Quote from: Paula white on February 07, 2014, 05:33:56 AM
Let's be clear, I really did not want to hurt my wife. I would give anything not to be a transexual, but in the end that is what I am. According to my therapist I have spent my entire existence running and hiding from my true self in constant denial. This has led me to a point where my bottled anxieties have become unbearable. If I had 2 magic pills in front of me now, 1 that transformed me into a stunning beautiful woman, and 1 that left me as I am but cures of my transexuallaity, I would take the cure.
I expect it is difficult for the younger girls on here to understand any of this or get how I ended up in this situation. Have I been deceitful, yes, but the person I have deceived the most is myself.
My therapist gave me this to read;
www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm
Apparently I am a classic "G3". I don'texpect those in "G1" to understand or be sympathetic to those in "G3" because we come at our transexualism at different angles.
This was my same thought for many years....even after taking the one pill that set me free, I still had much guilt I felt for my children.
I whole heartedly believe you love your wife! I do not say what some that are unfamiliar with our situation would say. You may have or possibly will hear some say " if you loved your wife you wouldn't do this to her" That is totally unfair, they do not know how much we struggled not to do this to our loved ones.
What I get so offended of is the ones that transition and forget about reality and that each situation is different. So many will base their decisions on what a therapist says.....yes, a therapist is of great importance and for many including me they are the only one I can tell all my thoughts about and can get some understanding of who I am. But if a therapist told me to jump off a bridge would I ?? For some whatever a therapist or worse whatever is said on forums like this is taken as the gold standard of what should be done.
There is so much support for people on here to fight for their rights, but hardly any for educating others of our circumstances. There are some travesties committed in work situations and most definitely other situations and those times call for defensive action....but does this mean all situations call for the same.
Some on here may give advice to someone coming out at work to stand up for their rights and fight for who they are....nothing bad about this advice....but how is using the proper bathroom or being called your preferred name when legal documents haven't even been changed going to help your life. This is where including your employer in your transition will only do good....even if an employer respects your rights and allows decisions such as these two, why push it if one or two are offended. Does everyone need to see you as a female overnight....or even in a years time!! These people may have worked with you for years.
The one thing everyone that is transitioning needs to know is that people who know you well or especially intimately will not see you for who you are for at least a year....some a little sooner many even later. They can still see that person they knew for so long....it has NOTHING to do with passing, this doesn't mean they don't accept you! but if after even one year your wife, son, or sister call you him and you correct them quickly this is not going to help your situation. Now do the same thing in a work place....and....
Being properly pro-nouned is so much more important than one would think....you will start to cringe when being referred wrong.....but other people do not know how you feel especially within the first year....if their doing it purposely then something is wrong with them!! Some really just don't understand though....this is when you need to educate and not defend.
I had a school counselor refer to me as a he thinking this is what I wanted....even after meeting with her a couple of times. Her reasoning was because I told her I will always be my children's father, there's nothing I can or want to change about that. I told her this early on when I first met with her.....about six months later I receive a letter form another teacher referring to me as Mr Shelly **** I somewhat figured out why since this other teacher was in communication with the counselor. I called this one teacher to find out and she confirmed what I thought....telling me that the counselor referred to me as him....and she was unsure what to do, I then had a talk with the school counselor and told her that yes, I am my children's father but I do not walk around in life appearing like I do and wanting to be referred to as a "he" ....she now understood!!
