My Lonely 25th Birthday

[Ltl89]

I don't mean to sound whiny or anything,  but it hurts when almost no one cares enough to do anything for your birthday, including simply saying happy birthdy, or when there is no one in my life to even care. Besides my mom and dad, no one has even said happy birthday to me or  has even acknowledged my existence and there are very few around to even do that. I don't know if it's a hormonal reaction or a sign of the importance that being 25 has on me, but I've never felt so sad and hurt about this stuff in the past like I do now.  I never used to care about my bday, but the loneliness hurts today.   Oh well, it's not so bad.  I'm reading the latest edition of foreign affairs that I haven't been able to crack into and am enjoying it.  Plus, I really want a quiet day to myself and don't want to be around others or have a party, so I am sort of getting what I wish for.  Honestly, it always feels like a chore to entertain my extended family in person or on the phone when I really just want to be alone and try to forget that I have gotten older on this day.  And today I am very very  old and depressed. As for feeling forgotten, I'm probably making much ado about nothing. There are very few people that I  have close relationships with and I don't think any of my friends/acquaintences even really know my birthday to begin with, so it's not like I'm upset with anyone in particular.  It'sprobably not that I'm being ignored or forgotten about, it's simply that I don't really have enough people around me that even care to know.  I guess that's the real problem and why I'm feeling sad. Anyway, it is what it is.  Once I'm fully transitioned and financially able to move on, I'm leaving the past behind me and creating a new life for myself; one where I can feel confident and be myself as well as being loved and wanted around.

On the bright side, I heard from my dad and my mother is getting Indian food for me.  Also, at least one sister will be around (my other sister probably won't be as we are fighting but it hurts to fight this day).   It won't be so bad.  Maybe I'm being silly and just hormonal/emotional for no reason, lol. 

P.S.  Please no happy birthdays from any of the posters here.  I purposely keep my personal info quiet, so this isn't directed at anyone here as you have no reason to have known.  Just needed to vent a little and sigh out loud.  Sometimes that helps.  Sorry for being so whiny.  I just had to get it out to someone.

P.P.S.  I'm now officially really old and can no longer hang on to any element of my youth. This sucks.

[ClaudiaLove]

Hi ,

I won't say 'happy birthday ' because you say you don't want us to do it , but I can wish you the best in life .
I am right where you are ,although I  still have a few months till I will be 25 , I am just dying here , I am crying for the past 3 months ,just being alone and no one being around or really caring about me .  Before i  kept  that pain inside . I know the 'I like being alone ' or ' i don't want a birthday party anyway ' , but at least for me , it was clearly a huge mistake , maybe just a way for my mind to deal easier with  the situation  . I wish so bad that my birthdays would 've had some friends and parties and I guess that is why I can't accept my age now , because I don't feel like I lived those years .But  , unlike you , I still hang on to my youth , I just don't accept that I am so old 

[Ltl89]

Hi ,

I won't say 'happy birthday ' because you say you don't want us to do it , but I can wish you the best in life .
I am right where you are ,although I  still have a few months till I will be 25 , I am just dying here , I am crying for the past 3 months ,just being alone and no one being around or really caring about me .  Before i  kept  that pain inside . I know the 'I like being alone ' or ' i don't want a birthday party anyway ' , but at least for me , it was clearly a huge mistake , maybe just a way for my mind to deal easier with  the situation  . I wish so bad that my birthdays would 've had some friends and parties and I guess that is why I can't accept my age now , because I don't feel like I lived those years .But  , unlike you , I still hang on to my youth , I just don't accept that I am so old 

Aww, I'm sorry to hear things are a bit rough.  I'm a bit different as I want no party or anything.  I like the peace and quiet, especially since there is major family drama in the past day or so.  It just hurts when you see how much everyone goes out for their loved ones and friends birthdays and very few people even realize or care when yours hits.  Nothing against the people in my life, as some really are trying to make the day nice, the issue for me is that I have very few people in it. My social life is a bit empty at the end of the day. Something I need to work on and fix I suppose.

Oh, I can't accept my age either.  I'm going crazy to know that I really can't say my early twenties anymore.  Sort of in denial mode here. 

[ClaudiaLove]

the issue for me is that I have very few people in it. My social life is a bit empty at the end of the day. Something I need to work on and fix I suppose.

I know how it is . I have no family interaction , no real life friends , virtually no one around me .
That is why I am so happy that I found this  great community .
I never went out , in the city , to the movies or clubs . I became  a loner ,  not because this is who I am but because I am too scared to try to fit in anymore . 

[Ltl89]

I know how it is . I have no family interaction , no real life friends , virtually no one around me .
That is why I am so happy that I found this  great community .
I never went out , in the city , to the movies or clubs . I became  a loner ,  not because this is who I am but because I am too scared to try to fit in anymore .

Aww, well there is no need to be shy here.  And yes, Susan's is a great community. So don't feel like a loner here.

In any event,  I feel a bit better.  My family is trying to make my birthday special so i appreciate it.  And whatever emptiness in my social life can be filled in time.  Just hit me this morning as i realized how alone i really am in the grand scheme of things.  Sometimes it really hurts.

[Sephirah]

Oh, I can't accept my age either.  I'm going crazy to know that I really can't say my early twenties anymore.  Sort of in denial mode here. 

You're 21 and 48 months. I thought everyone knew that.

*gives you a big hug*

[Jamie D]

P.P.S.  I'm now officially really old and can no longer hang on to any element of my youth. This sucks.

25?!

Oh lordy, wait till you are almost 60.  I am learning how to use a "Bed Head" curling iron!

Here's a birthday kiss for you, kiddo ...

[justpat]

  I was suppose to be 64 in 4 weeks--- but due to hrt I think I will be 17 again at least that's what my chest thinks. It is a blessing to have lived so long.Count your blessings you have many more to come.  Hugs  Pat

[Missadventure]

P.P.S.  I'm now officially really old and can no longer hang on to any element of my youth. This sucks.

I feel your pain. I've had so many lonely birthdays that now I just expect them, and in fact I've gotten so bitter and jaded about it that I tend to just outright avoid people. Its especially frustrating for me because my birthday is that one day of the year (coming up soon) where couples get together and get all mushy, and I've always been single on my birthday.

But, I will say, 25 ain't old. Not even close. I'll be turning 33, and I still constantly use the phrase "when I grow up..." Age is a state of mind 

[Ltl89]

On the positive, I should note that the day closed rather well.  While my mom isn't supportive of my transition, she decorated the kitchen in a rainbow theme to make it nice and accepting for me.  I didn't notice it at first, but that was very sweet.  That is something I never thought my mom would do in a million years.  Honestly, I've been pretty insufferable today to everyone and need to learn to control my emotions better when I feel depressed. There's been some family drama going on, so it kind of dragged out into today and it sort of added up to the loneliness/ bad vibes I was already feeling about this day and life in general.  I'm glad my family was there to cheer me up and deal with my drama even if I was a bit of a depressing moody bitch today.  In any event, I'm glad the day ended on a positive note despite the rough start.

And thanks to all those who say I'm not old; however, I can no longer claim to be in my early twenties and that is rough for me.  Very rough.  Believe me and I'll spare you the many tears that I shed today when I confronted the fact that I'm an old lady (god, my poor family has a lot to deal with) lol.  Next landmark bday is 30, and I can' imagine my 30th birthday will be like.  In any case, I'm grateful for everyday that I am above ground so I need to look on the bright side.

[Jamie D]

"Early to mid-twenties" now, Sister 

[JaimeD]

Yeah, I remember what it was like being 25 years old. It was only 26 years ago....

[Jamie D]

Youngster!