Just having a bad day and dumping it out helps me.
I work at a vets office and a stray cat that was brought in yesterday didn't survive surgery today. She had been apparently hit by a car and tore her diaphragm and needed surgery to repair it(and put things back where they belonged.) I was really pulling for her and kind of took over her care and recovery from anesthesia but she crashed. We got her back but she went agonal again after a few minutes and we decided not to try life saving measures again. I take these things in stride, it's the unfortunate nature of the job and we save many many more animals than we lose. But I've been feeling depressed, listless, and adrift for the last couple days and this really didn't help.
I also started my period for the first time in a year at least. I didn't think it would ever happen again but it decided to pop up while I was at work and I had to ask a coworker to borrow a pad(mortifying to do even before I started to transition, worse now.) I don't have the kind of dysphoric nightmares about it that some transguys do, but I was still pretty upset about it(not to mention cramps and fatigue. Screw you uterus.)
I was feeling pretty good about passing today, I cut my hair last night and got several compliments about it at work but as soon as I went to pick up some food after my shift ended I was immediately misgendered and it's just getting old to be called Ms and ma'am all the time. I literally only pass 10-20% of the time after all this time.(I was on T for 7 months before I had to quit for financial reasons. I just recently started back on it two weeks ago.) And I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. My body language? My voice(almost certainly a dead give-away) but I still get ma'amed even when I don't speak at all. I have a girly face but I would think that I at least look more masculine than the average woman. I know that I also have a skewed shoulder/hip ratio(I totally have my mother's hips) but in my work scrubs it's not that noticeable. I would expect to be taken for gay or flamboyant, but not for a woman. X_x
