non transition issues

[ChelseaAnn]

So, my wife and I met on middle ground and I decided not to fully transition, but my wife will allow me to be Chelsea both at home and out in public. So what I'm wondering is how other non transitioning people deal with bring out in public as their preferred gender. What do u do about bathrooms, and changing rooms (like at a clothing store) . They are, at least in a mtf case, private enough that no one would "get a glance ". Any thoughts, and has anyone gotten a carry letter without committing to hormones?

[sad panda]

I would always advise to go where you pass, personally. Legality issues or not, that's the ultimate factor. I've never carried a letter or anything but have never had any problems just sticking to what I pass as.

[Randi]

I'd be interested to know if carry letters are ever really used, and how effective they are.

It seems it might give the bearer a bit of confidence, but I wonder if it would make a difference anywhere.  You can still get thrown out of businesses and you can still get arrested if there is probable cause.

Can anyone tell of a personal experience where a carry letter was of benefit to them?

Randi

[JustEmily]

I just get horrible images of being frisked and asked for papers from this whole idea.  How demeaning.

[makipu]

I don't make any eye contact with anyone and don't really care if I "pass" or not but I still use the bathroom that I want to go in (male). This of course doesn't mean that I don't feel anxiety...

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Chelsea,

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I do hope you're able to hold on to your agreement. Otherwise you're going to need an option B. It's a known fact conditional compromise seldom works.

Huggs
Catherine

[mrs izzy]

Hi Chelsea,

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I do hope you're able to hold on to your agreement. Otherwise you're going to need an option B. It's a known fact conditional compromise seldom works.

Huggs
Catherine

Chelsea, I agree with Catherine on this also. Been there and in the end it did not work. As we all wish it does. I wish is does for you but yes have a Plan B in place for you.

Isabell

[DriftingCrow]

I use whatever bathroom/changing room seems safe to me. I'll use the men's when I am dressed as male unless things seem sketchy.

[Roberta W]

Interesting topic.  I had SRA and BA 28 years ago, but I've never fully transitioned in public places.  Are my boobs obvious?  Sure, unless it's a cold winter day and I'm wearing a coat.  Some stare, but I'm just used to that after so many years.  I still use the male bathroom (stalls obviously), and have never had a problem, and I feel totally comfortable about it.  Perhaps all the years take the edge off of those types of concerns.  I've never had any letter to carry either ... that never even occurred to me.  Perhaps they didn't have those back in the mid 80's.