Partner Pity Party

[Constance]

What is so appallingly offensive about me that I can't find a partner? I know a person who'd once said, "The only difference between an anus and a vagina is that one of them has lips." This person is poly and has 2 partners, and I'm still single.

I was once told, "I'd never leave you even if you needed to transition." A year and half after saying that, she said she wanted a divorce. I offered to detransition and her reply was, "You can detransition, and I'm still leaving you."

Love. Loyalty. Devotion. Faithfulness. I never strayed. She was the most important person in my life and our relationship was the most important priority in my life. Why don't love, loyalty, devotion and faithfulness count as desirable qualities? Why is my worth as a person dependent on the circumstances of my birth?

And why would a person who equates a vagina to an anus be able to get not only 1 but 2 partners? Really, that's one of the most offensive things I've ever heard anyone says about the female body, and the person who said this is a woman!

What the hell am I doing wrong?

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Its kinda sad I guess..

but as I always say , if she/he doesnt accept you then she/he never really loved you...
with that being said I think we shouldnt give up on love , im sure someday we ll find a nice person to love who understands us...

btw I never had a relationship...

[Constance]

If you look through the "m4t" personals on Craigslist you might get the idea that there are a lot of ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s out there. But I can't even get them interested. It's a real downer.

True, from m4t on CL it would be very difficult to find a life partner. But a hook up should at least be possible. Right?

Meh.

[King Malachite]

What is so appallingly offensive about me that I can't find a partner? I know a person who'd once said, "The only difference between an anus and a vagina is that one of them has lips." This person is poly and has 2 partners, and I'm still single.

I was once told, "I'd never leave you even if you needed to transition." A year and half after saying that, she said she wanted a divorce. I offered to detransition and her reply was, "You can detransition, and I'm still leaving you."

Love. Loyalty. Devotion. Faithfulness. I never strayed. She was the most important person in my life and our relationship was the most important priority in my life. Why don't love, loyalty, devotion and faithfulness count as desirable qualities? Why is my worth as a person dependent on the circumstances of my birth?

And why would a person who equates a vagina to an anus be able to get not only 1 but 2 partners? Really, that's one of the most offensive things I've ever heard anyone says about the female body, and the person who said this is a woman!

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Constance, I read this and I was almost brought to tears, because I remember when you posted about your ex-wife a couple of years ago (gosh I feel old) and I remember reading about your struggles dealing with the seperation, and even the dreams you've had about it afterwards. Now that I'm currently going through a somewhat similar position, I feel your struggles even more so and it hits close to me.



Love. Loyalty. Devotion. Faithfulness. I never strayed. She was the most important person in my life and our relationship was the most important priority in my life.

If this is the "creed" you live by when it comes to romantic relationships, then I don't think you were doing anything wrong.  In fact, if I look at the above, then I think we were in the right. Heck I live by that creed vigorously, especially when it comes to loyalty.  There's nothing offensive about trying to make a relationship work and I commend you for even offering to detransition.

I wish I knew why it seems like those with honest values seem to get shafted while those that don't seem to take a relationship as seriously have no problems attracting partners.  Maybe it's fear of feeling like they aren't able to live up to such standards?  I really don't know.

As I have gotten to know you through this site, I find that you are a very intelligent and bright woman that raised wonderful and bright kids (I miss seeing your daughter around here btw).  You seem to keep a cool head in tough situations and have a nice job (or at least better than my job, which is none lol)

Hang in there, Constance.  You definately aren't going through this alone.  I'll definately be in this pity party with you!

**BIG HUGS**

[Adam (birkin)]

Just because someone has a partner, or partners, doesn't mean they are fulfilled. I mean, sure, I hope your friend is happy with their partners, don't get me wrong - I'm just saying that you shouldn't judge your worth or happiness by whether you are or are not in a relationship.

I get the loneliness, but you're a good person, Connie. And oftentimes, things fall into the lap (lol, oh the puns) of good people when they least expect it and when they aren't looking.

[Constance]

Thanks all.

*sigh*

It's just so frustrating to see a friend post on FB two relationship updates in as many weeks even after hearing this friend describe an anus as being a vagina without labia.

On the plus side, if my ex ever heard that she'd probably forget being an ordained minister long enough to verbally slap the ->-bleeped-<- out of this most anatomically confused person.

[Adam (birkin)]

From what I've heard anal sex feels totally different (for the giving partner) than vaginal sex. Not that I have experience in the penetration department, but, yeah. I don't know exactly where they get that statement from based on the things I have heard.

[Constance]

While I also don't have any first hand experience with penetrating an anus, I could see how it would feel different than being enveloped by a vagina. But still, I entered this world through my mother's vagina. She didn't sh!t me out.

And I was so taken aback when my friend uttered this nonsense that I literally didn't know what to say.

[Adam (birkin)]

I don't know why, but that comment really rubs me the wrong way, too.

[suzifrommd]

Connie, I really wish I could say I don't know what you're talking about.

But I'm sort of living it. I'm attractive, intelligent, kind, supportive, caring, warm, affectionate, funny (some of the time), dependable.

I have been working to find opportunities to meet people with whom I might find some chemistry.

Zero. Zilch. Nil. Nada. Zippo. Etc.

A couple things to keep in mind:

1. It's not you, dear. You're a valuable, beautiful, interesting, intelligent person. I know that from reading your posts for years and from seeing the pictures and videos you posted.

2. It's really hard for transwomen. We are cut out of the portion of the dating pool that sees us as men. We can curse that reality, we can fight to change that perception, but there is simply no point in taking it personally.

3. It's a whole lot easier to find dates, when you don't insist on having a sensitive, loving, caring, intelligent, dependable, person as your partner. Our @$$hole with lips may have a bunch of partners, but we don't know what's behind the scenes. It may be that all of them put together wouldn't be worth the little finger on the person who would be worthy of you.

Hang in there sweetie. You're special and the person you end up with will be special too.

[Adam (birkin)]

Our @$$hole with lips 

What an image. lol