Is age 48 to old to do this?

[TerriT]

uh, no. Heck, I know a girls who started in their 60's! I will admit, the cutoff point is probably somewhere around 80-90. I guess the reality is if you want to spend the next 20, 30, 40 years or more living the wrong life.

[Nora Kayte]

I am 47 in may with mpb 6-2 and I weigh 170 to 190 depending on the scale. Next time I'm at the doctors I will get an actual weight. I was about 220 And I went  vegetarian about a year ago. And I just had my first therapist appointment today.  So I don't think its to late. And yes I asked the same questions. And it does come to mind sometimes. But what are you going to do. I am the happiest I've been my whole life.

[allisonsteph]

I am 45 5'8" and 180 pounds. A year ago I weighed 245.

It is never too late to start, and if you are not happy with your weight there is always diet and exercise. Speaking from my experience, diet and exercise became easier to me when I stopped hating myself... that is when I started to transition. When I began HRT I actually started craving healthier food, an unexpected but welcome side effect.

[Jamie D]

Well, maybe it isn't too late for your wife to escape...think of it, you're a woman, middle aged, married for decades and then find your self hugely disappointed when your husband turns out to be a woman.

Think of the huge crisis you're inflicting on her....and you didn't even mention her in your opening post!

So no, it's not too late for you to start and it's not too late for her to escape and build a new life...without having it and her own sexuality, emotions, personality, etc disappearing into a gaping black hole...leaving only a shell of her former self.

This is the biggest pile of ignorant bitchery I have read in a long time, but it seems to be a theme with you.

Many of our older TG/TS members did not have access to the resources you have today.  "Gender identity" was not a widely understood concept for many of us.  I saw a psychiatrist at the age of 19 (1970s), trying to figure things out, and was told I was just bisexual and not to worry about how I felt.

I wish I had known then what I know now.  As it was, I entered into a relationship with a beautiful and understanding woman, raised a family, and did my best to meet the gender expectations of society.  Only in the last few years has the dysphoria reached the point where I had to do something about it.

It coincided with stress-related cardio-vascular disease that took its toll over time.  I was slowly killing myself trying to be something I really was not.  When you are in a close, loving relationship with someone for over 30 years, they recognize some things.  In 30 years time, the mask occasionally falls off.  The label for it might be new, but the transperson does not fundamentally change inside.

I very sincerely doubt those of my generation went out of their way to be deceitful.  We have learned to roll with the punches as they come.  Some of us were fortunate to find out about gender therapy and afford surgeries.  Even then, the standards and protocols for transition, were so strict, many of us would have failed.  Some of us died trying.

Count yourself lucky, Dahlia, that you are relatively young.  Too bad you do not have the wisdom that comes with age and experience.

[Paula white]

Dahlia/ Jamie


Whilst I do not want to get involved in an argument ( Christ I have enough issues going on already!) as the OP I would just like to make 1 points:

1. Given the choice I do not believe anybody would choose to be transgendered.

1. We are all children of our times.

Let me elaborate on the above. I truly consider that being transgender is not an option anybody would elect to have bestowed upon them, it's to much of a tough hand. So we are all, in my view victims of a cruel birth error.

How we choose to deal ( or not deal!) with that error is a matter of personal choice. Personal choice is to a large extent dictated by our attitudes and personalities. To a significant extent our attitudes and personalities are framed and formed by the attitudes and expectations of the society in which we grew up and spent our formative years.

So our attitudes and personalities, which significantly effect our decisions in life are framed by the attitudes ofthe society and the era in which we grew up.

I grew up in the UK in the 70's. Let me tell you the culture then was very very different to now. Minorities got a hard time, women were very much second class citizens. If you do not believe me Google some of the comedy of that time. Programmes such as " love thy neighbour" and " rising damp" tell us a lot about the thinking of the culture at the time.

Men were men and had to get on with it. Christ back then in the UK being Gay was taboo, let alone being a transexual!

So I, rightly or wrongly did what was expected of me. I got on with being a man and put those feelings and desires to the back of my head, locked in a metaphorical vice burried in the sand at the bottom of the deepest ocean I could find in my mind.

Lets not forget we did not live in a world of free and easy information as we do now. There was no internet, Jesus we did not have mobile phones. I remember going to the library to look up what was " wrong" with me as a teenager. I found nothing! As far as I was concerned I was the ONLY person who has ever experienced these thoughts or feelings.

So I did what was expected of me, played soccer, did boys stuff. Was that wrong. Possibly,

[JaneNicole2013]

Dahlia/ Jamie


Whilst I do not want to get involved in an argument ( Christ I have enough issues going on already!) as the OP I would just like to make 1 points:

1. Given the choice I do not believe anybody would choose to be transgendered.

1. We are all children of our times.

Let me elaborate on the above. I truly consider that being transgender is not an option anybody would elect to have bestowed upon them, it's to much of a tough hand. So we are all, in my view victims of a cruel birth error.

<snipped for brevity>

So I dis what was expected of me, played soccer, did boys stuff. Was that wrong. Possibly,

Well said. I couldn't have said it better myself. I grew up in the states during the 70s and ditto, ditto, ditto.

I envy you for hanging in there for thirty years. The most I could make it in a marriage was five.

Jane

[Androgynous_Machine]

I would argue it is probably easier in some ways to be an older transwoman.

Ciswomen's voices naturally deepen as they age, and the measuring stick for beauty has changed as well. 

Though I can see why older transwomen are hesitant on transitioning, decades of havoc testosterone has on a body can be. . .off putting.

I look at it like this, we all age, it is something we all have to come to terms with.  You are 48, you could potentially live into your 80's and 90s'.  Do you want to spend the next 40+ years living a lie or do you want to embrace what you've known to be true your entire life?

At the end of the day we all grow on a personal level from the moment we are born until the day we die. 

Do not let your past be your prison, and do not let fear be your jailor.  Let it all go, because when it's all said and done critics won't matter; you'll be free.  Being honest with oneself, being who you are, and living the life you want is a beautiful thing, and no one, not I, not any critic, any doctor, or anyone else can ever take that away from you. 

-AM

[Eva Marie]

This is the biggest pile of ignorant bitchery I have read in a long time, but it seems to be a theme with you.

Count yourself lucky, Dahlia, that you are relatively young.  Too bad you do not have the wisdom that comes with age and experience.

I have to agree with Jamie.

As a late onset transitioner that is in the process of losing a long term marriage, let me add another data point to the discussion - some of us never even had a clue  that we were trans until much, much later. In my case I thought I was just another dude that didn't fit in especially well in a dude's world. I did the usual dude things - got married, had kids, played with cars, started a company - and it was only in my mid 40s when I began to unravel who I was and why I was suddenly having female thoughts and desires, and why I never fit in with guys. Sure, there clues all along but I never pieced them together until much later. Like Jamie said the resources and ready access to information that we take for granted today for trans* people didn't exist back in the 60's and 70's.

I have a medical condition that was killing me, and I finally realized that if it I left it untreated I'd continue on my rapid journey to a place that is 6 feet under the ground. My two choices were to continue live a miserable life leading to my death, or begin a new life as the person I should have been. One of those choices is undesirable, and the other is regrettable from the standpoint of my wife. It was a Hobson's choice that I was forced to make when I was 50.

I never wished for this and I hate that it jumped on me late in life. I dang sure never had any intention of deceiving my wife about who I was when we got married.

[TinaMadisonWhite]

You ask a tough question. 

Let's assume the worst for a moment: that your physical transformation is less than you hope for and that you don't fully pass.  The price can feel heavy at times.  Some people will treat you like a freak.  You will face discrimination.  But here are things that I enjoy as a result of my decision. 

• For the first time in my life, I feel invested in myself.  I eat and drink differently.  In fact, I've stopped drinking altogether.  This isn't automatic.  I have to work at changing my habits.  But now I have a reason to make that investment: For the first time in my life, I cherish myself.  And I no longer feel feel the need to self-medicate.
• At first, passing mattered a lot to me.  Not just for safety.  It was a matter of identity.  With time, my feelings have softened a bit.  I care less whether I am clocked.  I care more that I am known for who and what I actually am.  After a lifetime in the closet, it is so nice to be able to just be me.  I may not get acceptance from everyone.  But when you live in the closet, you get acceptance from no one.  Now, I at least have some people who embrace me for who I am.  I never experienced that before.
• Everyone assumed that my first day out at work would be nerve-racking and stressful (even though I work for a pretty supportive company). Actually, it was the most relaxing day of my life.  For the first time in my life, I didn't have to edit what I said.  I just got to be me!  It was so much simpler.

For me, coming out as myself was like walking into daylight for the first time in my life.   Yes, there are some huge obstacles to overcome.  But at least I now have the advantage of sight.

Of course, you'll have to weigh the pros and cons for yourself.   I've probably been pretty lucky so far.  Good luck!

[Jenna Marie]

I agree with Jamie and the others, and I too was not trans - not just didn't realize it, but genuinely believe I WAS NOT - until I was in my 30s.

Incidentally, "supportive" or not, I read Dahlia's comment to my wife and she said it was wildly offensive and hurtful. She says she hasn't lost her own life and personality, she emphatically is not a shell of her former self, and she thinks it's absolutely horrible to suggest that the only options for a wife in this position are to leave or to stay and be destroyed as a person.  I was trying to be nice in my first reply, but that was before I saw my wife get tearful and then angry at the suggestion that she's some kind of martyred nonperson just because she still loves me and is still happy in our marriage.

[Paula white]

Oops look like I have opened a can of worms/ Pandora's box here!

Tina from the photo in your avatar you look every inch female to me!

Thanks for the ( majority) words of wisdom and support.

[allisonsteph]

Many of our older TG/TS members did not have access to the resources you have today.  "Gender identity" was not a widely understood concept for many of us.


I very sincerely doubt those of my generation went out of their way to be deceitful.  We have learned to roll with the punches as they come.  Some of us were fortunate to find out about gender therapy and afford surgeries.  Even then, the standards and protocols for transition, were so strict, many of us would have failed.  Some of us died trying.

Wow, thank you for so succinctly stating this.

[Late bloomer]

I'm 61, going on 62.  Even at this age, the body & mind change from male to female is like going into a much happier puberty.
There isn't going to be any surgery for me, being that I have a 6mos to 2-1/2 yrs to live diagnosis.
If I drop over 6 day or 6 mos from now, at least I will pass away having known some true joy.
"Free at last, free at last" takes on a new meaning.

[Satinjoy]

Wow is this on target.  Sure hope you can save the marrage.  I feel the same way, but got lucky, got blessed.  Divine intervention was key to it for me and for my wife, and some extremely good therapy.

I have to agree with Jamie.

As a late onset transitioner that is in the process of losing a long term marriage, let me add another data point to the discussion - some of us never even had a clue  that we were trans until much, much later. In my case I thought I was just another dude that didn't fit in especially well in a dude's world. I did the usual dude things - got married, had kids, played with cars, started a company - and it was only in my mid 40s when I began to unravel who I was and why I was suddenly having female thoughts and desires, and why I never fit in with guys. Sure, there clues all along but I never pieced them together until much later. Like Jamie said the resources and ready access to information that we take for granted today for trans* people didn't exist back in the 60's and 70's.

I have a medical condition that was killing me, and I finally realized that if it I left it untreated I'd continue on my rapid journey to a place that is 6 feet under the ground. My two choices were to continue live a miserable life leading to my death, or begin a new life as the person I should have been. One of those choices is undesirable, and the other is regrettable from the standpoint of my wife. It was a Hobson's choice that I was forced to make when I was 50.

I never wished for this and I hate that it jumped on me late in life. I dang sure never had any intention of deceiving my wife about who I was when we got married.

[EllieM]

I don't think it's ever too late. I wasn't sure starting HRT at 60 was a great idea, but I had to know. A couple of weeks in, I started noticing that my mental landscape was changing. By the end of the second month, I was finally feeling comfortable in my own skin, really for the first time that I can recall. There is the benefit. We can't all be Jenna Talackova, and I'm sure there are more than a few GGs who would love to look that hot, so I'll be content with whatever outward effects the girl juice bestows upon me, because inside, finally, everything matches

[Paula white]

Well has the "talk" with the wife this evening after seeing therapist today.

Did not go well. She knew I was transgendered but me "fessing up" in full about how I felt inside has not gone down at all well. She wants a divorce. Can not say I really blame her if I was a woman (maybe someday?!) and I married a man that's how I would want it to stay. She claims I have " wasted both our lives". Feeling down, this is a low point, but in an odd way I am glad it is out there if you get me?

[Paula white]

What next for me?:-(

[Eva Marie]

I'm sorry about the wife Paula; I heard the same thing from my wife about wasting her life and now it is too late for her to start over again. You need to be selfish and put your needs first and take care of yourself. That sounds harsh but spending your energy trying to make things better for everyone else is probably a part of the reason you are in this situation.

In my case it came down to making her happy and me killing myself with alcohol, or me making the choices I needed to make in order to stay alive and accepting whatever consequences that happened.

I decided to live.

[Rachel]

Hugs Paula,

I feel sorry the conversation did not go well. I expected the same answer a year ago. We discussed divorce New Years Eve and Day. I believe eventually over the next 2 years I will be divorced. However, I would have lost valuable time not doing what I want to do at the rate I want to do it. I am who I am and if my wife wants to be with me I would love to have her with me but only if I transition.

[Jessica Merriman]

What next for me?:-(

You will feel bad for a while just like most of us did and then come to accept it. Start transition and begin a new life being the real you not being concealed or imprisoned. You will get comfortable and feel more alive than ever. Life will go on, it did for most of us an for the better. :)Your therapist will be a valuable asset to have during this period of life. Notice I said period of life and not end of life. You already have a great support family right here, use us.