So it's been a little while since I posted, but I've been keeping up with the forums and I'm growing a little more comfortable. Here's a quick update with me:
My girlfriend has been amazing. She'll go into shoe stores or clothing stores with me if I want to try something on. We discovered I fit into her old jeans and pants and that they actually fit me better than men's jeans (I have a very large, round, feminine rear end that I have yet to find a pair of men's jeans that actually go over properly). Ditto my new boss at work, who has been encouraging me to be more open in the workplace (you know, as long as I remain professional). This means I can do things like paint my nails and drop my "male" accent. No one has given it much notice.
I wish I could say the same for my father, who seems to keep trying to closet me again ("Just some fatherly advice--I wouldn't wear that. Nobody will understand and you'll look like an idiot") and likes to make loud, embarrassing public comments about how "Strange" or "weird' I look. I'm struggling being "out" and also trying not to be provocative. Absolutely none of my friends, even the homophobes among them, have cared the slightest. In fact, several seem to be *more* accepting of me out than less. But family and particularly older people...I don't know if it's because they've grown up with a certain image of me in their minds, but they're really struggling. I love my Dad, but he's one of the biggest antagonists in this. I want to be able to be comfortable, but I still can't find the line.
With a semi-promotion at work (more responsibility, more hours), I have more money to spend on things like makeup and clothes. I'm looking through my closet and having one of those "who was I trying to be?" moments. I'm not even sure where to start. Or is it all just me being vain.
I guess what I have the most of these days is doubt. Not sure where to go next, completely sure that what I was doing and how I was living before were no good and I don't want to go back to that, but trying to convince myself I really do have the right to look and dress however I want.
So here I am (I actually have no idea how to end this post), coming along somehow.