It seems like it's been a long time since I've posted here....days? A week?
For the longest time I have been totally consumed by my ts, hrt, and living the role at work and at home, and dealing with how this impacts my day to day life. I have been in hyper drive now for a very long time, and am trying desperately to settle into who I am.
And that......... who I am, has been on my mind lately more than what I am, or why I am what I am, etc. I have almost reached a saturation point, and I know Marcy certainly has, long before me.
Since the beginning, I have identified myself primarily as a lesbian, mtf transexual, because it has been the most all-consuming thing in our lives.
But just lately, I have a powerful notion that I want to get off the merry-go-round. I am more than a lesbian mtf. I am a person. A person who deserves to live a life of a human first, a woman second, a lesbian third, and a transsexual last.
In short.........I want my life back. I know it will be forever different than it was, and now, there is nothing I can do to change that, and don't wish to anyway. My outside matches my inside; I'm at some level of inner peace. But now I just want to settle down, have a life, smell the roses.
Today, Marcy and I went to the ocean, and had a such a wonderful time, just being us, together, talking, thinking, planning, dreaming, holding hands, sharing a kiss. All the things that real people do.
Yes, I want my life back. I want to put mySELF first, ahead of my ts.
Anyway, knowing how all-powerful ts is, I'm giving it a try.
Beverly Michelle,
Person
