But we don't have to walk the world with the utmost poise, either! If you get a, "what the ->-bleeped-<- is you?" like I do on a regular basis, go ahead and use that caustic wit of yours to shove it in their face.

Lastly, the single most offensive question a person can ask: What's your favorite Nicolas Cage movie?

[Ms Grace]

Thing is, cis people who consider themselves supportive are often woefully misinformed, use the wrong/inappropriate words, etc. A very progressive friend didn't realise "->-bleeped-<-" was offensive, another was referring to a cross dresser as a "->-bleeped-<-", my sister was referring to me as a "cross dresser"...once corrected they were all cool with it (the friend who thought "->-bleeped-<-" was OK was particularly glad he hadn't used it outright in conversation). That's how you tell the difference, if they can take onboard their misperception and correct it they are merely misinformed, those that won't...well...

[Jera]

Yeah, I'd like to think questions are a generally positive thing, misguided as they might be sometimes. Questions usually mean people are trying to understand something, and it's hard for people to accept what they don't understand.

In my experience, people who actually seem afraid of the concept of trans people tend to avoid the topic entirely - as if just having a conversation will make them catch a disease or something.

Some people are just plain cruel though, which is another thing altogether. I agree with this video that "phobia" isn't the right word for that. Very often, I hear terms like "homophobia" or "transphobia" to mean hate rather than fear. And, if that is the case, accusing people of hatred for asking questions isn't going to do anyone any favors.

[dalebert]

Some people are just plain cruel though, which is another thing altogether. I agree with this video that "phobia" isn't the right word for that. Very often, I hear terms like "homophobia" or "transphobia" to mean hate rather than fear. And, if that is the case, accusing people of hatred for asking questions isn't going to do anyone any favors.

Totally with you here. As a gay man, "homophobia" is so soft and rolling and nurturing, like "Oh, you have a phobia? You poor thing." Whereas "bigot" has nice hard consonants and is simply more accurate.