I guess that I am anxious to get some appreciation as a girl .It would give me a boost of confidence and also it would make me feel that all of this is real , not just in my mind , that everyone can see a girl .
Now , I refuse to even access my official 'boy' email address , although I need it . I am just too traumatized and scared not to loose my real identity , not to go back to where I was , a place of sadness , darkness and confusion.