Pre-Transition Overcompensation?

[bornpurple]

I guess I have kind of a strange question that I haven't been able to find information on.

Have any FTM guys ever over-compensated for not feeling connected to their bodies by over-sexualizing or objectifying it?

I used to do this as a teenager, when I wore tight clothes and short skirts and showed off my figure so that I could feel pretty and good about my body. I basically used to flaunt it as a sexual object and I was pretty flattered when people showered me with attention. I was still always pretty uncomfortable with the thought of me actually doing anything sexual with my body though; in fact it pretty much turned me off entirely.

I also remember always feeling weird that I never really identified with my body's shape or the way that it looked. I took a lot of pictures at that age because I was trying to get myself to map out what I looked like and recognize myself and I never could. And then later on I grew pretty depressed and felt stifled and I felt like I wasn't truly expressing myself. When I finally realized that I could present as male and I started to bind my chest and dress in a way that made my figure more androgynous looking rather than hyperfeminine, it felt a lot more "natural" and "normal" to me and a lot of the depression surrounding my inability to express who I was started to go away.

But yeah, I've always wondered about the whole over-sexualization phase I had and I was wondering if any other guys had experienced the same?

[Arch]

I went through a period of experimentation in college--one day, I would wear a jacket and tie; and the next, I would be decked out in tights and a revealing top and that sort of thing. I was miserable at dressing like a girl, so I came across as weirdly trashy.

I think I was doing battle with myself--revealing my true self one day and then trying desperately to fight it and fit in the next day. I guess you could call it overcompensating. I showed off my chest a lot because guys liked what I had...and I liked guys although I wanted men who wanted men.

What a weird, twisted world I used to inhabit.

[bornpurple]

I feel like I did some of that too, honestly. I liked guys so I liked showing off to get male attention, but it wasn't until later that I understood the reason I was so uncomfortable with actually dating or following through with these guys was because I wanted a guy who didn't see me as a girl. So I ended up sabotaging everything that I ever started because I grew extremely uncomfortable dating as a girl. It actually wasn't until I met a queer guy who knew that I was a trans guy that I actually felt comfortable enough to pursue something with him.

[Arch]

My first long-term sexual relationship was a mess. Before meeting N, I had a few short-term things--a, um, sex buddy (that's the polite way to put it) with no commitments, and a couple of short relationships, at least one of which I sabotaged (I have a memory lapse about the other one and would love to know what happened).

Then, I met N--a very straight guy. When things started to get serious, I guess I sort of saw my sexual future mapped out only too plainly, and I panicked. I couldn't have sex. I used to freeze up, shut down, freak out. It was really bad. At some point, I guess I made peace with my fate. But I was never 100% comfortable with "straight" sex and being seen as a girl. And yet I did try very hard at times to be a girl. I was just so lousy at it. My idea of acting feminine was a joke. I had long hair, sometimes wore revealing clothing, and pretended to be a sex fiend. That was about it...pretty laughable, really.

[Ryan55]

I get where your coming from here, when I was in high school I tried to fit in and be a girl, and a little bit through college, but halfway through I ended up in boy mode. I had the long hair, I wore girl clothes, I put a fake smile on and tried to make my family and everyone else happy to fit in. I never wore skirts or dresses though unless it was for something like prom, I think part of myself was fighting with me, cause I felt crazy at the time, like ->-bleeped-<- you want to be a guy, your crazy. anyway I had one sexual/serious relationship with a guy and even then didn't really do anything for me. In order to really get off, I was imagining it was me as a guy ->-bleeped-<-in a chick (my poor ex, I still feel bad), needless to say that didn't last. I think its pretty normal what you went through.

[Edge]

Have any FTM guys ever over-compensated for not feeling connected to their bodies by over-sexualizing or objectifying it?

Yeah especially after certain life events. I was miserable.

[overdrive]

I tried to do this for a while too just to fit in and I always felt awkward. I then turned to drugs and alcohol because it was the only way I could make myself let loose and not feel foreign dressed like a girl and so that I could go through with the things girls do sexually. Even though I never felt much like a female, I lived as one for many years. I was still jealous of the attention that others would get (male or female) from a sexual standpoint and me being such a tomboy I was always the one that was just a "friend" to everyone. This is when I started to dress in more revealing clothing and turned to drugs and alcohol.

[Jeatyn]

I did this a lot, but I don't particularly see it as overcompensation, some of it was, but mostly I just enjoyed the attention of men - I like men, men liked my body, it was a win win situation. I never tried to fit in with other girls and I didn't wear low cut tops and short skirts to fit in or convince myself I was feminine or whatever - it was purely for the sexy times xD trawling bars as a young, cleavage sporting chick was playing the game on super easy mode.

I think I am unusual in that I have never had any objections to "straight sex" - actual relationships are different, but if it's just sex, I really couldn't care less how I'm being perceived.

[BeefxCake]

I remember in high school especially, things like prom, i hated dressing up so much but i knew my mom would give me hell so i'd just comply ahead of time to avoid being chewed out. I'd rock a dress but i never acted ladylike in one, it just felt like a costume to me, like i was being silly, like a boy in a dress really.

in middle school i tried whereing more dreses and things but i was always very covered up in my clothes, i was always trying to hide my boobs under tons of fabric. i wore a turtleneck almost everyday i could.

[Ayden]

Oh yeah. I actually still have a skirt that for some reason that escapes me I think I have to keep. I haven't worn it in ages but I used it as a self punishment thing. Especially in my sophomore year of highschool and my sophomore year of uni.

[LeroyG]

I used to kinda do this in high school too. I would try to dress feminine sometimes. I had a few phases where I would force myself to wear make-up (saying i was gonna do it every day), but that only ever lasted 3 days at a time. I wore a dress once (all day at school) senior year and i got a lot of compliments on it, but i felt insanely uncomfortable the whole day and had to constantly remind myself that it was going to make me more girly in the long run....it didn't.

[Nikotinic]

I would do this too. I could never keep it up for more than about a week at a time, but I would go through these 'pretending to be a real girl' phases where I'd try to wear make up and skirts and show cleavage. I was never very good at it though.

I would wear really low girly cut tops but then keep my jacket on because I felt uncomfortable at the idea of people staring at my chest.

I'd intend to put on normal makeup to go out to parties but then end up with huge emo eyeliner.

Occasionally I'd get the idea to buy sexy underwear but even being in the lingerie section always creeped me out. I'd try on a couple of lacy things then end up buying plain bras and those underwear that come in a 5 pack anyway. The day that they brought out the 'ahh bra' type bras was a good day for me - it meant I could just order them off the internet without worrying about sizing.

There were definitely times that I felt like I was succeeding and times I felt hot, but most of the time it just made me feel really uncomfortable.

[NathanielM]

I did this too, I used to dress up (i felt it was that) as a pretty girl. If I had to be a girl I decided I wanted to be pretty, but I never wore 'sexy' clothing like short and things. I wore floorlengthskirts and stuff :p I tried make up a couple of times and while other people said it looked good I felt it looked awfull.

[AlexW]

I did this a lot.
I had this cycle of going frilly-girly (or trying, I've never been good at Girl-Mode, and it always coincided with really strong negative emotions about myself) and then slowly returning to my natural state. I'd let my hair grow out for a while, and dress and act weirdly stereotypically female, then gradually start back to more gender-neutral/male clothing, culminating in cutting my hair really short.
I've never been able to make myself date guys, though I did get offers, and the one girlfriend I had made me uncomfortable because she identified very strongly with the 'lesbian' label.
My dad used to say that I reminded him oddly of his strange spinster aunt in the way I acted at the start of these cycles. Now, while I'm not out yet, he says I remind him of his boring older brother.
The longest cycle was nearly three years, and by the end of it I was thinking 'if I just step out in front of the bus,' or 'maybe I'll slip and break my neck down the stairs today' daily.
I've decided that I'm not repeating that behaviour. I don't ever want to feel that way again.

[sneakersjay]

I had a fairly small chest back in the day (A cup) and was mortified at the thought of showing it to anyone.  Girls who flaunted their boobs annoyed me; they were obviously getting a lot of attention and I was loathe to have anyone even notice I had the tiny boobs I had, let alone trying to enhance them or wear a low cut top.  I did overcompensate to look female otherwise though, just not in a sexy way.  I was terrified of sex because the thought of it just weirded me out.  I did eventually get over it and got married and had kids, though it was still weird.  I never butch-ed it up before transition, either.


Jay

[Cindy]

Can I sneak in?

Ok will anyway.

One of the most common questions that gender psychiatrists get from MtF on presentation is 'please help me fit in, how can I be a man' 'I've tried so hard, joined --every 'male' profession sport, activity etc but nothing makes me feel like a man'
Obviously both MtF and FtM have fathered or born children and tried to live as the 'nuclear family' and that doesn't work either.

So my question is, do you think you guys tried to be girly to fit in as 'normal', the concept of trying to cure yourselves as MtF have done?

One aspect of this is MtF pay dearly for it if they have bulked up etc, not sure if that is so true for FtM as you guys tend to pass so very well when T does its magic to you. The MtF of course don't.

If this is inappropriate just say, I'm just interested.

[Mr.X]

Cindy, you're being curious, not inappropriate. Ask away, I say.

I've tried ever so slightly to be a girl. I never wore dresses, skirts of heels, but I remember one time my mother was allowed to put some make up on me for a work related party. I felt like a clown (make-up is so sticky. How can girls forget it is on their faces?!) but people kept on complimenting me how pretty I looked. Of course, it is great to be considered pretty, and I felt I should be happy with this. And in a way I was. I mean, who doesn't want to be regarded as pretty? But it felt oh so wrong. It wasn't the kind of pretty I wanted. After a few more times of feeling like 'a pretty clown', I gave up. It felt wrong and I couldn't deal with it.

So yes, in a way it is trying to fit in. Women and girls all dress up and like to be pretty, so it's only natural to try and see if that works, with the hope that you enjoy it and never have these trans related thoughts again. Naturally, it never does.

[NathanielM]

Cindy, for me it was most certainly trying to 'cure' myself in a way. Fitting in as normal probably not so much because I just couldn't fit in anywhere anyway. But when people told me I was pretty I felt as if I was 'better'.

[sneakersjay]

Yes, Cindy, that was my experience.  I tried very hard to fit into the F mold.  It just didn't fit and was very painful.  I'm lucky, I guess, in that I'm gay, so marrying a man seemed natural and not forced, though sex wasn't that appealing to me in that  usual way (I was totally in the wrong gender role there!!).  I personally didn't like the look of masculine women so I totally went the femme route, though in actuality I was more a tomboy (plaid shirts, jeans, boots, yet earrings, long curly hair, touch of makeup).  I tried to really femme it up (stylish haircut, more makeup and jewelry, heels) but that just exacerbated the feelings that I was just pretending and it was horrifically uncomfortable to me.  Wearing hose made me want to puke.  So special occasions were a nightmare having to dress that part.  I would bring a change of clothes and change as soon as possible after the main event.  I am also guilty of wearing comfortable clothes (black jeans, sweater) to a wedding instead of a dress (it was the dead of winter and there was fresh ice and snow outside!! Not wearing a dress and heels in that!!)

[Nikotinic]

I don't specifically think I was doing it either to cure myself or to fit in. It was more because I felt like I was supposed to. I have never liked pink, frills or sparkles or anything similar but sometimes I'd see something in a shop and think "F*** it, I'm a girl and I should wear girl things." I would then buy whatever it was, wear it once, hate it and go back to jeans and tshirts.

Part of it has definitely been about fitting in though. When I first started at an office job I also tried at first to buy girly professional clothes so I'd fit in with the women. I pretty quickly gave up on that though and switched to shirts.