Came out to my mom

[Hayley]

OK, so I came out to my mom on Sunday via a hand delivered letter. She didn't really read it until after my wife and I left.
She texted me later that she read it and loves me, but is very worried.
A little upset that I didn't tell her or let her know about this until I took the steps to transition.
Which in hind sight to how she is reacting now I can say that I made a mistake not trusting her with this when I was younger but what's done is done.
Yesterday things started to sink in more. I believe and we texted throughout the work day before going over to her house for dinner.
We didn't really talk at first she didn't want to. Eventually we went to talk. Her, my brother and I.
She almost instated that if I had never brought it up it could just be something that I am feeling and not needed.
I had made sure in my letter to her to let know that this has been a life time thing. That I had known that I needed this for as long as I can remember.
I told her and him about how this past year just taking the first steps towards being truly myself has been the happiest I've ever been.

She shared her concerns and worries about my health and marriage. I explained to her that my marriage is better than ever.
And health wise I have seen more doctors this past year then I had seen in the previous 10.
Then the conversation moved over to how she feels like she failed as a mother. Which I told her many times that it wasn't the case.
If she failed I wouldn't be here. I would've been away from her or dead. Either way she didn't fail.
But after that she tried to make it about my father figures and how they weren't the best/around.
I had to reassure her that this isn't because of anyone. It is just who I am and I am finally done hiding.
Which turned over into telling the rest of the family. Who are not as open as they could be but I think they will accept it over time.
That is where I am at with coming out. My mom is still scared and nervous. She doesn't want to ask me questions because she is scared to say the wrong thing.
She isn't to the point of using my new name and pronouns but that is ok with me for now. I will slowly try and help her get comfortable with everything.
She wants us to have talks and be more open now. Which is good because hiding things for so long takes a lot out of me.
I am happy with this. It could've been better but it could've been much worse.

[Jessica Merriman]

I am so glad your have cleared this big hurdle baby! I am proud of you, congrats. It should get a little easier after this. I know it did for me.

[Hayley]

Thank you Jessica!!! It was the biggest weight I've ever felt lifted. Despite all the crying I am overjoyed. I'm ready to tell everyone now. Though I do think I'll wait a few days before coming out to the rest of the family.

[LordKAT]

You could try to ease your mother's fears by a book or pamphlet stressing that there isn't anything she or family could do to change it. You are who you are. Some of these offer tips on helping her deal with the loss of her son and to receive her new daughter.

[katiej]

That sounds like a successful coming out!  Don't worry too much about how it happened...the result sounds pretty encouraging.

I'm actually most nervous about coming out to my mother in law.   

[Hayley]

You could try to ease your mother's fears by a book or pamphlet stressing that there isn't anything she or family could do to change it. You are who you are. Some of these offer tips on helping her deal with the loss of her son and to receive her new daughter.

I made sure in my letter to let her know that and stress it over and over in our talks that we've had. I have a few things I wanted her to look at but she said she isn't ready to do that yet. She has been talking to me tonight and she seems to be accepting that it is happening and there is no changing that. So despite not wanting me to go thru with this she said she will work hard to understand and support me. I see that as her trying. She is worried about the rest of the family and how people will judge and react. She is dwelling on the negitives that other people can bring and not the positives that I have already shown her. This though is much better than I thought. I thought disowned and never seen again.

That sounds like a successful coming out!  Don't worry too much about how it happened...the result sounds pretty encouraging.

I'm actually most nervous about coming out to my mother in law.   

Oh god that happened for me over the weekend too. But my wife told her because we both felt the news would be better from her than from me since we have always had a rocky relationship. Tomorrow I go over to her place for a 1 on 1 first time I'll really talk to her in over 8 years. She frightens me. So I understand that fear

[katiej]

She is worried about the rest of the family and how people will judge and react. She is dwelling on the negitives that other people can bring and not the positives that I have already shown her. This though is much better than I thought. I thought disowned and never seen again.

She's being protective.  Also known as being a mom...right?

Oh god that happened for me over the weekend too. But my wife told her because we both felt the news would be better from her than from me since we have always had a rocky relationship. Tomorrow I go over to her place for a 1 on 1 first time I'll really talk to her in over 8 years. She frightens me. So I understand that fear

My mother in law is literally the nicest person I've ever known.  But sometimes she's just too helpful.   

But since I lost my mom a few years ago, she's really the only mom I have.  And we're probably going to be moving close to them in the next couple months, so she'll probably be a big part of this whole thing.  That's what makes me nervous.