Story of your first experience coming out and how was it?

[Annabelle]

Hi everyone As most of us have experienced, coming out is incredibly hard and can make or break the person. So I just wanted to tell all of you my story and what I experienced when I first came out I also hope to hear and read how everyone also felt and what they experienced :3

To cut it short, I went back to the country town I'm from (I went to a city to study at uni and yes I'm Australian if people were curious) after I finished uni for the year. A few friends of mine and I decided to gather everyone from our friends group to catch up and have a few drinks. So yeah the night was swell and since a few others and I were heavy drinkers we ended up looking after people for most of the night haha. After making sure everyone is okay and not being sick everywhere me and my childhood friend decided to have some heart to heart conversations, also known as D&M (deep and meaningful) because we haven't really talked face to face or have one of those talks for over a year.

Well we started light by telling each other funny stories and secrets of what has happened the past year. I think after about 3 hours of talking and at about 4AM in the morning we were both already sober. Strangely enough he asked if something had been bothering me so I acted as usual and laughed while saying no. But I guess being friends for so long you can't really hide anything serious no matter how well you play it off. Anyways I kept saying nothing is wrong until he finally cracked and got furious at me.

Well the mood got heavy so I decided to tell him how I've been going to the uni psychologist for a while because I've been feeling under the weather and how just everything seemed like it just felt wrong (the psychologist and I eventually figured out that I am transsexual and he referred me to someone who specializes in that field). I also told him how I had thoughts of self harm and darker stuff and of course this almost gave him a heart attack due to shock (My group says I'm the happy go lucky person who they have never seen upset or angry before). So I decided to play some games with him and get him to guess my problem. Oh wow some of the answers that he came up with ranged from outright silly and hilarious to very very...very dark. So we just kept talking while having him trying to guess just being able to talk to the person I find closest to me like that was very soothing and fun.

Anyways he couldn't guess it so I told him I'll eventually tell him one day and I also said lets call it a night. As soon as I got up he crash tackled me to the ground and pinned me down...doesn't help that he is good at grappling... Anyways when he pinned me down and I couldn't resist he just looks at me and starts tearing up. He was constantly asking what is bothering you, what's wrong, I want to help you but how can I when you won't tell me what is wrong. At that point I didn't know what to do because the country town I'm from is not very big on homosexuality let alone being transsexual. By the time I made up my mind I realised I was an absolute wreck... crying, feeling vulnerable, emotions all over the place and just... yeah a wreck haha. I told him I'm not sure if I can tell him yet because I was afraid of losing him if he doesn't accept me and he kept assuring me nothing I tell him will change his opinion of me. So I nodded and said I'll tell him. He unpinned me and sat me up and said this is a very serious problem isn't it? He also said that for the entire time he has known me he has never seen me cry, let alone act like this so he was definitely worried beyond belief.

At that moment in time I was preparing for the worst and had so much fear I swear it could have physically manifested and laughed at me. Back to my experience... I couldn't look him in the eyes and tell him so I kind of mumbled it and when I looked up I didn't know how to react because he just had the 'oh my god... what did I just learn' look on his face haha. As soon as I saw that I just got up and tried to leave but then he spoke and asked me a lot of questions such as how long has this been happening, are you okay now and other things like that. So we talked for a realllllllly long time after I came out and of course.. I was still an absolute mess. We discussed about me being transsexual and how I am actually a female trapped in a males body for and also throughout all that he was giving me a nice long hug and I felt really secured when he done that After discussing all that he told me one final thing before we went to bed and it was that regardless of who I am and how I look, I am who I am and he will support whatever decision I decide to make in life

About a week after we were hanging out and he said he had to be honest that it shocked him and it took about a week of sleepless nights to sink in. But he also said after it sunk in he said it was so clear from the beginning when he thought about it Now he is and will forever be my best friend who supports me through my transition Woo ultra happy

TL/DR: I came out too my childhood and best friend and he accepted me and now supports what I do

Yeees it's a long post but I just wanted to tell some people this and hope that it gives them courage to be who they are and possibly help them come out

Also look forward to seeing everyones experience

[LittleEmily24]

The very first time i came out to anyone was to my wife. About March of 2012 i came to this idea that I might be "gender fluid", after exploring my feminine side a bit more, i confirmed this suspicion and told my wife on April 21st - she wasnt happy about it at all... and she actually started growing fears that I was trans, but at the time I was almost certain that I wasnt.

Fast forward a year to a night where i was dressing up and taking pictures of myself, and it was at a certain moment that my brain clicked and realized "I hate being male because its all an elaborate ruse... i never behave male unless i feel i need to... its all an act and I honestly don't do it because I want to, i do it because its what i've gotten use to."... at this point i realized, that I'm not gender fluid at all, I totally despise being male and after some months of reflection i realized that I ALWAYS hated it... and none of it was ever real. Suddenly my life felt like it made sense for the first time, but with this realization comes a lot of fear and confusion... so i was afraid to tell people and i was also in denial and in the "shame and guilt" stage, feeling like i was ruining everyones life and what not. One night i went out on a drunken drive expecting to crash and die, until my mom called me and calmed me down and decided to talk to me outside a Target parking lot late at night. That was when i told my mom about my realization and she accepted and supported me, then shortly after that I told my friends, and certain family ~ and they all supported me... (and at this point i feel its "support", and not real support, because their support hasn't felt very "supporting", and seems more like "tolerance".) And then i told my wife, expecting all hell to break loose... .She wasn't happy, but she wasn't in shock either ~ she felt it was only a matter of time before i made the connection; There were a couple of months of hell because of the awkwardness between family members and friends, but shortly after the awkwardness subsided and now me and my wife are still together and happy

Surprisingly enough, the easiest person to tell was my dad, not because it was easy to come out, but it was easy to handle because once i came out, my dad was nothing BUT supportive ~ he came here to susans, and to multiple sites, watched youtube videos, did research and often times told me things that I already knew but he wanted to inform me about - it has been stressful for my dad most of all because he fears for my safety and fears that his side of the family will judge me, but he supports me all the way.

I honestly have to say that my experience was a lucky one, and 98% of the people I told all responded favorably. So far, my entire family supports and accepts me as well as my co-workers, friends, and even my wife's family. The only person who didn't accept or support me was my best friend from middle school.... 11 years of friendship down the drain simply because I realized I am a woman... its his loss because everyone else prefers to hang out with me instead of him... I wonder why that might be (sarcasm)

[stephaniec]

the first was with a long time best friend. A little different though , we were having a late night talk and he seduced me. I guess we both came out together.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

I came out first to my mom , I wasnt planing to do it ,,,but while we were having dinner I started crying out of nowhere,,,so she pretty much forced it out of me :/

I felt relieved 

[Ltl89]

Well, before I came out as trans I was out as a gay guy to some of my friends.  The first person I told I was trans was an old friend of mine from high school, but it was very vague.  Before that, he had known that I was "gay" and had no issue with that.  Eventually I decided to see how he would react about me being trans because I was considering transitioning at that time and wanted to know how others would feel.  I kind of laid it out in a joking way that I was crossdressing and wanted to live my life as a female.  In any case, it didn't seem to go over well as my friend got really quiet the rest of the day and that is the last time we spoke or have seen each other.  It was said as a joke to test the waters and I wasn't serious at all in my tone, but I guess it didn't go over well even in that way.  We we're going seperate ways to begin with though, so I didn't take it too hard.   It is what it is.  Most of my current friends are very accepting. 

[stephaniec]

Well, before I came out as trans I was out as a gay guy to some of my friends.  The first person I told I was trans was an old friend of mine from high school, but it was very vague.  Before that, he had known that I was "gay" and had no issue with that.  Eventually I decided to see how he would react about me being trans because I was considering transitioning at that time and wanted to know how others would feel.  I kind of laid it out in a joking way that I was crossdressing and wanted to live my life as a female.  In any case, it didn't seem to go over well as my friend got really quiet the rest of the day and that is the last time we spoke or have seen each other.  It was said as a joke to test the waters and I wasn't serious at all in my tone, but I guess it didn't go over well even in that way.  We we're going seperate ways to begin with though, so I didn't take it too hard.   It is what it is.  Most of my current friends are very accepting.

seems kind of weird to have that kind of reaction to some one who's already acknowledged that they were gay. I don't know maybe not ,but it seems weird

[Teela Renee]

First coming out to friends: most of them replied. "Finally, we seen it coming. or had a good idea you were."

First time I came out to my parents:  *Father turned around in the car, punched me in the mouth and knocked my ass out cold then later that night in my sleep cut my ponytail off*

[stephaniec]

First coming out to friends: most of them replied. "Finally, we seen it coming. or had a good idea you were."

First time I came out to my parents:  *Father turned around in the car, punched me in the mouth and knocked my ass out cold then later that night in my sleep cut my ponytail off*

so sorry you got treated like that.

[Teela Renee]

so sorry you got treated like that.

Thanks, I never recovered from that either, I shut down emotionally, smoked pot like it was my destiny, And repressed being trans untill I was 24. I was 14 when I came out.
Me and my father barely speak. He hasnt looked at a single photo since I transitioned.  He was always afraid id look like a girly man, I think he was wrong and is afraid to look and admit he was wrong. But im not gonna sweat it. He is slowly dying of Colon cancer and i'm not gonna afford him my attention or a visit till he rights his wrongs.

[stephaniec]

don't blame you It's a pretty mean thing to do to your child

[Androgynous_Machine]

First coming out to friends: most of them replied. "Finally, we seen it coming. or had a good idea you were."

First time I came out to my parents:  *Father turned around in the car, punched me in the mouth and knocked my ass out cold then later that night in my sleep cut my ponytail off*

Good Lord.  And that's what you get for being honest. 


No good deed goes unpunished apparently.

-AM

[Jill F]

I was 43 years old and had been spending the days prior soul-searching and questioning why it was that I seemed to need to present myself as a woman.   I used to be able to keep those feelings in check, but now they had moved from the background to front-and-center.  I had been spending a lot of my free time searching the internet about gender variance and drinking heavily.  A few days prior to coming out officially I had already told my wife drunkenly that I wished I could BE her and wanted to try crossdressing at some point.  Oddly enough, she was OK with that and it wasn't the dealbreaker I had feared.  The proverbial genie was already halfway out fo the bottle.

I read some more about gender variance on the internet, and was finally able to admit to myself that I was an androgyne or perhaps bigender at very least.   When my wife came home that night, I was probably already a bit buzzed.  We made cocktails, went out on the lanai and she asked me how my day was. 

"Boring", I said.  I paused.  "OK. That was a lie, it was anything but."  I had just enough liquid courage to spill the beans and admitted that I probably need a therapist.  I proceeded to tell her that I had always felt this way since I was a little kid, but suddenly I could no longer ignore it.  She told me that she thought I had been been out-of-whack for months and suspected a hormonal imbalance(!!!)  I had been noticeably calmer, more affectionate and less angry for some time.  She began to sob.  I feared she would want to leave me.  She feared I would end up leaving her for a guy.  Once we realized that neither of these worst case scenarios was going to happen, we paused and moved forward.   She then expressed fear that every conversation we would ever have from there on out would be about my gender issues.  I promised that it needed to be addressed in the short term, but once I was able to work it out and figure out how to live my life, it would pass.

It did eventually.  It took months of exploring before I figured out that I am indeed a transsexual and needed to transition fully.

[stephaniec]

I was 43 years old and had been spending the days prior soul-searching and questioning why it was that I seemed to need to present myself as a woman.   I used to be able to keep those feelings in check, but now they had moved from the background to front-and-center.  I had been spending a lot of my free time searching the internet about gender variance and drinking heavily.  A few days prior to coming out officially I had already told my wife drunkenly that I wished I could BE her and wanted to try crossdressing at some point.  Oddly enough, she was OK with that and it wasn't the dealbreaker I had feared.  The proverbial genie was already halfway out fo the bottle.

I read some more about gender variance on the internet, and was finally able to admit to myself that I was an androgyne or perhaps bigender at very least.   When my wife came home that night, I was probably already a bit buzzed.  We made cocktails, went out on the lanai and she asked me how my day was. 

"Boring", I said.  I paused.  "OK. That was a lie, it was anything but."  I had just enough liquid courage to spill the beans and admitted that I probably need a therapist.  I proceeded to tell her that I had always felt this way since I was a little kid, but suddenly I could no longer ignore it.  She told me that she thought I had been been out-of-whack for months and suspected a hormonal imbalance(!!!)  I had been noticeably calmer, more affectionate and less angry for some time.  She began to sob.  I feared she would want to leave me.  She feared I would end up leaving her for a guy.  Once we realized that neither of these worst case scenarios was going to happen, we paused and moved forward.   She then expressed fear that every conversation we would ever have from there on out would be about my gender issues.  I promised that it needed to be addressed in the short term, but once I was able to work it out and figure out how to live my life, it would pass.

It did eventually.  It took months of exploring before I figured out that I am indeed a transsexual and needed to transition fully.

It's great you had someone to share with

[big kim]

A bit (OK very) sleazy and seedy,I was 21 and was on strike and money was tight.I started hanging out at a gay bar letting guys buy me drinks and chatting them up(A guy I rode bikes with taught me this one).I could wear stretch jeans then and was very androgynous with long hair and earrings.Graham a guy I met that night told me he thought I was a girl,I told him I wanted to be one.We hooked up for a few weeks and then he moved and we lost touch

[WFane]

Came out as a crossdresser who "couldn't possibly be a woman." Quickly divorced my first wife because of her inability to cope... amongst a lot of other things.

Married my 2nd wife was totally on board before the relationship even started. Then we got married, and she didn't want to be married to a woman anymore. So she started finding men. Marriage anulled, because CT is pretty transphobic. That's the only time transphobia has ever worked in my favor 

Now I'm out full time, except when it comes to interviews. After the interview, I plan on going through a mock transition and just sorta being myself. There's not much difference, aside from how I hold myself. Uniform's still the same. I'll still wear a sports bra, because it's an active job.

[Jessica Merriman]

Friends accepted me fairly well and most still support me to this day. My family was a different story. You would have thought a Nitro Glycerin truck was driving through hell on July 4th during a drought and exploded! 8 months later now emotions and judgments have become better and they begrudgingly accept it now. I was told I did not have to move to another state, if that is acceptance. My sister still has not come around though, she told me to tell Satan "Hi" when I got there!

[stephaniec]

Friends accepted me fairly well and most still support me to this day. My family was a different story. You would have thought a Nitro Glycerin truck was driving through hell on July 4th during a drought and exploded! 8 months later now emotions and judgments have become better and they begrudgingly accept it now. I was told I did not have to move to another state, if that is acceptance. My sister still has not come around though, she told me to tell Satan "Hi" when I got there!

It sounds like she's met Satan before.

[Jessica Merriman]

It sounds like she's met Satan before.

*GIGGLE* Yeah, I think they are an item!

[LivingTheDream]

Friends accepted me fairly well and most still support me to this day. My family was a different story. You would have thought a Nitro Glycerin truck was driving through hell on July 4th during a drought and exploded! 8 months later now emotions and judgments have become better and they begrudgingly accept it now. I was told I did not have to move to another state, if that is acceptance. My sister still has not come around though, she told me to tell Satan "Hi" when I got there!

Wow thats terrible, sorry about that

Thanks, I never recovered from that either, I shut down emotionally, smoked pot like it was my destiny, And repressed being trans untill I was 24. I was 14 when I came out.
Me and my father barely speak. He hasnt looked at a single photo since I transitioned.  He was always afraid id look like a girly man, I think he was wrong and is afraid to look and admit he was wrong. But im not gonna sweat it. He is slowly dying of Colon cancer and i'm not gonna afford him my attention or a visit till he rights his wrongs.

I can't believe he did that and I can totally understand you being pissed about it.... Idk anything about your relationship with your father, but I hope you two can fix things up before he passes. I say this because I know what its like to lose a parent; both mine had passed by the time I was 25, and it definitely sucks.

My mom had cancer and was on hospice, given only a few months to live. I knew this, but was in total denial about it. She seemed weak, but definitely ok, didn't look or act like she was about to die. Her favorite niece made a special trip to come visit her one weekend, she lived pretty far away, and my mom looked better than she had in a long time. The day after she left, my mom became unconscious and died a few hours later. I never had that talk with her, never said I love you beforehand, because I thought we had more time. She meant the world to me, and it kills me to this day to know that I never said goodbye or anything. I just hope you don't make the same mistake I did, and end up regretting it for the rest of your life.

[WFane]

Oh! Right!
Mom and Dad

Dad's cool with it but he doesn't really understand... which is understandable. He's a conservative born and raised in Vermont. He's under the impression that because it remotely has to do with genitals, that I'm out whoring myself out in every red light district in NYC. So his main concern is that I don't get AIDS. While that's a real deal for a lot of trans folk, I'm not interested in having sex with anyone (at this point in time), and it shouldn't be a concern for him.

Mom... doesn't understand. She's from Thailand, and her English isn't the best, so trying to convey it to her confuses her.

My brother and sister are cool with it